"A Little UMPH Added To TRI "

What had happen was...

2012-01-12T21:22:00.005-05:00

I just opened a beer.. sat on the couch and started Facebooking. Ugh what kinda world are my kids gonna grow up in?

Do you ever worry about the type of relationships we build these days?

Yeah me neither. I am just kidding. I am welcoming social media with full force in 2012. I have been reading more and more things with these cautionary tales of using social media. There is a commercial out there asking "do you really want all of your friends to see this?" um yeah bitch I do. Thats the whole freaking point.

Yeah I've blogged about how difficult it is to remain anonymous and yet involve your friends and family in your endeavors but it's something that is the blogger, tweeter and facebooker must deal with. I think we are all learning the twists and turns of what our technological connections can throw our way. I know for sure that my family alone, on my Dad's side, there are multiple bloggers in our family and it's how we stay in touch. I follow my sister's blog who lives close to me and we see each other a lot. But it's life in twenty twelve.

So here's a link to all my families blogs..
so you can see what it's like to be one of seemingly hundreds in my family.

My cousin Erin who moved into Baltimore City,

My sister Melanie who is into everything as a newlywed and super dog owner.

My cousin Megan..who seriously is a gypsy.
God love her, I'm pretty sure she's in Nevada now.. but I'll have to check on that.

Okay so I'm pretty sure that isn't all of them.. I have to get more info to even keep up. But I love these people and I love that we all blog in this day and age I don't know how else I would see or hear from these people.

Oh yeah I learned how to Skype the other day.. randomly skyped with my aunt Jeanne. Yeah so I've been blogging for YEARS before it was the norm but I definitely missed the Skype boat.. but I'm here now!

Also I'm gonna go ahead and say my Twittering is the best around. It kills my younger brother that I get more replies and retweets from famous people than he does. Muhahahaha, sibling rivalry in the 21st century.

..stay tuned

With a bang..

2012-01-01T10:31:00.004-05:00

I dont do a good job of posting things that deserve to be posted about. I sit and think about the post that I will write and never get around to it.
Worst.
Blogger.
Ever.

I get it. But I think that if this recent drama in my life is not worth posting about then nothing is. So here it is, the beginning of 2012 and I'm going to share with you a story of how my 2011 ended.

I've been single for months and months now... almost a year actually. And not due completely to the fact that I hadn't found anyone or they hadn't found me. I had this one poor boy who loved me. I coulda put a leash on him cuz he was like my puppy dog. Which is super unappealing to me and I put the kibosh on that. Then there were a couple more who along the way either took me out, talked about taking me out or I just ended up out with them.

But nothing was to happen. Per my desires to stay single. I really got the vibe that that's what was meant to happen. Then I got the news about my child bearing abilities. Then I made a plan.

Dear sweet lord I never thought I would be one of those girls. The "you're interrupting my plan I can't date you this may be the plot of a romantic comedy" kinda girl. Ugh I hated those girls. Just live life honey!

Oh wait. I'm planning when and where and how I'm going to adopt my children in the next couple years. That can't possibly happen without a plan. Yup yup I am one of them.

So of course just to knock me on my ass I've met someone. With whom I really enjoy spending time with. He makes me completely at ease. We've spent the last couple of weeks together and I decided I was gonna be his roommate. He has a nice new place and I was gonna get some room to breathe and things would all work out perfectly.
Yeah effing right... I must've dozed off into dreamland with that thought process cuz that is SOOO not what happened.

We caused quite a stir at the idea of us being roommates. I have yet to mention that his ex-girlfriend was a friend of mine. Now let me clarify that statement. It wasn't friends like oh my gosh I miss you let's hang out kinda friends. She moved to the left coast and I may never have seen her again. Time would only tell.

Well f*&^ time because I saw her again, she came back into town and decided that I was a bitch and a half because I was moving in with her ex blahhh blahh blahhh.
But I was only to be his roommate. Why the hell was I getting so much flak for this?
I wasn't dating him, we'd become closer and I thought I was going to gain a PIC out of this not a boyfriend SHEESH.

So I patch things up with her. We go on our merry way, get the big group of girls together and laugh about it.

Flipping DAYS later the whole effing script has changed. What I would not allow myself to think of, where I would not go with my thoughts had to finally happen. I went there. But mostly because SHE kept involving me in their bulls*&T drama. Telling me what they talk about blahhh blahh blahh. He let it out that he has feelings for me. And then his besty pulls me aside one night and tells me the same thing.

Oh shit.
Now I start thinking about it all. And when he called me to pour his heart out and tell me how he felt about me I could not resist. I knew that I had been hiding similar feelings but I had NO effing clue what to do about them. So like a stubborn mule I just didn't think about them. They didn't go away but I didn't have to own them. I was truthful in what I was saying to people about NOT being interested in him. Cuz my thoughts had NEVER gone there prior to that night.

Well let's fast forward to the good part. It's out there nowm between he and I. We've decided we are going to date.
But the logistics of his "not so sane" ex being in town were a little tricky.
And within a day or two, she has sent her spies in, they give her the intel and boom it's out there to the world. The whole story I had before about not dating him has changed and I look like a lying whore.. (her words)

Well she isn't of sound mind and body so she puts me on major blast. She takes to any social media outlet she can. She screams and cries and whines and shouts from the roof tops her feelings on the subject. And NONE of them were less than pure hatred.
She sends out a mass text to EVERYONE we mutually know about how I am "banging" (again, her words) her ex.

Great so now my stomach starts to drop and I've got no where to run. This girl ends up spending the next 48 hours making my life hell. She loses her MIND. And makes sure she lets everyone see her do it. She is hate posting, hate texting and more.

Now if you've read my posts before you may notice I'm a tough broad with a really sensitive interior. My moral compass is usually dead on and I cannot stray from it. I leapt with my heart on this one and moral compass be damned for a moment.

I can tell you that stress, fear and sadness are NO way to start a brand new relationship. I about vomited, cried and just plain broke down multiple times. The physical toll that this took on my body was insane. I didn't eat for two days, therefore I was extremely lethargic. I couldn't focus I was paranoid as to what crazy thing she would do next. I honestly hated every moment of being awake. I was scared and I could only wait it out.

I sat and spoke with him about it all, he saw the stress in my face, he tried to ease my burden but he was the ex she was still in love with. He could do no wrong in her eyes. She was dead set on making ME pay for this alone.

We laughed about it when she got really crazy and said things that didn't make sense.
We bickered a little bit about how to handle things.
We got through it. Together. It actually brought us a little closer.

So I guess there is an upside to everything. But harassment is no joke. I get it now. I honestly was moments away from calling the police because my life and my job is stressful enough, I was near core melt down and it was not going to be pretty.

Cut to today, where I've woken up after ringing in the new year with my new boyfriend. And we are still happy as clams together.
I am completely lost in my own thoughts of ALL of my fears of just how this relationship started and whether or not that was a healthy foundation to start on or not, but I'm going for broke. He treats me like a queen, he respects the hell out of me and he is a stubborn ass. I couldn't have asked for more!

I was single for a long time because I knew I wanted to be. I know that I want to be with him now.

and let's face it, I do what I want.

...stay tuned.

For you my friend...

2011-11-25T14:58:00.003-05:00

This one is for you.
I know you'll read it eventually. And I unfortunately can't blog like I used to. It's toxic. It's hurt people, and it was never my intent. As is with this post. Truthful and emotional, yes but I hope you don't find hurtful at all.
But you have to know that I've both cried and yelled at my computer as I wrote this. I don't know what my intention is putting this out there. But I know that you shared with me some of your inner most thoughts recently. And I'll share some of mine at this time.

Here I sit, thinking….about all you’ve given to me to think about. You’ve once again presented the fundamental issue with you and/or all relationships. You only want what you can’t have. I served it to you on a platter. We’ve had this back and forth. Years and years we’ve built this relationship. I felt like It was me against the world plenty of times, but I had a secret weapon. You. You listened; you made me feel like I could handle anything. You were an amazing confidant. But you used it against me. You learned more and more about me and somehow kept your distance. You let me feel like at some point I could make you believe I was different. And there I sat, I watched you in your relationships. So many of them, and you easily showed how lackluster your feelings were towards these women. You obviously shared something with each of them. You are way more sensitive than you let on. And that’s fine. But you let each of them feel what I have sworn I will never let anyone make me feel. It may be a defense mechanism, but I refuse to be part of a less than stellar relationship. It’s just not how I see my cards being played. I want the world. I want a partner in crime. My best friend who is there for me, always. And that’s what I thought we were building. Though you don’t remember it the way I do, I distinctly remember telling you I loved you. I cared so deeply about you. I know I let you in on that. But you took it, and, well I’m not sure what you did with that information. You probably didn’t believe it. Because for some crazy reason you’ve got this notion that with the insane amount of intellect and humor and kindness that you possess that it’s not enough for me. Or your best friends sister. He may be my big brother, and I , his little sister. But I deserve everything imaginable and I get to decide what is or is not enough for me. Not anyone else. And it’s a cop out to let yourself believe that you aren’t enough for someone else.
I am both pissed off and relieved. I hate that it’s now. You waited until I said over and over again that the ship has sailed. And like I told you, I didn’t necessarily believe it then. But I made myself. And It’s become the truth. And I also have mixed feelings about the night we slept together. You told me it was gonna happen. For years. And I refused it, we never had the timing right. And I’m glad it didn’t happen back then. I would have been the one that was crushed the next day. I couldn’t have lived with myself if I had let you have every single piece of me and it not have turned into something. That night was my own way to finally let you have all of me, but I wasn’t going to get hurt. I never intended to hurt you then. But I can’t say that I feel terribly about the way you felt after one single night. Even the following days you never shouted from the roof tops. You didn’t really lead me to believe that you were thinking about me more than any other girl you just spent the night with. The days after were ANOTHER chance you for say one goddamn thing that proved something. I don’t want a text. A sweet little reminder of a night that I was looking for nothing.
You say you had this rush of amazement you were happy and remember every moment of that night and following days. I felt nothing. Truthfully, what I wanted that night and what you could give me, were two different things. In the past, it would have been enough. It would have made me as elated as it made you. But you spent YEARS pushing whatever you may or may not have felt about me away enough with lame excuses and flirtatious behavior that kept me coming back. I want to cry right now writing this. Because what you said to me last night was what I wanted to hear. Years ago.
Like I said. It’s not enough now. I know that part of me has given up on love. I feel more alone than ever. I have no partner to bounce ideas off of. I am coming to grips with the idea that I’ve dreamed of, is just that. A dream.It’s not reality and my future lies more in my to be adopted children. I know that I may never find a love sufficient enough to ease my soul. I want it all. You had so much of me. You had to have known that. I was willing to build the rest. I am no longer willing to start over and try to build something. I don’t want to. It’s not fair. I am hurt. I am crushed.
And yet, I’m unscathed. I know this way, the way in which I had to shut it down and walk away. Was the best way. I could not have handled life after the fact with my brothers best friend looming around as I floundered if we had tried and failed at a relationship.
You say you never felt like enough, you could have been. Your attempt at letting me know this now, is not enough. I don’t know why you told me all those things last night. I sat there calmly, almost unemotional at times, while listening to you. But it did and does hurt.
Cuz time shouldn’t be the only factor. But when it’s been drawn out. It’s exhausting and I don’t have the energy to let myself be loved. It’s quite sad really. We talked about self-sabotage, and we are both extremely good at it. I think you wanted me to know that I drove you a little crazy those days. That I hurt you. But I still don’t think anything about what you told me was action oriented. You still wouldn’t do anything to make your feelings come to fruition.
I’m sorry for both of us. We’ve been there for each other plenty of times. For that I am thankful. That’s all we will ever be. With a tremendous amount of respect for each other.

Right as Rain

2011-09-18T11:54:00.002-04:00

I just reread the last two posts. And they could not have more different tones.

One speaks of happiness and joy and how everyday I strive to be there. To smile about something. It is usually rather easy for me.

and then

the most recent post speaks to my darker tones that are always there but not always at the surface. And that's just who I am.

Those two posts probably describe me most completely. I am one person with multiple sides. My favorite side is the happy go lucky side that lives for each day and is thankful for every stinkin thing that is positive in her life.
I can't think of another way to be.

Except when I am. Dark and emotional and in need of a lent hand to pull me out.
I will probably never ask for such a hand. But if I find there is a person in my life who grows to love me and knows all of me inside and out. They will hopefully be able to be that hand. Cuz I could have used a dominating force yesterday to throw the covers off of me and tell em to get my ass out of bed and stop wallowing.

So I may not have a type of man. I do have specific character traits that he will need. The ability to pick me out of my rabbit hole when life is behind me chasing me into it.

..stay tuned.

Closure...

2011-09-18T11:17:00.004-04:00

Three days ago, yesterday and thankfully not so far today; I have been a complete recluse. An emotional mess. I very rarely take a quick spiral down and cant pick myself up again. It took me until today to really get there. To not suck the life out of my own presence. I cancelled and avoided a social commitment I was rather excited to be a part of.

I lost my "bonus" grandfather on Thursday. I was lucky enough to have 8 grandparents at some point in my life. Well not exactly. I never knew my StepMother's mom. I barely knew my own mother's mother. Very strong women who even though I only knew one for a short period of time have impacted my life. But out of those 8, only 2 remain. My maternal Grandfather and my StepDad's mother.

The problem with a big huge large ginormous family? They can't last forever. Though truthfully I have tricked my mind into thinking that my immediate family is indeed going to. I have always wanted to live to be 100 years old.

But I want every other person related to me right there with me. Complettely unrealistic I am aware. However my delusions of grandeur have not allowed me to really process how horrific 100 just might be if I keep up this pace.

There is a resounding darkness in my life. It is death. I am not afraid of death for myself. I have no real qualms about it. I understand that one's time comes and one does not avoid, the end. (If you have seen a Final Destination or 5 you'd know that by now)

However, I have been exposed to death early and often. I was young when my grandmother passed away. I had a neighbor in a court I lived for a long time pass away. I recently lost my other Bonus Grandfather and my Paternal Grandmother and Grandfather.
I've lost two aunts, an uncle and most devastatingly, a best friend. Each of which I went to experience their funerals. My time to say goodbye. If I did not already get a chance to.

There in lies the problem. If I am only faced with the result and not the days weeks months, leading up to the end. I cannot wrap my head around it.

I feel as if the person was stolen from me.

Supremely selfish I am aware. I am consumed with the robbery. I cannot bring myself to an understanding that allows me to keep moving. Unless I must.

I am very good at putting on a brave face. My father taught me that one. And I can be other peoples rock. I can lift people as high as they are willing to go on my shoulders. I can support and remain positive for as long as necessary...for someone else. My mother taught me those traits.

For myself I go deep. I go dark. I can't see the way out. It's my way. I spiral down, and when all alone. Usually when I am driving.. my tears come. Quickly and ugly usually. I don't spend more than 10 minutes on one cry sesh and then I move on.

Unless I need more. And death.. usually requires more.
When I lost my best friend. It changed the way I felt about death.

She was so important to me. I loved her way of living. I love the way she affected people. I love the attitude she had. She was less of a best friend and more of a role model. I looked up to her. She was my age, but she was light years ahead of me.

I will never forget what I felt that day. It was a scene from a horror movie. The call, I dropped the phone and let out a guttural scream. I was "there" instantly. I called my father and uttered maybe 3 words.

"Nicole, she's.. gone"

I don't even think he understood them so he rushed home in the middle of the day to pick up his college aged daughter who was most definitely on the floor. Struggling to grasp any reason she would have been chosen to leave this earth.

I never did come to that understanding. I still would like to take it up with the man upstairs and claim he might have made a mistake.

I wear a blue bracelet, Every. Single. Day. to commemorate her. I think about her often. I talk to her mother and brother. I am at every event the foundation set up in her name, puts on. Her life affected me, her death will affect me for the rest of my life.

I hope writing this provides me with a bit of catharsis that I can continue today and not have a dark moment. I am heading to my family this evening to do the whole memorial thing in the next two days. Two days ago I flat out did NOT want to feel. I drank an entire bottle of wine to myself that night. No feeling. It was how I needed to cope. I knew it was coming.

I know my own soul and the way it works, and it hurts. I wanted to "feel" as little possible leading up to the fact that I knew I was going to be there tomorrow and Tuesday. Ugh. I don't even like writing about it because it makes it real.

On Tuesday I will get to say goodbye and hug and feel the support of many others who are saddened by our loss. And I will be much much better.

..stay tuned.

Dance! Monkey!

2011-09-06T22:53:00.003-04:00

I don't know why I didn't post this at the time.. it was months ago... but here it is.. a little insight into what it was like to stop working two jobs. Which tends to be very often for me. As a matter of fact I ended it by saying don't let me get another 2nd job before January. Welp, it's January and I'm pretty sure by March I will be working as a bev cart girl at some golf course. Second jobs here I come again.. oh crap.I'm an idiot.. but anyway back to the point.. I had JUST left my second job hostessing at a really super crazy strict restaurant in my area. And I hated every minute of the actual job, but the people and social factor were incredible.... enjoy.

Do you hear the music?
Imagine a ring master, some elephants and feathered ladies, clowns and more.
It's circus music.

I just left my second job and as I was leaving I learned something very interesting.
I am a character.

DOUBLE YOU TEA EFF. Um, I totally knew this. Or did I? I've been told this many a time in my life. My personality is larger than life. I am five foot nothing and I want nothing more than to entertain the world. The way I see it is if you're not smiling you better be making me smile. I mean shit. There is too much crap goin on that if I can't make the best of it. We are all fucking doomed.
Just sayin.

So anyway. Between here, my Twitter account and real life interactions. I apparently entertain the shit out of people.

So as I was leaving, I am being reminded of hilarious moments of my short lived time at JobTwo.
Here's a highlight reel.

I went on a date with a co worker. (It's all girls at the host stand, we giggled, we imagined, we gossiped)
I refused multiple other dates with many other co workers.
I openly professed my love for a taken man.
I did the robot from the host stand to a table, with a line of gentlemen following in the act.
I spoke in an English accent to confuse people.
I spoke in an English accent to irritate the shit out of people.
I danced, on my female managers, and commonly in front of kitchen staff, with whom no words were spoken.
I told stories, loudly, often cussing in front of my superiors.
I let my co worker feel my boobs in the middle of the restaurant cuz he said he wanted to.
I did my job incredibly well and made other people feel bad about it.
I wore clothes into the building, knowing I would leave wearing them, and my favorite boys were the only ones who would see me leaving.

OH man, almost makes me long for the good ol days.
Wait?!?! What. No. I seriously just left. I have had ONE week of this whole, ONE job thing. I should probably savor it.

I give it about two effing weeks before I'm bouncing off the walls, for the love of Pete, someone punch me in my head if I try to get another job before January.

I'm counting on you folks!

Climbing the Ladder

2011-09-06T22:46:00.001-04:00

So um, this whole growing up thing?

When does it start? Pretty sure I'm right in the middle of this whole thing and its a lit-tle weird.
I got a big girl job.

I left my crazy 18 hour days for a promotion in the most positive direction I could possibly imagine.

I get to love my class and each class in my building while managing the staff and all the paper worky type stuff that makes my OCD brain happy.
This makes me insanely happy.

Which brings me to a side note... I am such a happy camper. I am seriously easy to please. Why the HELL is that a problem for men to wrap their little tiny brains around? I do some girlie things, like complain. And shop, and obsess over my weight. But I honestly could find something to smile about for the rest of my life, each and every single day.And it is my goal to do just that.I also love to bring that simplistic joy to those around me as well. So is it the fact that I can already do that that scares people? I have no freaking clue. Side note over.and breathe.

But anyway, this promotion kind of came abruptly. Even so that my resume is not where it should be and the big big boss that hired me is keeping an eye on me so my credentials get taken care of so I can stay in my position. Which is awesome. I love having a fire under my ass. But wow. I got promoted.

Someone jump up and down for me. This is super exciting. I, for the first time ever allowed myself to be open and pushed myself in the right direction to get to where I want to be. (wohoo, go meeeee,yep, singing and dancing to myself, NBD)
I even made it clear to my boss and our bigger boss that I want to do it all. I want to run the world. And there is open knowledge of this plan.

Another thing I never did before. I am sharing my plans and I am goal setting. Mark my words, I will be back in Baltimore within 2 years running my own center.

I long so much to be with my youngest brother as he goes through high school and after that I lose him. It's crazy to think of 5 years from now. I mean he will be going to college. But he literally just had his first day of 8th grade today. I might need to slow my role here. But the idea behind it all is goal setting. Not fretting about the future. I have a place I want to be in my life.

But I need to put on the brakes for a little. I just got my new role and I want to be the best at it first before I can even think about taking on everything else.
And I worked my ass off with two jobs to get here. I was a zombie for quite some time. I didn't really have a social life.I swore off men.
(I did go on one, fantastic rained out picnic turned ice skating date) ( I did go knocking on the door of the past) ( I did flirt my ass off, knowing I wasn't going to give any relationship a second glance) ( I did long for having it all) (I don't regret a moment)

.. so here I am. Happy and Successful and though I felt a little odd in this place, for just a moment, I've started to settle in. To my new role.

Because if I haven't been discovered yet, I guess I will just keep playing myself in this movie called Life.

Surrender Dorothy

2011-05-31T23:50:00.004-04:00

another interesting post I never chose to post.. I am not sure why. Maybe because I was scared to put it out there. That I desperately want all the great things that come to shitty ass people. The love of a lifetime. And yet I felt like if I said it out loud, or really wanted it that I could never have it. I had to let it go.. and I did. And here I am, in the midst of another relationship. This one however.. I have no pattern for, we are not the same couple that I was in previous relationships.
And I am so okay with that. But it's always crazy for me to go back and read these things and see just how I felt at a certain time. I can remember feeling like this. Giving up. And I did. I let it effing go. I may have pushed it off a cliff even.

So here is the raw truth of why and how and when I let it go...

The Wicked Witch of the West was kind of a bitch. Writing evil messages in the sky and all.

But when Oprah says it, I listen. And she has said the same thing the Wicked Witch once said. "Surrender"
Now I'm not much of a crier but all this leavin Oprah's been doin has been a little much for me.
That woman is full of unbelievable wisdom. I heard her say, that when you've done all you can do, pray, ask for , beg , try out, hope, wish, settle for, solicit, and all else you can think of. Surrender. Let go of what you you have been dying to come your way and release it to the world. Give it up to God is what she said. And I can't help but be in that mind set.
I've recently felt like I am a piece of crap for sticking to this mantra.
In the process, I have shut off all options that may or may not be knocking at my door. I can't apologize for this.

I have let it go, I honestly truly felt like I had done everything the correct way as far as love goes. I've worked hard, I've been bold and brazen, I've been calm and collected, I've been trepidatious I've been balls to the walls, I've been super supportive, I've done my own thing, I've held my tongue, I've said all that needs to be said, and everything in between.

And yet, my heart feels like it was ripped out by a one two punch. I would have to say I fall for pretty much anyone I am with. I don't date people I don't see a future with. So once I start dating someone I tend to easily envision life in rapid motion.

But I don't want any part of who I was with the last two. I was happy. But I was a girl who wasn't really seeing clearly I suppose. Love will do that to ya.
I went from one boy to the next and I thought one of them had the answers for me. For the life I had envisioned.

Insert husband here.

But hell, I wasn't trying to get married. I mean maybe eventually but hot damn, I couldn't have scared them away by talking about weddings and stuff cuz I wasn't talking about that crap.

So anyway, back to my point.
I feel like the bad guy now. I feel like I've done to others what may have been done to me. How do I stop this cycle of people who want attention but not a relationship. Who think they are clear but clearly not.
Who say one thing, and do that thing, but wink while they're doin it.

I don't want to apologize, cuz I don't feel what I am doing is wrong.
I wanted so badly the happy family, outwardly or just inward that it shaped my thoughts and actions. I didn't get it. I got thrown a curve ball and I feel like I am dealing with it appopriately.I have to let go
Oprah said so people!

So away it goes, my lust for love.
and I'm cool with it.

So, in conclusion, my bad if I seem like a selfish bitch who wants nothing to do with anything to do with a relationship. I'll see if the ends justify the means, and until Oprah directs me to do otherwise I'm riding myself of all want for the things that aren't mine.

...stay tuned.

Ello Brovah

2011-05-19T06:57:00.000-04:00

He is my bestest friend.
He is my twenty something younger brother.
This morning he calls me, I don't answer. I was at work at 6am, i forget to call him on my break. He calls again after I've made my way into JobTwo. I see his missed calls after one last night as well I finally call him back on my way home.

He has nothing to say to me. I ask him why he called, and he honestly called at one point just to vent and/or talk on his drive home.
He then called back because he thought today was my day off and he was concerned I was sleeping the whole time and not well.

Because we don't ignore each others phone calls. Almost certainly if one of us calls the other then the line is picked up whether it is just to say,"Can I call you back later?" or something stupid like our inside joke "Poop" "On You".. don't ask about that one.

As we both age I seem to notice that we both honestly do treat each other like best friends more so than brother and sister. It is probably the coolest thing to me to know that I have someone in this world who will support me, no matter what.
I have other family that claims that, and I believe some would also. But this boy would be there in a heart beat, he would love hurt or kill anything I told him to and he keeps me laughing all the time.

I couldn't imagine a better friend than him.
But is that weird? To be BFF with your lil bro?

I dunno, but I know that he doesn't know all the shit that has been going on lately with me. Or he does, if he reads my blogs. But we tweet, and DM eachother I don't think he is on the Blogger grind. Anyway, he may not know the reason I work like a crazy woman am in school and avoiding most human contact.
But he doesn't need it to be explained to him.
He will love me no matter what.

I unfortunately don't feel that from anywhere else in my life. Sadly, best friends to me, sometimes hurt me more than anyone else can.
My brother is a prime example of that.
We used to use trigger words to set each other off back in middle school days.
If I called him "fatso" or he called me "midget" thems was fightin words.
And we would go at it. Until Mom or someone else broke it up.

We don't still have any of that venom. Or maybe we do but we are each others support systems right now that it's not brought out. Maybe as we age and grow apart it will dig itself in.

But why is that? Why when you've got time apart does one person feel righteou and the other feel shitty? It's just scary to look at families who go through a tragedy in the family and they get torn apart.

I hope that never happens to my brothers and I. I hope it doesn't continue to happen to my other best friends with whom I currently feel alienated from.
But by my own accord I've needed the space, or lacked the time. Hoping I am understood in my reasons. Hoping it's not too late.

Because with my baby bro, late doesn't exist, if you show up, you're golden.

..stay tuned.

Funny how it works like that...

2011-05-18T07:45:00.001-04:00

Every now and then I reflect on the people in my life and what they've taught me or what I may have taught them.
I ineviably return to the list of boys that has so briefly entered my life yet profoundly affected the way that I think and behave in relationships going forward.

But at some point, can I stop being the girl who gives
Attitude
Smiles
Overwhelming love
Tough exterior
Super soft interior
and every ounce of myself

when all I seem to receive in return is
Questions
Heartache
Serious Deep Thoughts
and a whole bunch of friends who are convinced I will forever be the single girl.

I'm so over the trend of men.
I have NO idea how to break this trend as they have been so vastly different from each other with the same damn result.

But I get myself all worked up, no matter who is around.
Or may possibly be around
Or may have texted me he will be around.
Ugh, I know that despite the fact that I plan to start my family in the next 4 years I have no hopes of breaking this cycle before then.

It's just funny to me. BabyMamaDrama has my bed, and I doubt I will ever see the cash he promised to pay for it since it's a ridiculously good bed.
But I just, I give.
And I want.
But I never get.
Soooo...
I give nothing, I ask for nothing from boys and I hope to get nothing. Cuz I'm happy not playing the game.
But wait, how does someone have seriously crazy number of texts to send one day... and within a few short weeks, there is not one text or call and it's to the place that if a call were accidentally dialed (I did it today on my stupid touch phone!)
that I would have nothing to say and be embarassed!?!?!

Oh lord I have no idea.
But some people do.
All the 9 million more people celebrating weddings and babies this year.
Accompanied with the 3083 trillion that will be celebrating 1 year this year as well..

Not gonna lie, my celebrity hero, Bethenny Frankel (Hoppy)
She chose one thing, finally after battling herself about whether one person could ask for go after and get all the things she wanted. So she chose.
And when she took that step everything else made its way into her life all on it's own.
So I am choosing. Right now. And maybe one day the other things will come.

..stay tuned.

Catch Me If You Can

2011-05-16T23:13:00.002-04:00

CONGRATULATIONS!
You've just won a trip to la-la land. Four day three night excursion through blah blah town.. ever get those exciting phone calls that say you've won?
And you just need to chat with a couple people and fill out a couple more things and you can get your prize...Yeah well
I fell for it. Signed myself up for a tour of a resort that sells timeshares and at the end I would receive a free stay at that resort, another resort in Florida, a 100 dollar Visa card and 50 bucks to Chili's.

Um.. yes please. I just have to endure a tour? Of a place about 2 hours away.
Yeah, I'm game.

Soo it went a little something like this...
Oh hey friend who was supposed to join me for 2 hours of the driving, and be my plus one on the tour, you're sleepy? Gonna sleep right through my texts? Oh that's cool, I will drive my POS broke down hooptie all by myself out of town.

If I die JulieBooty, it's your fault. (I didn't die, don't worry, we're still friends)
Sooo, I arrive, about n 8 minutes past my scheduled tour. Whatevs, they proceeded to match me up with my tour guide who within 8 seconds of meeting me was telling me how naturally buff he is and does not have to work out his legs but did anyway two days ago and can't feel his calves.

Oh yeah, good start. Homeboy thinks I'm here for the tour, like for real. Like I care about ANYTHING going on inside this place.
He then shows me to this massive conference style room with hundreds of small tables where all the sales people are sitting with their suckers.. (me included)

I later find out this place is called "The Pit" which is very fitting.
I somehow end up having a conversation with this kid, I admit he is good at talking and well, I've never been at a loss for words. So like 20 minutes go by and I think we are waiting for something but we are indeed JUST talking.

Um, no dude, want the tour, the short version and I want to be on my merry way.
So I turn the switch to Super Sarcasm Mode and lay it on thick. And basically tell him we are going on the tour now.

He starts of showing me things I really thought did not need to be shown, Concierge Desk a random restaurant... seriously dude?
Oh dear God I'm going to die here I thought.

Then he says he is getting his vehichle to start the tour...
I'm thinking, GOLF CART

he drives up in his own Grand Cherokee...

whoa whoa whoa I am seriously going to die today, this man who has told me he was 31, I didn't believe him and he finally admits he is 24 and I catch him in his first lie.
Is the second lie that he actually works at this place and is a safe trusted human?
Holy Crap I serisouly thought about running away then.

Buuutttt I proceed.
I tell him he has "7 seconds to wow me" and no more.I clearly stated that I would stop listening after that. I gace him twenty whole minutes.
Then I stopped listening.
At one point he asks me "How old do you think those cottages are right there?"
Me, clearly looking at aged homes "uhh, I dunno"
Him"Oh come on, guess"
Me" no"
Him " yes, just guess"
Me "two years"
Him "wow, good guess.. 38 years actually"

...I think he got the point then and seriously stops spieling about ANY thing to do with the resort.
But then it gets weird.
He honestly starts talking about sex.
Or relationships.
Or both.

Remember I stopped listening.. so I barely peer to my left every now and then to acknowledge I'm alive and throw in a sarcastic comment.
But the comments start coming more frequently and he is desperately trying to get me to open up. I oblige with simple anecdotes about work or such else things that bore most people.

we hop out of the vehicle at one point as he is trying to tell me about "Cul De Sac Closes" which are legendary amongst the sales staff.
Some chick also asked to see his weiner earlier in the day.

What the HELL did I sign up for? Oh my God I almost wish I cared about this place and or the product he was selling so I could complain about how extremely unprofessional he was.

But, sarcastic tired BrookieBrooke did NOT care.
Right before the end I find out he isn't 24. He is 20. Whatever dude, I'm over this kids lies!
SO we go back into the pit, I've complained thoroughly that I wanted to be taken back and it was time for me to leave the GeeDee compound.
we get back, I chat with his boss.. whooooo
does not blink or stray from his gaze... which was my left eyeball.
So creepy. But I clearly state that two jobs and being in school renders it nearly impossible to have time to vacation at such a lovelyyyy resort.

AhemcoughBULLSHITcoughcough.. but it got me out of there and into the line to retrieve my gifts.
But not before Chase tries one last time to get my number.
I decline, again. Shake his hand and go on my way.

And I am flabergasted as I drive away. Did I just waste 4-6 hours of my ONLY day off in a month on this ridiculous experience?
OR
Did I just enhance the value of these gifts by what I went through to get them?

You be the judge.
I'll be at Chili's throwing back Margaritas!

..stay tuned.

Scared Straight

2011-04-24T23:33:00.003-04:00

SO the past few months have been turbulent with moving into a new place,getting shoved aside from a guy I cared about, starting a second job, going back to school and having to kinda hide something from the world all at the same time. One of those alone would seem enough to rattle someones cage of normalcy.

While I don't really plan on sharing this with a ton of people. I do know that my best catharsis is always to write. So whilst dealing with all said business above I have also been going to see a bunch of Doctors to get things figured out.

I didn't even let my pops in on some of it until I knew for sure what the deal was.
And here are the basics...
I am still in the search of exactly what is ailing me in my intestinal area..allergies and what not but there was some other stuff going on that I was unaware of.

Kind of.

It's weird to say but I have always felt that something in my life would bring me to the conclusion I came to very recently.
I plan to adopt children.

Since I can remember I have cared deeply about the well being of children. So much so that I can honestly recall being maybe 7 years old thinking about my whole big giant brood of kids that I adopted.
What 7 year old thinks about that?

I just never got why there were so many people having babies they couldn't take care of and there were so many parents being selfish and wanting their "own" child.
I felt like someone had to come Angelina Jolie all the kids who needed a home.
Before Angelina even started!

I don't really have a desire to travel outside of this country to find my family because I see so many here in the United States. But I envy her path so much.To be affected by a child enough to instantly make them part of your family is a desire of mine.

Since I was such an advocate at such a young age I believe my wish came true.

My ability to have my own children is a small diminished window with a lot of effort behind it potentially.Granted, there is a possibility it could happen for me, with ease.But it's such a guessing game based on having lots of little cysts on my ovaries that prevent the egg from ever being released into the uterine lining to be fertilized.

So while I will be clear that by no means am I saying that I absolutely cannot birth a child of my own. But it's not something that is going to happen without aid when or if I decide to go down that road.

And there is where it gets interesting for me. I have wanted my family for a very long time. So much so that I believe honestly that I was put on this earth to be a mother.

It's probably why I am teaching right now.

It's also why despite my efforts the news of this syndrome kinda rocked my world. It seemed as if I had had plenty on my plate already to add this news to it just shook my core.

I am happy as a lark at the current moment. I have made my peace with all of the possibly scenarios for my family at this point.

But one scenario stands out to me, that seems to maybe shock some other people.
At twenty six years old I am working on doing research behind the process of adoption. I have every plan in the world to start my family with or without husband and "happily ever after" stamped on my story book.

So while this was definitely devastating news, I don't plan on letting it stop me from achieving my goal of being a wonderful mother to as many kids as possible.

If I were on another path, and I saw any glimpse of a man with whom I would trust enough to go down the road of conceiving children then yeah, I might not worry as much about time. Cuz if I was married and could just start trying now in hopes that it would eventually happen over the next couple of years then that's what we would do. And if that didn't work after a period of time I would be able to start exhausting all my fertility options. And that would be all well and good.

But I have sworn off men people! Remember that post? Yeah, I am sticking to it.
I am by no means trying to raise a child in a home without a father. I just know that what feels right to me is that my family starts when I am good and ready and saving up and doing research on the whole adoption process seems like a good way to get good and ready.

I mean who can really blame me for trying to prepare? It seems like people want to immediately tell me of the one friend they have that has the same thing and has a child.

Good. Great. Grand.

They have no bearing on my stage in life when I found out I had this.So why the hell do I care that they were lucky enough to have a child? Who knows what measures these people went through before this child came along also. Or maybe not. Maybe they were blessed immediately with said child.
Lucky them.

I'm not them.

So, in conclusion my life seems like it's on the up and up. And part of the reason I am working my ass off is because soon, I want to be able to bless myself with the love of my own child and I want to be financially stable and in a good place then.
And until then, I am working out the kinks.It's not always easy to look around at your married friends who are well on their way building their families...

I mean I am so stinkin happy for all of the budding and growing families around me.
I just know that my path will be different.
And I can't wait.

..stay tuned.

Surprise you live with a boy now!

2011-04-24T06:00:00.001-04:00

It's not as bad as it seems but its kind of shocking to go from freely being able to walk around your house in your bra and underwear to having to sort of hide whenever I think about taking a shower.

I am the queen of procrastination so I put off things until the VERY very last minute.. for example.. getting ready for work.

So it is not uncommon for me to go racing up the stairs stripping off clothes grab a towel and hop in the shower only to go tearing back down the stairs after I am all clean looking for my work clothes which are constantly in the dryer.

Apparently my routine has to change now.

Although I saw one of the boys get up in the middle of the night chillin in his boxers. That totally means I can walk down the hall in my underwear too right?
Well.. one of them is married and the other one is way down in the basement so I guess I really don't have to worry about it but it's just funny to change your habits.
Not that I would go back to living with girls, by any means. I would much rather call my girls to meet me out for Happy Hour than have them be the ones I come home to and sit in PJ's and watch ESPN with.

That is a huge plus living with men. I now have a man cave I can go into and watch all the suround sound movies I want. I always know when "the game" is on. And if I am thinking about cooking a piece of meat.. It Shall Be Grilled!

Also, I can drink my face off, pass out on the couch and no one will bother me. For some strange reason girls feel the need to wake you and tell you "You should go to bed" Um. Thank you. I clearly laid on the couch when I was sleepy knowing it was a possibility I was going to drift off while still plopped there.
Kinda the reason I sat there in the first place.Silly girls.

I like where I live now, boys and all.
But they totally smell. Always have, and always will I guess.

Set Fire to the Rain

2011-04-22T18:06:00.004-04:00

When did I move to Seattle?
This rain just isn't going to do. I actually really like rain if the temperature is above like 12. Which it currently feels like.

But none the less I am trying to recharge this evening and go out and have a life because after a nearly 60 hour work week,school work due every day this week and an 18 hour day yesterday and the kids out on Spring Break all week I would not be blamed for hiding in a cave and asking someone to put lotion on their skin "or it gets the hose!"

Just sayin.

But seriously this could quite possibly be the coolest phase of my life. The absolute most challenging phase but I see the rewards in ten fold.
I have spoken of my desire to keep away from men for the time being. And I am whole heartedly sticking to that. I know I will have my struggles because when that guy comes after me that is damn sexy and got his shit together. I will want to do what I normally do and become a cheerleader for the people around me and play second fiddle.

UM NO. Not today, not ever again!

At least that is the hook I am hanging my coat on right now.

Besides that the challenge for me is to enjoy the hard work I am putting in. I am trying to surround myself with motivational quotes and positive thoughts to steer my ship in the right direction each day. I have seriously loaded up my plate right now and it would be easy for me to say. Fuck it, I'm gonna go back to working one job and having a life and just try to manage. Or I'm going to work hard in these two jobs but become bitter and resentful and complain a lot.

Also, NOT gonna happen.
I literally recited "you signed up for this, you signed up for this" over and over again today in the car.
I was exhausted last night. 18 hours with one hour break and no dinner. But it's all manageable. I spoke with one of the managers at JobTwo and kinda broke it down for him. Told him how driven I was and that this was kinda a first for me. He dared me to take more on and work for them full time after my classes end. I told him to suck it.

No, I didn't do that. But I did tell him I was getting better at saying 'no' and this was one of those times. If in a couple of months they like where I've been and want to show me a rea$on why they feel I should commit more time and effort to them then so be it. But for now, they play second fiddle. They will get no less of my love, just as much hard work and all of my smiles and mustered positive energy as I possibly can when I show up there.

For now, my priorities lie where I took the first steps a year ago. At my teaching job, which is the reason I am in school again these days. Most people never thought they would see the day. My dad is soooo excited to have me taking classes again. I'm not even sure I've explained to him fully what it's for but from a set of parents who did not finish college, they are thrilled to see the second of three get some sort of degree. Even if I can only use it to advance my career in a Child Care setting.

Speaking of devils risen from hell to curse me and rip my heart out and eat it.
Oh.. we weren't on that subject?

Well.... now we are.
My kids are on Spring Break right now. Holy dear God I have never wanted to PUNT so many children before. I don't want to hurt them, and the likelihood of me hurting anyone by punting them in my 5 foot frame is very much the opposite. But I couldn't get away from them fast enough today. I cannot wait for them to go back to school next week.

If there is any examples of why kids need structure and actually thrive on it, this week, would be the perfect example. They just go nuts when they aren't receiving the desired attention and boundaries set. I promise you, children respond well to parents and teachers asking them to stick to certain rules. But when Spring Break arrives and they have no school, and parents wondering WTF to do with their children all week they send them to me.Barely fed,barely rested and by no means clean.
Hahahaha I wish I was kidding.

Today I found a rock in my pocket, and a nail. One was put there by a child and one was taken away from a child. You guess which is which.
I love my job and even though this week I was closer to a meltdown than Japan's Nuclear reactors I don't think I see any light in walking away from this place. Scary because I'm certainly not setting myself up to be a rich girl walkin'. But never the less I can't argue with the satisfaction of a gorgeously designed and put together "Helper Board" in my classroom. It's those kinds of little things I cannot seem to find the pleasure in in any other setting.

So when I get through with classes at the end of the summer I will be able to move up in this little world of mine and I hope to do so very soon. Goals, it's all about setting goals.
Now if I could only find that notebook I wrote all my goals down in, I could get started. Haha kidding. I write them down in Dry Erase marker on my full length mirror, and set reminders on my phone, with alarms, and find really important paperwork to scrawl them on the back of. (ever hear of organized chaos?, yeah, this isn't it.)

So as I wish I could set fire to this rain so it would freaking warm up in this joint I will just listen to my new obsession, Adele instead.
loves it.

Have a great and wonderful Easter to all of you. I will be working. (Shocker!)
...stay tuned.

Joining a covant.. or whatever it's called

2011-03-28T19:39:00.004-04:00

I just decided.
Today. Actually like 23 seconds ago.. that I am giving up my earthly possessions and going to find a local "nun place" (hahaha I have NO idea what they are called, and I'm clearly too lazy to look it up)
and ask them to take me in.

Immediately and forever. I can. not. stand. men.
Whatever it is that I have, that makes them turn insane and drive me insane. I want it to stop.

On second thought, I may just need an exorcism.
"I have exerciiiiiiised the demons, this house is clear" (I <3 AceVentura!)
There is definitely some evil goin on.

I toiled with the idea of simply going lesbian... but I'm pretty sure I would bash my own head in trying to deal with another woman. Besides part of my issue with the men I date anyway is that I strongly desire them to take charge and be all manly and stuff. (Seems easy enough right?)
But a butch woman I doubt will come anywhere near as manly as I need my men.

So does anyone know anyone who knows anyone who does exorcisms?
Or maybe is a nun?
Or could give me a drug that could sedate the next man until it's years into the relationship he feels trapped but is too scared to walk away because when he came to there was a gorg (yes, me) woman who was bossing him around and he was happily swiffering the floor, so he figures he will just stick around, for like, ever.

Or maybe, is a lesbian and can really vouch for being in relationship with a woman.

No, that last one probably won't work.
I'm definitely going to hope for one of the top 3.

Which means, my fate is in your hands. My life could take drastic turns from here people... be careful with it!

...stay tuned

Happy One Hundred

2011-03-27T13:38:00.003-04:00

Can't believe I have 100 posts on here!
I can't believe some of you are still here reading this!

I am currently drinking a Blue AMP and trying to get Baby shower stuffs done, JobTwo training ish and simultaneously trying not to hate every man ever.

It's a perky slash Agro Crag kind of day.
(Remember the Agrocrag?.. Yeah not really me either. I just know it was on some kids game show... and when I lived in LA we used the word Agro instead of angry.. so somehow Agrocrag was born to show a heightened level of anger)
(God, I'm weird)

Fighting with my normal sense of irrationality. I want to get this baby shower stuff done..like go get the decorations and plan the menu.
But I am such a ridiculous human.. if I do things early or on time I tend to OVER do them. Like wayyyy more decorations than I need. Or end up getting things that I will not actually use.
BUT
if I wait.. I will inevitably forget something and stress hardcore about not having enough time to get all the things I need.

It is seriously scary inside my brain sometimes. I think I've said that like 25346346 times recently. I wouldn't know cuz I don't tend to read what I write. I put it out there and hope that no one catches any huge gaffes in my spelling or grammar but as far as content.. I kinda have a "Go F%#$ Yourself" attitude.

Hahah maybe that's why I can't keep a relationship going. I really believe I am awesome just the way I am. And "crazy" isn't part of that. You know how guys like to deem girls "crazy". Yeah I don't fall into that category.. but I always say I'm crazy in a different way. Like actually, weird not making sense, have huge hang ups, like things my way, I am messy and organized at the same time. I am loud and uber silent. I make zero fucking sense. But I totally get me.

Men.. not so much.

It's not like I have time for anyone else in my life anyway.
I've seriously got some things lined up that make me seem like a crazy go getter type. Hhahaha and back to the crazy thing.. cuz I am currently sitting in a seriously messy bedroom and pretending it's going to clean itself.

I swear in my head.. I have these relevant topics I'm going to discuss on my blog. And clear thought out messages that will make sense. But by the time I get to my computer I'm either fuming, exhausted or rushed. Seriously, it's only those three things that bring me to hide in my bedroom and put the keyboard on my lap.And start tap tapping away.

But I got a new APP on my phone that should help organize me.
BWHAHAHAHAHA.. I also write one a FULL sheet of paper EVERY single day, my to do list.
AND
I write in dry erase marker on my full length mirror.
The things I don't feel like doing.. carry over onto SO many of those lists it's ridiculous. Someone might go to sit in the passenger side of my car. Look at my folded sheets of paper and see check marks and think "wow, she is really getting things done". But upon closer inspection.. seeing the same line
"CDA Follow up info"
"2009 taxes"
"Pay Credit Card Bill"
on every effing single one of those papers might make me look like a lazy bastard.
I like to think I'm somewhere in the middle.
The taxes are almost done.. just need to send in the State.. and since I owe them money I am putting that one off until the next pay check.
But if I took it off the list.. I would assume it was done and forget. So everyday for the next two weeks I will be staring at that one. Along with the Credit Card bill... it's not due for almost 3 weeks.. but I HAVE to make it visible or it fades from my consciousness.

Also, Laundry probably makes the list every other day. Cuz I hate it. So freaking much. I put it on there knowing full well I don't need it on there.. the GIGANTIC pile of clean clothes that remains IN laundry basket ON my bed needs to be put away.
Like last week.
Also the GROWING pile of whites and darks needs to be put INTO the wash. Sometimes I write it down just to piss myself off.. Like uhm Brooke.. You don't seriously need to check this one off. it shoulda been done already. Why are you sleeping on a small sliver of the bed just to avoid the laundry basket and hangers placed there and ready to get put away. Hahaha

CRAZY. I tell you. Not, freak out "where are you, why aren't you answering your phone?" kinda crazy. But crazy none the less.

Gosh I love me.

..stay tuned.

Don't even bother reading this.

2011-03-26T09:11:00.003-04:00

Dear Youknowhowyouare,

You're a jerk. I should have seen this coming. I didn't,however cuz I'm a girl and a hopeless romantic. Thanks for nothing.

Love always cuz I'm an idiot and I care about people who don't give a shit about me,
Yours truly.

Happy Saturday everyone else it's gorgeous and I am going to taste food at the vineyard where my sisters wedding is being held in November. It's a sunny day and I just bought cute new clothes. Who needs a boyfriend when you have a boyfriend sweater. Seriously it's super cute and it doesn't ignore me when I wanna traipse it all over town.
It's pretty cool.

...and rant... over.

..stay tuned

"Auntie Em! Auntie Em!"

2011-03-24T08:20:00.000-04:00

So I wish I could show you just how I've got my computer set up for the sole sake of being connected again. I don't have a desk and things are just plugged in and shoved in the corner of my new room.
Yes, new room. Cuz lucky me I finally found a place to live. I was couch surfing for a while. I now have 3 and a half roommates and I am so excited to be in a place where I can hang things on the walls and be up until all hours of the night just doing whatever I want to be doing.

So the tornado is starting to slow down and the rainbow is shining.
Here is a list of shit that's happened recently that I cannot fathom trying to put into separate posts even though they've rocked my world enough to get multiple posts each.

My second job.. closed down. The doors were literally locked on Friday and I am out of my happy home there. I'm so sad. This place was amazing to me. I swore I would never be a waitress and when I finally caved and got this job I worked my way up and kicked ass and became friends with some truly good people. But everything happens for a reason right?? Seems like a pretty fucked up reason but I guess time will only tell. (Why do cliches always find their way in, in crappy situations?)

Broke up with BabyDaddy.. that's the nickname I will give him. Though he would not be my baby daddy.. my lack of babies would prove that. He and I will continue to navigate this weird space of admitting that both of us openly said and wanted to marry each other but somehow 5 months in we found it just wasn't gonna work. Now. I don't even think I will be revisited by these men with whom things don't work. But for some reason many people think that is how things will go down. Again, probably just euphamisms people are so used to saying despite reasoning. My mom is sad about this one. I know I know I know she really liked him. I feel bad for that. Littlest dude and my step dad liked him too. It was the baseball connection and the being older and having a child made him seem mature and ready for someone like me. So far from the truth. I don't think ANYONE is ready for this!

Moved into the new place, got bitched at for the way I left the last place. Which just crushed my soul but I am trying to make things right and just move on. I really just want to be settled and happy in a place for a while. No huge move and earth shaking things for a while. Seems crazy to ask for... but I am learning that since I never.. ever.. ever ask for anything from anyone that I never got anything either. Nothing was just going to be given to me. So as verbal as I usually am I am JUST NOW learning to use it to my advantage.

..stay tuned.. maybe I can manage to sit down and start clearly writing posts in the near future.. for now please be okay with mild ranting as I seriously hope to chill things out and live for a just a little while "under the radar"

..stay tuned.

I'll sleep when I'm dead..

2011-03-22T09:02:00.000-04:00

A phrase I am often fond of saying to other people whilst they are pussing out on some adventure I would like a partner in.

But a phrase I also seriously tend to live by.
I love sleep. Do NOT get me wrong. Lazy Sundays.. yeah, during football season there will probably be no adventures to be had when my Baltimore boys are playing.

However, I have found I'm more inclined to fill up this time with a second job.
As I write this I am avoiding studying for my training sesh at a new job. A new second job, I should be clearer.

I have a Monday thru Friday janks... and I love waking up to play with kids.
But it's also not the most economically smart move to throw my heart and soul into one child care facility. Because my wallet might as well be tossed into a bonfire at that point.

I love it. I do. And I hope that my hard work pays off and I accomplish some really great thing at this place. I plan to move up. (for the first time I also plan on making sure my achievements and efforts are rewarded or compensated, kinda tired of being the right hand man who has nothing to show for it except cool words to add to my resume)

But I am too damn hyper to sit idly by and spend all that hard earned money on some really cool adventures, just to have a story.

I'm the girl who will plan out an adventure to a T. But I gotta work for it first. Earn a day off or two.

So here goes nothing as I race ahead to fill my schedule to have one day off and many days on.. and sleeping... well.. when I am dead.

..stay tuned.

One too many...

2011-03-20T20:19:00.002-04:00

The AA saying goes.. "One drink is too many and a thousand is never enough"
Well color me drunk because the last few weeks I've sought solice in the bottom of a bottle.. Not hardcore but definitely straying from my normal routine of being a one drink wonder..

The craziest loudest dancing machine at a bar that ISN"T drunk was usually how I played it.

But after Cashew and I broke up, it seemed to just happen a lot more.
(I've got so many possible nicknames for him I may interchange them, beware: confusion ahead)

I am at a loss right now. I have this "Say Anything", John Cusack moment running through my head. Does that shit happen in real life? I have always wanted it to happen to me. But what if I was the one holding the boombox over MY head?

I can't help but feel like my intuition was right. From the very beginning I knew this guy was for me. He was mine. Not just one that would be mine at some point. But mine. Like for good.

I have no problem speaking about how I currently feel because I can't see how it could get any worse. I don't have him. I see it is a last ditch effort to maybe prove to myself that these moments. The slow motion montage scenes with people running into each others arms, turning around one last time, picking up the phone, wipe the tears away and do something about it moments really do happen.

They could right?!
Love stories.. a thing of the past?

I firmly believe I was born in the wrong era. I was meant to be a wife of some man who through all the years we spent together... the fights the really bad struggles the ups and the downs we were 90 something years old saying how proud we were that we never gave up.

Where are those stories these days? Nobody seems to be able to stick it out. For me, there is no other option. The one I marry, if I marry, will be the only one.
It can't be any other way. Divorce rocked my childhood and I refuse to let anything that toxic into my life again.

Wow, that took a turn for serious. I just wonder. A lot.
And since receiving a message from his sister.. and a FB chat convo with his mother. I can't help but think, this really is a family I was meant to be a part of.

It didn't help that 24 hours after I broke it off, a boy who has been chasing me for over a year found himself in front of "Single B" for the first time.

He was just like all the others tho. I put a spell on people from far away.
They are charmed and allured. They snap out of it very quickly though.

And I am left on the top of the roller coaster climb, left to free fall alone. Again.
He wasn't anyone I cared deeply about.

Clearly because I have yet to let go of the one who had a convo with me about "when" we would get married. Not "if".
I'm an idiot.
Thus, the booze fueled nights where luckily I haven't texted him. Yet.

I never told this one I loved him. Cuz I didn't. But I don't date anyone for real if I don't see their potential.

And then I am left with a broken "potentially amazing" ex boyfriend.

I am a hopeless romantic and that part of my brain. The one that is telling me to get off my ass and write a letter. (You know the old fashioned type. Pen and paper)
Leave it on his doorstep and let him choose to meet me in a place that was special to us.

As un-girly as I claim to be.. this has got to be the girliest idea I've ever had.
Do I have enough balls to do it? And do I have enough strength to pick myself back up if it doesn't go as I would hope?

These are the questions that are yet to be answered.
But I do know that when I saw him recently, he was kind,sweet, helpful and I cried as I drove away from him.
I don't cry.

But for someone I didn't love. I have cried a lot over him.
oh Lordy, the inner workings of 26 year old brain is quite frightening at times.

...stay tuned.

" Playoffs?!?! "

2011-01-09T10:51:00.005-05:00

(Jim Mora Sr. said my title quote, if you recall from the Coors Light commercials. I found that out last night. He was the then coach of the Colts (which was probably shortly after the team was stolen from my hometown! ))

Whewww.. that last one was a doozy.. sorry folks.

I was totally thrown for a loop and did not expect that much emotion to spew out of me.
Which is apparently my new thing. I like, cry now.

That is a weird sentence. But follow me here.. Previously, short of a limb missing or a death in the family, tears really weren't my thing. I just didn't cry. I grew up in a family of "suck it up". And I always did.

But now for some reason. I cry. Things aren't going right with my boyfriend. I cry.
Movies make me tear up.

You know that damn show Paula Abdul is on now? Live to Dance I think it is. Yeah definitely felt the tight throat and the eyes started to well up.

So the other night when I was trying to find a way to get over the harsh realities of who I am related to and just may have the same tendencies as. I cried.

Only for like a minute tho. On the phone with my best friend. So whatever..now I gotta go be my normal tough girl self and watch my team get further into the Playoffs.

I am so freaking excited the last 3 years we have been in the Playoffs and I have more purple to wear than ever before.
It's actually starting to get alarming.

I've asked people to not purchase any more purple attire for me for a while. I am fearful of being.. "the purple girl" . In fact I watched an episode of.. some Style Network show where they re do your wardrobe and this lady was a purple lady.

The host was the daughter of a purple lady. It was very traumatizing. I do not want to get confused with those wack jobs who have purple frames, purple shoes and purple moo moos on..

But I also am superstitious about my sports teams and this year my superstition is that I cannot wear the Ravens logo and win. Though I have awesome jerseys and jackets adn scarves and hate and pants and sweatshirts and socks and cups and salt and pepper shakers (yeah that one is weird, but I plan on having my very own WOman cave and decorating it with all Baltimore stuffs) anywho. It's all invalid this year. Not able to wear drink from or use any logoed stuff.

So I carefully plan how I wear this purple and black combo.. In fact I need to do that now. The game is on in 2 hours. Gotta get a seat at my local watering hole.

Happy Playoffs!

...stay tuned.

Genetically Engineer This

2011-01-07T20:51:00.002-05:00

People are worried about babies being all blonde haired and blue eyed if we start genetically modifying human chromosomes to people's specifications.

How about this.. let's not care about what people think they want on the surface of their child. How about we start controlling who breeds and/or we genetically modify children to take the "egotistical asshole" gene out. Cuz I'm so freaking tired of having to admit to sharing a gene pool with some. Like you are worried your kid won't be 6'7 and play basketball and make you rich.

How about we create the kid and ask them what they hate about you and then reverse the process and take those genes out. To the future person's specifications.

I mean damn... if we are gonna start down that road I'm just asking that maybe we take a look at that as a possibility... (No? Well, I tried to make the human race better. You can't say I didn't try.)

When you grow up you start seeing people for who they are. Not just your family with labels like Dad, Mum, Sister or Uncle.. they are just regular freaking people. That you have to deal with a lot more often. And with awful terrible qualities and hysterical quirks and most of them have so many redeeming qualities that it makes it all worth it in the end.
But you still always call your family "crazy" to any outsider or new relationship you are inviting to a family gathering for the first time.

It's just a buffer to show that you are aware these people aren't normal but you had no control of how your family trees branches extend.
So no one can blame you. Right?

Well blame me if you want... I will gladly admit that having me in their lives has affected the outcome of who these people are. So maybe it's my fault for being the kid I was. Which in turn created the monsters I'm dealing with now. (Unrealistic,yes but I'm willing to go there to prove that I don't give a F@*% anymore)

My younger brother is dependent on many people and I was (and probably always will be) there for him when he doesn't or hasn't done much for himself, and struggles. You know why? Cuz he is my best friend. He loves me. He is there for me. He pisses me off every effing Christmas and many other times when he acts like he is the only one who matters. But he is freaking hysterical. Like seriously you will never hang out with him, ever, without smiling hard or cracking up. Not even a funeral.
It's a talent. A redeeming quality, if you will... he's got a couple damn good ones I'd say.

But there are some people who I would like to un-relate myself to. It's seriously appalling. And my pride is a huge reason why I put up with it time and time again.
For example, I am too proud to say that I don't have a relationship with a big part of my family, by choice. I've always craved things to be "by the book" and I like symmetry and things nice and even and balanced. So to cut someone out, seems to go against those ideas of how I think I like my life.

So many people have lost loved ones and would give anything to have time with them now. And to say to someone that I've chosen to cut myself off from a person to whom I'm related... seems disgusting. Like I'm spitting in the face of what a family is all about.

Especially when the reason wouldn't be some awful tragic story of them beating me or inappropriate touching or something for real serious like that. Cuz those people who sever ties with an abusive (in any form of the word) relative get a free pass from me.

No judging here. I would never fault someone for walking away from that. I do know that people say blood is thicker than water. And "that's your _______, doesn't that mean anything to you?"

Like that really matters?

These are people. And people are freaking terrible and disappointing and human and mean and sad and ruthless and egotistical assholes. And I feel like I can't stand it anymore.

Am I to the point where I am able to take a stand and let my broken heart heal again but this time without the fear and ultimate knowing of the future hurt that will inevitably happen again.? I don't know that yet.

I swore to myself I would start doing things for me this year.. and the first week in it's like someone is testing me. Like God is saying "oh, so you want to do things that are going to benefit you?" "For real, you want to work on becoming better and happier and healthier?" "Here is the BIGGEST test of your almost 26 years on this planet.. ready.. set.. go."

And BOOM! Egotistical assholes go into full effect and I cannot believe I have to be in the same room as these people and act like they don't make me sick.

In this year alone the amount of times I have shed tears matches the amount of times I've cried in the last 10 years.
I'm repulsed that people can bring me to this point and I continue to allow it to happen.

I'm going to take away their power. By simply choosing my words very (oh so very ) carefully and expressing my last attempt at civility. And when the time is right. The white flag will be thrown and I will bow out gracefully.

I will absolutely not live the rest of my life battling a relationship that is forced upon me because of our status of being relatives.

.. I just got excited. It SOOOO is not going to happen like, tomorrow. But I know that I am doing the best thing for me. And maybe for a multitude of my other gene pool swimmers who are dying to say or do the same thing.

Change.. it ain't just for Obama.

I would be doing a disservice to my family, every one of them if I didn't acknowledge that each one of them has brought me to this wonderful place of happiness at some point. That they've gone out of their way to accommodate myself or others around me so kindly. They are charming, sweet, strong, unbelievably intelligent and all around amazing people.I am blessed, so truly blessed to have the family that I have.
It is this reason that I've chosen to write about it and possibly shake things up with some action following my words. My family is so important to me, this Thanksgiving I was speechless for days at trying to explain to fellow family members just how grateful I am for my immediate family and each one of my 30+ first cousins, and 20 something aunts and uncles and much more. They are the reason I want to start procreating today until my house sounds like an entire school. They are my heart and they are the reason I love my life so profoundly.

But no one gets a pass to suck the life out of me.Sorry, you picked the wrong year to be a punk ass bitch.(again)

...stay tuned.

Twenty something...

2011-01-03T21:08:00.006-05:00

The year of the ME.. well I don't know what it is the year of.. nor do I care.
This year is all about me damnit.

Not that every year doesn't have it's ME moments but I cannot will not try to repeat the chaos-ity of last years festivities. Now don't get me wrong.. I'm all about being the support system for people.

In fact, it kinda makes me who I am.I would SO much rather be someone else's rock than to actually go chase my own dreams..

((((( halt the screeching tires))))

Strike that, reverse it. Well at least this year I am going to give a big middle finger to the world and say SUCK IT to all the peoples and their happy weddings and cute little fat cheeked babies being born.
I GOTTA DO ME!

But I'm gonna do it with class.. cuz the lil sis just asked me to be her Maid of Honor for her October wedding.. so trust me I ain't turning down that honor.

I heart this girl and cannot wait to see these two married.. I love them both so much and again.. would dream of nothing more than to be there to support them in this endeavor.

So my mini meltdown just days before 2011 is in the past.
Literally.

But God was I ready to let that year go by the wayside. I've never felt less like a human than when I was just over scheduled to show up and/or organize an event for people for whom I love, multiple times a month, for a whole freaking year.
Seriously,sometimes I just wanna be invited to things.. not be an integral part of them. There is a little extra joy in seeing an invite in the mail with your name on it that you didn't write yourself. Or that you haven't already been yelled at for not yet responding... aren't I just assumed at this point?
Granted my plus one ditched me around July when the going was getting tough in the scheduled events field so I do understand a little extra clarification for the invitees at that point.

That sounds so Sally Spoiled.. at 25 watching all those people have their shit together and make big boy (girl) moves was a little tough to swallow at times.

I definitely want to be there. But freak at the actual thought of it all.. so just playing Bridesmaid was enough for me. Until I did it 4 times in one year. Then it gets harder.

There is no effing way Katherine Heigl did it 27 times. Bitch lied.

She would have jumped out a 27 story building before she got to that 10th wedding...

But enough about her.. cuz I really could not care for an actress any less than her.

Twenty Eleven is here y'all...
Nothing cooler than trying to explain a whole new year to 4 year olds... which is what I spent my Monday doing.

So here's my idea.. and someone hold me to this around April I will have probably forgotten but I'm writing this shit down to try to hold myself accountable (yeah that's a new thing in 2011!)

I'm trying something new every week of this year.

Sounds lame right.
I know.

But it's cool, for someone as rigid and unable to deal with change as myself this is pretty awesome. Little things like trying a new smoothie flavor at my favorite Smoothie Shop (Tropical Smoothie Cafe gets my vote! Def not Robeks!)

or Drinking coffee.. to lay off the energy drinks until I get the allergy thing figured out. So what if it's flavored coffee with flavored creamer and plenty of sugar.. I'm sure it's better for me than 23436 AMPs. I however have yet to grow a pair and order a real coffee drink at Starbucks.. it scares me.

or Working really hard at thinking before I speak.
Mind you, the bf has a daughter and thusly, a baby momma. So I am trying to tread lightly in that regard...as a child who has a step mother, and in contact with my mother as to her thoughts as the baby momma (actually ex-wife.. little different but same gist of a relationship with the kid and step mom)) S I was proud when I played the "well she has a lot on her plate right now" card when Mr. Cool didn't get the little one for his families big Christmas thing. Though I wanted to be more like this.."Listen bitch, you have your new hubby and a new baby let the boy have the love of his life for a few fucking hours since he drives out to the middle of no where since your lazy ass doesn't help a brother out ever.. SHIT!"
But I haven't been formally introduced yet.. so I thought I'd lay low for the next 38 years while they work it out between themselves.

Wow.. tangent.. sorry.

But for realsies this feels amazing.
I spoke about my knowledge of this relationship being the last one I'm ever in..

but not cuz I'm dying.. cuz I don't know that yet.
My hypochondria may have led some to believe this was the case at any given moment but I have insurance now!
WOOP WOOP!

So I'm going to schedule like 9000 doctor's appt's this year and get myself all figured out. So I can stop telling people my food allergies are going to be the death of me.

Oh gosh it feels so good to write again.. I'm sure reading this feels nothing like that though.

I apologize.
Cuz I'm lazy and don't want to edit this.

So. Stream of Consciousness thanks for being a cover for people who talk to effing much and have exhausted all the ears of their loved ones.

... Cheers to a wonderful year that will have a Domino effect on all my other years being as magically productive and equally balanced.

...stay tuned.

Mind. Completely. Blank.

2010-09-21T20:35:00.004-04:00

Can't.
Think.
Until.
Weddings.
Are.
Over.

November maybe? Oh wait.. Thanksgiving Damnit. December? No freaking way, mom's birthday and Christmas.

2011!!!
That's my chance to see if my sanity is still hanging around and scoop it back into myself cuz right now I see celebratory hell.
I mean.
Wedded bliss and babies and stuff..
the things life is really about.
Except if you are me.
Then it's about
..well

my classroom.
Which is cool.. but I can't think about what I'm going to put on a bulletin board or which color construction paper I can use for my next lesson plan all the time.

Seriously. I don't care if my big boss is ocming to check things out.. does she have ANY idea what it's like to be a bridesmaid 3 times in 6 months?
Yeah didn't think so.
So back off Boss Lady, my classroom looks amazing and my kids love me. Isn't that enough? Oh god I'm yelling at a lady with whom I haven't met yet. See what weddings do to a 25 year old single girl?

Although, I did start playing softball again and that was slightly exhilerating.
Only cuz I didn't suck (which was kind of awesome considering my body's condition right now), and there was a super cute boy there who was a loud mouth like me.
Yay.

I will take it.
Cuz honestly a friend just shared with me her upcoming "bundle of joy" news.. and there is at least 3 more weddings and one more baby I know about for 2011..so maybe before the end of the world ( mayan calendar ending) I will get to have some time to myself.
Or actually have something to celebrate and make all those damn new couples and new mommies come celebrate me for a change.

Okay project FallinLoveGetMarried&HaveBaby commence.

WAIT WHHHHAAATTT?!?!!!! Did I just say?
See they are totally fucking with my head!

Like I said.

Can't
Think.
Until.
Weddings. (and babies)
Are.
Over.

..stay tuned.
(if I survive living out the script of 27 dresses)

To prove to Dad I'm not a fool...

2010-09-08T19:58:00.002-04:00

"Back to school. Back to school, to prove to Dad I'm not a fool"

hahah cannot stop singing Billy Madison's little diddy.
I cannot believe it but here it is. The school year is upon us and I am teaching an entire class. Well.. trying to.

I've got one huge mound of opposition. She has a name but we will call her, Big B.
And man is she one. At 50 somethin' to still be playin bullshit games it's unbelievable to me. I want to teach kids. Not scream and yell at them. I guess when you bring an entire box of "treats" every day to bribe children then of course they will love you.

My approach is a little different but I can't even get into that right now. She gets me so riled up it's not even worth it most times. She's crazy and mark my words, I am going to make her life HELL until she walks her ass out the door.
I can play this game Big B... and trust me I'm better at it.
Half your age, half your size and double your brains.
Watch and see which one of us walks out that door first.

Amzingly that is one of my lesser concerns these days. Trying to tackle this classroom by myself is another one that makes me want to rip out my hair daily because I feel so ill equipped at the planning part.. the creativity I got down pat. The follow through, is what I've never been good at.
But this job is making me figure it out. Which is cool. My boss today found out about the idea of me moving to Costa Rica to persue a teaching type job there and she swore up and down she wasn't letting me go. That in the last 4 years in that classroom I am the best teacher these children have had. It feels amazing to hear that.
Costa Rica was already out before she said anything but mostly because of one of my other more pressing issues

BRIDEZILLAS!!!!
Holy crap. I know people talk about this time in your life where everyone gets married and the single ones (OBVIOUSLY ME!) are always tossed around in the whirling winds of wedding season.
Have you seen the movie 27 dresses?
Well I should sue because apparently that movie was about me and I didn't even know it.
I'm working on being a bridesmaid for the 3rd tim in 4 months this year. WHile missing 3 weddings in attendance due to conflicting schedules also while trying to make it to 3 other sets of wedding related parties and such.

HOLE

LEE

SHIT.
People. Stop being in love for like 8 seconds so this girl can breathe. Or at least find me a boyfriend who could handle watching his gf be a bridesmaid 1235 more times before he starts to freak out and run.

Also, that brings up another one of my issues thats weighing on me.
Why the EFF would I be dreaming about my ex?
Like, every single night he is in at least one if not more dreams.
Um. No thank you.

Seriously, no friggin thank you. I hate waking up and thinking about him it's just stupid. There have been other exes in the dreams which I should probably just look up and see what it means because it's starting to freak my freak.

But by far the biggest issue in my life right now is my food allergies.
Or assumed food allergies. I have no idea what is really going on with me but I feel like I'm dying.. in a food allergy sort of death.
Let me explain.

You HAVE to eat to live.
But involved is so much pain and discomfort and distress that it feels like I'd rather starve at some points.
How can this be me? I am so freaking low maintenence that it irks me to admit my body ain't workin right. At 25 I feel like a loser for having all these issues.

But god bless getting some form of insurance soon and I will be able to go to the doctor's and go check that out. Only a month more of pure agony.
Should be no problem right.
Oh yeah I have to go make dinner now. I'm afraid to cook anything. This should be awesome.

Someone please check on me in a week.

...stay tuned.

I'm gonna blame the lack of nutrition for the reason this post makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. I would apologize but what's the point I'm dying anyway.
(Lol. I spend all day with 5-12 year olds.. they've taught me the art of being Melodramatic!)

Beacon of Light

2010-07-29T18:32:00.002-04:00

You know, children have a way. A way to absolutely show you love in the most unconditional form. Most people are missing this from their lives.

They are an absolute pleasure to be around. I probably scolded and redirected the children in my class like 2350895 times today. But if you asked me how my day was, I would emphatically respond with "wonderful!" Because it isn't this group of children that is special. It is all children.

I guess I should first say that JobOne and JobTwo are now no longer. I have a new JobOne. And old JobOne may be come JobTwo. But right now I can't stomach teh thought of going back to a restaurant. I left, I feel amazing not dealing with shitty people and their food and their shitty attitudes when things beyond my control go wrong.
I had fully intended to keep them in my back pocket and use that job as a safety net for extra cash flow. Cuz lord knows I need it. But I've always been more a fan of personal happiness than personal financial gain. Call me crazy.

Anywhoozle, I seriously wake up in the mornings, excited. Okay I lied. I wake up groggy and pissed off that my sleep was disrupted. And as of late I am even more perturbed that there is no longer anyone next to me when I wake up. (But I won't go off on that tangent!) But minutes after I have actually awoken from my slumber I put on my happy face and go trudging forward through the muck and the crap that the rest of the world is throwing at me. It's all adults who fling the jaded attitudes my way and the overall piss poor oras.

I wish everyone could be near a child and feel the absolute wonder that is going on beside them. So many people give me a face, like "OH MY GOSH" or "i Don't know how you do it" kinda face. Really People? You would rather talk to Joe Schmo about selling this or that to them? You find joy from your little doggies tail wagging when you come home? You like typing up and printing reports on this market trend or that sales goal? Blah Blah Blah I would kill myself.

Give me one child who didn't want to get out of bed this morning, one who always asks questions every 8 seconds, one who thinks that laughing when the whole class is quiet is the best thing ever, one who doesn't talk and if they do they are only talking to themselves, and like 15 more who are just like them. Give them all to me and I will honestly tell you everyday I will go home with a smile on my face and every day I will arrive with a smile on my face.

I am not without struggles believe you me (bubs that one was for you). It is nearly impossible for me to get school aged kids to settle down enough for me to even re decorate the room to enhance their learning experience. It is awful repeating myself over and over again. It is heart breaking to watch a child cry for their mother for 9 straight hours. It is humanly impossible to rid yourself of a headache in a classroom where quiet will NEVER exist.

But that one random hug. That sweet "I love you Ms.Brooke" or the parent who comes in and thanks you for the fact that their child never wants to leave and can't get there fast enough each morning. Those are what I live for. And I am thankful that at least one of those things happens, EVERY, SINGLE, DAY.

Can you tell me that the days you put into your job once you've finished an exciting project or gotten a raise you've been working towards or problem solved an issue that no one else did, those days following that are just as rewarding as the days during? I highly doubt it.

As someone who one days wants her own class sized brood, I am thankful people are willing to let me borrow theirs each day to awe and wonder at these amazing things that bring my heart sheer joy.

I've been absent from this role for a couple of years now and am left wondering why. I don't suppose I will leave it again any time soon. Because not only do I get to work 8-5 but I know what a weekend is meant to be now. I know that if I make a mistake the surrounding humans will forgive me. They will embrace me with open arms and show me the way. Each day they are being taught to do just that. So given the opportunity they will show you what they've learned. Tell me that in your career there are the same graces?

And that is my ultimate goal. Give each child the tools to make the world a better place. I won't do it FOR them and I cannot do it alone. They are my army of kindness, my warriors of change and my beacons of light. Because as long as they prove to me over and over again that in this world you can love everyone and everything without reason and with reckless abandon I will continue to lead them in that direction.

They need me to be a warm body to watch them, that is really all they need from me. But I need them to do what children do best. Be awe struck and wonderous and ultimately good, full of love and the desire to learn.

I never want to get away from that. Most jobs I've ever worked would say that I always arrive with a smile on my face or a perky attitude. It's hard to take that away from me even in the crappiest of jobs. But I learned it all from them. Good day bad day or in between these children are saving me from myself. At 25 years old I refuse to be sucked into the world that we call "the real world".

Grown-ups and grumpy attitudes,not for me. Thanks but no thanks. I look like I'm 12 and I hope to act like it for the rest of my life.

...stay tuned.

Too much of a good thing?

2010-07-26T19:50:00.002-04:00

I've not had my computer handy for months, thus the lack of communication on my blog.

There has been so much happening I would have loved to share. Almost 7 months ago I met the man of my dreams. Alas, nothing lasts in this world and I have had a blogging break up. I've never had my heart broken before. Never been in love before. There is a first time for everything. And this, at 25 years young is my first, real, break up.

Kill me now. Just kidding I think I am surviving relatively well. I hate tears and all that is associated with being sad. But I cannot hide the truth. I am indeed quite sad. I may not let on. I may blatenly tell people. "I am sad" which seems to boast the opposite when you are out galavanting around with them just talking about your sadness rather than wallowing in it.

I had ONE day that I let myself wallow in it. It was horrible. The tears and the snot and the murmuring to myself. It's all very strange to me to let that release happen at such a stage in my life. I feel like I'm too old to act like that. Like a sniveling, sad puppy. It's unbecoming and I don't fancy the results.

Being, the exact feeling you had before. What does crying beget you? Nothing. Tom Hanks was right. "there's no crying in baseball!" nor should there be in life.
Now even just weeks ago, I would have sung you the praises of a 24 year old gorgeoous man that stole my heart in Key West, and that's why we will call him "Keys".

Keys was a lively spirit full of energy that I had been lacking in so many of my previous relationships. You may recall my affinity for older men. Much older than myself. They pretty much come with a sign that says, "Caution,Slow Old Men At Play" and I was missing a level of spontanaeity in any relationship with said men.

This one had it, we themed our relationship "adventurous". Well apparently as soon as the novelty wore off he woke up and realized he was telling a girl he loved her and it seemed a bit boring and maybe he was saying something he didn't mean.

A problem I have yet to encounter. I very rarely speak something that is not exactly how I feel. Which is why he and I have not spoken since the day after our break up. We've texted and it's been cold. I feel like I don't even know this human with whom I was head over heels for just DAYS ago.

We change, as people should. But how can one man utter the words , while laying in bed next to me, "I love you so much, and I don't tell you that enough I think." amd days later he embarks on a vacation with family and friends to a tropical locale. He texts and unprompted "I love you" at 4am when the plane is leaving. Proceeds to enjoy a week of seemingly single bliss and returns to a gift on his front door, a note and the desire to not be in a relationship anymore.

UGH. It boggles my mind but the broken hearted girl in me desires to know "why?" "what happened?", "did you ever actually love me?" but the sane human in me realized the answers to this question do not contain any healing powers.

So for days and days I have been at a loss for words. I've written down the anger. The pain and the sadness of losing. The joy of what once was. The embarassment of feeling unrequited love. And he has yet to see any of those words. They are cathartic at times. The words go into the universe and I feel as though I no longer need to shake him violently or throw things at him.

It's weird. Today I realized I am better off.I would never want someone to be ina relationship with me if they weren't really IN it. So I can't wait until the day that a man captures my heart. Sweeps me off my feet and loves me until I can't breathe.
It will come. I know I deserve it.

The title of this post refers to the fact that I think my ability to put all of my thoughts and feelings into words may have done me more harm than good in this case.
Ive always believed that "honesty is the best policy" but apparently when you tell someone matters of the heart some times a little mystery or words left unsaid is a good thing.
I still think it's crap.
I'm an over communicator. I will find someone who knows that plans are good. Making and sticking with the commitments you make to someone are a sign of your friendship and love. SHaring that with many people is not a bad thing. Telling people where they stand with you is okay. In fact, most people appreciate it.
Praising someone and building them up is always better than breaking them down.

Simple things I thought most people understood by now.
Apparently I was wrong.

But to all you good people who read this.
Thank you for being my release this week. I am smiling and happy and am so proud of my best friend who just got married on Saturday. It was beautiful and their love keeps me going knowing that it's out there.

Blah Blah Blah, even with that I feel all sentimental and crap and it's freaking me out.
My old roommate just had a baby and really I'm over the games and the BS. There is too much good in this world to dwell on or get scared of the bad.

So. Off to Spencer's I got to buy a little bumper sticker thing of those stupid looking bunnies that read things like "Boys are Stupid".
Don't judge me I got dumbped a week ago.

Now where is that super hot man who was flirting with me and invited me to go rock climbing? I'm ready for different "adventures" now!

...stay tuned.

Re-Vamp Tramp

2010-06-19T20:10:00.003-04:00

OH how I missed you kids!
and how I missed just sitting down and writing my every thought and the severe delusion than anyone was enjoying said thoughts.

And quite honestly I just went back and re read some of my posts and I am shocked that were any amount of people over zero that read this thing.
And then I went all emo girl and took a break from writing cuz my life got in the way I guess. So if there are any of you left out there, thanks for holding on.
And hopefully we will find some new friends a long the way!

Let me not act like I am in a better place now and suddenly I'm funnier and more poignant. Cuz I totally am. But I just won't act like it. Cuz you know.. being all gloaty isn't very nice.

But let me just say this. I definitely am like 25 now and should have some cooler stories by now. So yeah, what I been trying to stumble and bumble around is that

I'M BBBBAAACCCCCCKKKKKK...
(hide the children)
and the flavored vodka (just in case)
(that just in case is just in case Chelsea Handler is anywhere near, because apparently she likes midgets and vodka. And I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned that my body towers in at a whopping 60 inches. So she may be lurking near by. I'm just sayin...

..stay tuned.

WOW I SUCK!

2009-11-24T12:25:00.002-05:00

It's been wayyyyyyyy too long since I've posted on here.
So much has happened. Yet nothing has happened

But this post and what I am going to get back to doing is posting about my life but what started my ventures into the blogosphere. Triathlons.

I just signed up for a HALF IRONMAN Triathlon.
Holy Crap I think I just pooped my pants at that thought.

I am seriously going to do a
1.2 mile swim
56 mile bike
13.1 mile run

I don't even like running. Oh God what did I just do?
Oh yeah, it's for a good cause. Team In Training is going to work hard to get me to the point where I am able to actually complete this event. And in the process we are going to raise money for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

If you want to know more here is my donation page.
I could seriously use all the help I can get.
No seriously, if you want to send band aids or some gatorade, or just donate. I can seriously use it all.

Motivation too.. words of encouragement, those are always welcomed as I am a lazy bastard who needs a push every SINGLE morning to get out of bed!

Growing Pains

2009-07-21T11:01:00.002-04:00

Ever have a moment when you know you are going for something and it's been a long time coming?
How about a moment when you know you are leaving some sort of youth behind and there are some adult decisions ahead.
Gross. Right?

Well I am pretty sure I am growing up right this very moment.
Here's how I know. I am about to go for my dreams.No joke.

I have a severe case of the 'fraid of failures. I am a perfectionist and some times it is debilitating. I will not attempt something if I know I cannot do it perfectly on the first try basically. It is so upsetting to know that this is my fatal flaw and I cannot get over it sometimes. It's a voice in my head that keeps my feet planted when I want to run in one direction. Be it good bad or ugly.

Granted I have accomplished some things despite this. But it takes a major rise up inside my soul to get it out of me and ignore all those neurotic thoughts that I should just not do it.

Take the Triathlon for example.
That came out of no where, and I trained by myself and I ran across that finish line. I then walked away and I will probably never do another one because of my neuroses. It took over a year for me to get back into the training thing and do this half marathon I am apparently doing. But I am having a hard time training by myself and just today I thought about giving up.

Goodness I think I need to seek professional help.Ha!

But after the whole giving up thing I thought about what this lunch today was going to provide me.

It is a girlfriend and myself meeting up and swapping our abilities...
she needs my help in the planning of her impending nuptials. My perfectionism also makes me a great candidate to be event planner extraordinaire.
and
I need her ability to transform my resume into multiple job offers ! She's all 23 and growned up and businessy smart and stuff.

So I loves it.
It's something that for me, is big. I am moving in a positive direction, taking a step if you will.

And usually I like to sit in my little spot and watch everyone else take their steps around me.

Forwards and back they go.

And I am pretty good at helping people pick themselves up when they are falling backwards. I am also a great support when people need a boost forward.
But again, I myself never usually take steps myself.

So here I go.
...stay tuned.

..p.s. writing this post is making me late!
I am only taking one step here people. The not procrastinating part of me has yet to grow up!

A Post In Pictures..

2009-07-16T17:00:00.000-04:00

Here is my cute cocktail table
that fits perfectly on our
tiny little balcony.

BUT

So I ate my lunch inside...

and oogled, my new shoes..Mmmm shoes.

and here is proof that no good deed goes unpunished.

So She has been training this whole time! Maybe because she sucks.
AND she has a story to cover it up. So "white Chantal" I am never going to you again.I will continue to donate my blood, just not with you at the helm. If I go back in 56 days (which is the alloted time your body needs to heal between blood suckings I mean..) and you are there.. I will fake a sudden illness if you call me up to your chair. You best believe I will!

Because look at me!

But for now I will go back to dancing around my house and listening to

Oh crap, it got quiet. It's so smart it's asking me if I am still listening.
When I said yet it immediately played Amy Winehouse. Today is a good day.

If only I didn't have to work..OH CRAP!
WORK!

..stay tuned.

Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle.... (wait for it)

2009-07-16T12:18:00.002-04:00

Holy shit she cannot really be that dumb.

That is actually what I nicknamed three people that I work with. Tweedle dee is the dumb cute one. He just isn't who he thinks he is. Or very good at anything. And it's comical.

Tweedle Dumb is the little beyotch who works occasionally 'cuz daddy has enough money to buy everyone inside the walls of JobOne. She shows up and has a smile on her face until someone questions to her as to why she hasn't quite done everything she should be doing. Then the attitude of twelve teenage girls boils up inside her and comes spewing out. It's disgusting. She has never heard of help, nor does she want it.And so, I will let her fall flat on her face without even the slightest urge to lend a hand.

THEN there is tweedle, holy crap she can't really be that dumb.
But she is. It is absolutely startling to come face to face with someone to whom "ignorance is bliss" so aptly applies. Rather, it is the very essence in which she lives her life. But she is too oblivious to know that is how she is living her life.
SUPER cute girl too. What a waste. She is very pretty and would be stepping over all of the guys to get to the top had she any (and I mean ANY) idea how to do a job.
Just, A job. But the simple task of waiting tables is lost on her. After a night with a two table section in which she forgot to greet one of her TWO tables for at least 15 minutes I asked her how her night went. She proclaimed "not bad! I had this one lady who came up and hugged me!"
Yeah, that is exactly what I wanted to know about your night. Not possibly how many guests will never come back through those doors based solely on your performance tonight.

Oh work, how you entertain me. Speaking of work. It is time. For JobTwo or a job switcheroo. I am looking to get out of the area that I am currently living in and I know that wherever I land anywhere I can wait tables. I've now seen it, I'm a master server. Great. That does not intrigue me in any sort of way. I know that I can fall back on these skills but by no means do I intend to keep fine tuning my serving skills.
No.
I must set forth on the journey to become master party planner.
So here, today along with running 5 miles. (shit, I forgot about that until just now!) I will be retouching my resume and getting on the ball.
Going to find me a job in the event planning biz. Yup Yup. (said like Ducky or Petri from Land Before Time)

Wohoo for being productive, or at least writing it down and such.
...stay tuned.

Oh also, a random rant...Feel free to not read this if you don't want to hear me bitch about something so trivial as a word. Oh wait. I love words. And so should you!
So read this and make sure you don't do these bad things! Please. (I always say I hate people, but I really just hate stupid people!)

Did you know that irregardless is actually a word now? (thank God spell check does NOT recognize it though) Or apparently has been for some time. I am furious with this. Our society is to effing lazy to tell people that it is STILL not a word and instead of correcting people we've taken the "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" mentality. Seriously Webster or Merriam? You couldn't stand hearing people say a word that isn't a word so you just go ahead and make up a word that means the exact same thing as the word they don't know how to use. Well here's one for ya. Should we start making the phrase "I couldn't care less" into "I could care less" because people are just as ignorant when it comes to paying attention to what they are saying with that phrase too...

Monkey Fightin' Snakes

2009-07-13T14:14:00.002-04:00

It's monday and I am just now slowing down. Ugh. Working weekends pretty much blows but a girls' gotta do something to pay the bills right?

I met some guy last night who decided that in five minutes I was the asset his high powered law firm was looking for in their events planning department.

Um? Seriously?

Is this guy completely full of shit or what? Did I tell him that I really think my future is in event planning? Weird. I mean, he deemed me smart,personable and a hard worker and a few other flattering things that I can't even remember because I really could not decide if he could possibly see these things from one conversation at my bar.
Time Out: I just looked up his law firm... which does exist thankfully. However I am pretty good with names and I cannot find his anywhere on their "professionals" tab. So he totally works for this company as the mail guy. Sweet.

Oh also, sheesh I almost forgot. (p.s. my new word is sheesh, I like it, so deals with it. Oh yea putting on an "s" on random words is fun too. And Mary-Kate and Ashley are my idols so what?! (only kidding I like Amy Winehouse much more))

My sister and my bestie and I are going to do a half marathon. Hahahahaha I mean. I might survive and walk it but they will both probably train correctly and end up doing it. I on the other hand go on long runs, that consist of me getting lost, walking to ensure that my heart does not jump out of my chest and running so slow that when I come back an hour later I've actually not gained any ground I just went way slower. Awesome I love running.

I mean the Triathlon was bad enough, but it had enough tempo changes and straight up switching of events that my ADD brain couldn't come up with a reason not to finish the current event because there was actually an end in sight.

But running? Just plain ol' Forrest Gumping it? I mean I'd run a lot longer and faster if you gave me something to run from...
Come to think of it that may be a genius plan..

I'm gonna run from:

My future and having to think about it in any way shape or form.

Growing up. (Michael Jackson was on to something, Neverland here I come!)

A serious relationship with, ugh, a boy.

Third dates with boys. ("ass face" nickname boy, I'm already over it. Apparently I have no heart.)

Cleaning my life. (yes I have to put it that unspecific because if I thought about all the things I needed to clean up, literally clean, I would cry. And then I would have to run from my feelings too and that just seems something crazy people do.)

The fact that I have no credit and I am still driving my shit car that makes me want to cry (crap! see next item to run from...)

Feelings.

Okay I am pretty sure that is a good enough list of things to run from. I mean I could run from "the law" that would be a lot cooler, but, I won't.
For now.

...stay tuned.

p.s. Listening to Billy Currington's "stay" is breaking my heart, he is so sexy and I want someone to sing that song to me! Ugh. I'm gonna run from my sad sack love life too.

Like with everything else I do, a day late and a dollar short.

2009-07-09T17:00:00.000-04:00

Clearly boys are on my mind. My posts have mostly been about men.

But let's be honest what single twenty four year old isn't constantly thinking about them? Whether it's about the co worker who is too cute to be as effing obnoxious as he is. ( I seriously want to take a spoon to his eyeballs, and that's on a good day)

Or about the guy who I told not to call me pet names, so he now texts me with endearing titles like " hey ass face" and it makes me giggle. He is also convinced he can win over my father and any man who is up for that task is okay by me. (and I have painted my father in the most accurate light that I can, we will just see if he can handle me long enough to get to the meeting my pops stage.)

Or how about the guy who I cannot figure out what I feel about him because he is hilarious but he likes to just flake out on his responsibilities and go drinking instead.

What about the guy that makes my heart melt and I feel more comfortable with him than any other guy I know. Oh wait I forgot I am banning myself from thinking about him. It's like he has a radar when he knows I'm thinking about him and immediately pounces on my weak brain and sends me saucy messages that are the perfect start to my night. But the perfect ending to those nights would be spent with him, and that never happens. Especially while he's got a GF which is usually the case over the last 6 years.

Ughh, this post was not supposed to be all about boys.

I want to say Happy Birthday to America! I know I am days late on this one but I was too busy wrapping myself up in an American flag cheering at exploding lights in the sky and throwing back Natty Boh's like a good little American girl to worry about the blogging part of America that needed a birthday wish.

I also wanted to put into words my sincere sadness about the passing of our one and only King of Pop.
I think I am a little more sad that most people my age but I have yet to get in touch with just how depressing this really is.

Don't judge me!

MJ meant a lot to me, and this world and I don't want to hear about people bitching about his Rolls Royce and Range Rover motorcade. Hello, have you heard of this guy? Been entertaining us for effing decades people. DECADES! Not one person can tell me they didn't enjoy at least one of his songs. Before his passing, earlier this summer I was at the beach house and heard the neighbor kids playing the Free Willy soundtrack at about 2 am and I ran over there and made them put it on repeat for about 20 minutes.

It was a glorious 20 minutes.

I wouldn't even turn on his memorial service yesterday because I was convinced I might shed a tear. After I saw a clip of his gorgeous little girl Paris get up there and speak I am convinced I would have been a bumbling idiot. So for now I've got my Pandora radio station devoted to just MJ songs. Loves it.

Also Steve McNair, like a classic NFL asshole was cheating on his wife. But any former Raven that leaves this earth is a sad day for me.

So guess what my genius idea for Halloween is..

I was totally gonna be the Lady Gaga, but now I am going to get a crew and be This Year's Dead Celebrities.

I could take it two places, dress up like them, as corpses. Which would fit in my usual desire for grim and gore and guts on my favorite holiday.

OR

I thought about dressing up like these celebrities in their hey day. Paying homage to them. Like Farrah in that memorable red bathing suit.

Either way will be cool.

OH but wouldn't it be funny to dress like a pack of dead celebrities lead by MJ and we can all do the Thriller dance! Oh I wish I had cool enough friends who would pull that off with me!

...stay tuned
(I'm sure there will be more boys to add to the mix soon, like the chef who is too scared of women right now but I will make him get over it and cook me a fabulous date!)

Little Spoon

2009-07-08T15:06:00.003-04:00

I am five feet tall. The decibel levels my voice can reach are deceiving because I am indeed a little girl.

So tell me how it is possible that I find all the men in the world that want to be the little spoon?

What the shit is this? I dated the firefighter and besides the fact that for the longest time he didn't know what "spooning" was, once he learned he was adamant that I should be the one wrapping my arms around him and snuggling his back into my chest.

Oh come on!

I know I am an overbearing loud obnoxious brute woman who will try to kick your ass. But what I really want is someone who knows that its all just a game and to show me how quickly they can make me feel like a tiny little girl again. By roughing me around and proving just how little my punches actually hurt. That's fine.

Or how about pulling me in close and making me feel so small tucked into your big man body. Sheesh. Is that so much to ask?

So this weekend when my guy BFF and I decided to lay next to each other, I pulled his arms around me and the immediate question was "what makes you think you get to be the little spoon?" Uhhhhhhhh (insert shrill shriek here) And as we rolled away from each other to lay on separate sides of the bed, I laughed.

How is it possible that I always find the ones who actually want to be the little spoon? On occasion is fine. I am all about balance. Giving and taking. So I would never dream of always being the little spoon but for pete's sake can we just go by the general rule of:

Big man= Big Spoon
Little woman= little spoon.
I mean for real.

...stay tuned.

Classic GF

2009-07-02T16:05:00.001-04:00

If I had a boyfriend right now I would be creeping him out royally.

Haha that statement just makes me effing laugh. I am such a flipping disaster. I am currently "talking" to a couple of guys. When it rains ir pours. And when I am in a drought holy shit it's like they all get a memo to stay the eff away from me.

The memo may or may not go a little something like this:

Date: From now until the foreseeable future.
Attn: All men over the age of 28 and under the age of 35(okay 40);

It has come to our attention that you may be interested in a particular young lady who is tons of fun.She is short and hates being called "cute". She is also extremely loud.She even laughs loud, it's called a cackle. She also laughs all the time and smiles even more often. She has one volume, she's endearingly named the volume level as "fuckingloudasshit" and no off button. She has a gigantic heart and just wants to love the whole world but for some reason she makes sure that you don't know this right away. She has no problem using the c word (insert apology to her mother!) and she will make sure you know that you are not as awesome as you might think. She probably wants to fight you but be careful she can hold her own. She has no problem being smacked around a bit as long as she gets to hit you too. She claims her four brothers are the reason she is so violent. She also makes sure you know that along with her brothers she has a father that wants to kill pretty much anyone that goes near her. She will readily admit to bringing new guys around her family just to see them get eaten alive. She can clean up well and loves to wear dresses just to see mouths fall on the floor. She can sing and dance but you will probably never see much more than a few dance moves.
The point of this memo is to forewarn you all. Please do not approach this dangerous animal while we are conducting further studies on how to calm her the eff down. Also please do not feed her. She has Celiac disease and the glutenous foods may set her off! We would appreciate it if you would use extreme caution if you are going to disregard this memo and get in contact with the creature.

Thank you for your time. And do not call us if you have bruises whether they be physical or to your ego. We claim no responsibility for lost of stolen items,like your sanity.

Regards,
Management.

And then one daring young (read: old) man tries his hand at handling the shit storm that is dating me, or merely putting up with me for more than one interaction. And once one guy starts this trend it's as if that memo is redacted and they all come running.

So for now I've got a couple of messages from guys I gave my number to and didn't answer when they called.

(I'm an ass, I know, but I NEVER answer the phone if I don't know who it is, can you tell I have bad credit issues hahaha)

The funny part about not having a boyfriend right now is that I am absolutely sure I would be freaking this guy out. My best friend has a newborn baby and I am obsessed with her. I love this child and it is not mine. All I want to do is be near this little baby girl and hold her. I am fairly confident that with boyfriend in tow I would be talking about this baby just enough to freak him out. Now the other bestie and I are a ways away from the thought of having kids right now.

However if I think about my own mother if I was on her path I would be married, with a 2 year old and a newborn as well. Ah!
Of course she was just years away from a divorce as well but that is besides the point. The point is, I want a kid. I mean. I don't want kids.

Okay, clearly I am confused because I know I was born to be a mother. I will be the most fantastic mother on this planet. I want 6-18 kids. Hahah, no for real I want as many as I can afford. And hopefully a husband who can handle that. Haha but it's all the crazy girls who get boyfriends so maybe I will let all these guys who are chasing me right now into my little idiosyncrasies and maybe one of them will fall in love with me.

..stay tuned.

p.s. I apologize for all the haha's in this post but I honestly wrote this while laughing. It is so freaking true it's scary.

Silly Yak

2009-06-30T10:00:00.000-04:00

I'm no fan of WebMD and my brother likes to tell me I am crazy. But I think I'm onto something here!

I have self diagnosed myself with Celiac Disease. So yes, it might be possible that I do not in fact have this ailment and that I am making it all up. But the whole Gluten free diet has been a freaking God send to my stomach and its previous issues. Without getting all sciency and stuff Celiac disease is an intolerance to gluten. It basically produces auto antibodies that destroy parts of my stomach called villi. Once destroyed they can no longer absorb the nutrients that everyone else can. And thus, pain is involved in the process.

I dealt with stomach pain for years and years. I thought I was lactose intolerant, which would be highly unlikely for someone who literally drinks milk every single day since I was born. I freaking love milk. And Cal Ripken is a liar. I'm from Baltimore so he is usually my go to man. Except growing up he was all about those milk ads. So i drank and I drank. I'm flipping 5 feet tall CAL! What the hell. I didn't grow big and strong because of all that lovely Calcium. Jerk. (okay so I've never broken a bone, and genetics might have something to do with my height, so maybe you do have something. Whatever you're still my hero, Billy Ripken!)

Moving on, I have been trying to keep a food diary (not consistently because well, I can't do anything consistently, except be loud of course.) for about 2 years. I never really noticed a trend in what triggered the pain and discomfort after eating. I knew yogurt was one of them, and my BFF explained to me that that was weird. Because people with digestion issues often are helped by the live cultures in yogurt. So I pretty much thought I was crazy at this point. I just knew that I was going to be in pain and sometimes not have any desire to eat another meal for hours upon hours after something set me off.

Very quietly I would deal with the pain, except when someone would listen to my complaints. I mean I am a woman, we will talk if someone will listen. My firefighter ex used to try to help me figure out exactly where the pain was. It was quite nice to actually have someone helping me because I was usually met with, "go to the doctor" "you probably just have gas" "eat more fiber" "welp, maybe your appendiz is going to burst" (That last one was my brother. He loves me.)

So over and over I was told to either shut up, or was given a ridiculous solution. Well I do believe I have mentioned my lack of health insurance in another post. And it is a BIG factor in my life. Especially when you have a mystery illness. But alas, I am still in no place to afford myself the sweet luxury of health insurance.

No matter! I have figured it out. I think Oprah calls these "ah ha! moments". Unfortunately the way that I found out was freaking Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Gross. When she talks I want to punch her. She might have just told me that I am the most beautiful woman in the world and I would still want to punch her in her baby maker.

But anyway, her obnoxious voice got me to stop on a channel where she was hocking her new book. I listened for a bit and it seemed to describe me. I immediately decided to do a gluten free diet for a month or so to gauge amount of pain I was in.
It stopped. All together, no pain. It was tough the first couple of weeks. I still find it difficult to eat out. But honestly within weeks, I felt nothing. And it was amazing.

I had gotten so used to being doubled over in pain after eating that I found myself waiting. Waiting for it to hit me. I still do sometimes. I am only in month 2 of this lifestyle change and it is here to stay. Thank goodness I have a dietRition best friend who can help me figure out meals I can make. I gotta tell you I have never eaten so much meat in my entire life.

I seemed to have traded one obnioxious trait for another. I may now be that annoying girl at the restaurant asking what is "gluten free" and making sure there is "no bun" on my burgers and such. But I will no longer be the girl sitting there complaining after a meal any longer. I wont be all "i wanna go home, my stomach hurts" or "stop talking to me I hate you as well as my stomach!" Not that I've ever said those things. (sorry to the people who got yelled at while I was dealing with pain, I am pretty much only in touch with my more abrazive feelings, not so much the softer ones.)my bad.

But I'm better now!

...stay tuned.

Will YOU give me ten thousand dollars?

2009-06-23T16:07:00.004-04:00

I am so thick headed,but that's another post.(no seriously I'm currently working on how it's possible that I function in life whilst being as stubborn as I am, stay tuned). I am finally sitting down to my computer on what is possibly the nicest day of this summer so far. Not too hot, plenty of sunshine and not a drop of rain forecasted. So I pick THE nicest day to stay inside and babble on to the multitudes (read:negative quantities) of people that have been breahtlessly waiting for a post since May. I have been putting off writing for a couple weeks now. Certainly not due to a lack of goings on to talk about. I started a couple of posts and never finished them...
One was about Rod Piazza and the glorious times where I thought "I'm gonna be a blues singer..you can freaking mumble and jumble words and put a few kick ass notes behind you and people eat that shit up" Rod Piazza wore a suit jacket splattered with gold paint spots. His wife played the piano with her feet and the waitress at Ram's Head Live told my father that they didn't have Guinness but they had another beer like it called "Genius".(Brilliant!) She also said peanut grigio. I love and simultaneously hate people all at the same time!

I had a post about the debauchery that went down in Dewey Beach on Memorial Day weekend. If you've ever heard of Dewey or been lucky enough to have passed through there, then you know. It's no bigger than 13 bars on a single stretch of road will allow. But it's the homiest most comfortable place I have ever been. For 6 years now I have made my way back there to enjoy the splendor (read: half naked surfer boys and a complete disconnect from the rest of the world.) that Dewey provides. For example Suicide Sunday is a time honored tradition at one of the WORLD's greatest bars, The Starboard. Wake up nice and early and get your game face on. Bloody Marys and Mimosas at nine in the afternoon, Eggs Delmarva and a line that boasts "if your not standing in it by 9:15, just go home." So I will spare you the champagne soaked details and get to the moral of this non-post... Ask and you shall recieve. Hostess pages me at 2 hour wait time and says htey're no longer seating. I asked her to reconsider. The owner of the joint gave us a table.
Shots? Done, I didn't pay for any of them.
Pouring a gimundo container of syrup on obnoxious frat boys around us? Yup he seriously let me. Got mad at the aftermath of having WAY more syrup on his face than he had planned. Then later asked me to marry him. (the rule doesn't apply to him, I said no.)
3pm came and the crew was far from coherent...the night ended there. For some, not for me but again the details have been lost in a sea of thoughts consumed by the fact that I will again return this weekend for my best friends little sister(lets call her Henna)'s 21st birthday.

I read the Blogess' post about her aunt dying and though how coincidental that it inspired her to write a post about Mariah Carey and my aunt Christy just passed away 2 weeks ago and I couldn't think of a syllable to write that wouldn't make me curse the heavens for taking such a life force out this world.

I also had a post about, oh shit. I already forgot that one too. Well let me tell you what finally got me to sit down and write after all these weeks.

A loan. A boring stinking banks are failing someone give me a car loan.
So my question is... if they say no. Will YOU give me around 10 grand? Or how about a car in working order? Oh come on. I'm cute.

Right?

...stay tuned

Tweet this...

2009-05-18T00:35:00.005-04:00

I've got a few posts in the works. I currently updated one because you know you are on your way when you piss some people off on a somewhat anonymous blog like this little one here. Ha.

For now I am semi-obsessed with space walks. Like legit space walks. The more people that check this shit out the better.
My best friends parents work for NASA I have been exposed to it for nearly 10 years of my life and I still don't get it all but right now Mike Massimino and company are in space and they are tweeting.

No lie.

Twitter is literally global. It's awesome and pretty scary at the same time.
Oh and also I ate astronaut food when my best friend brought it home from her internship in Texas this week. The neopolitan ice cream?... pretty...pretttty, good.

Anywho. Follow this guy on twitter. @astro_mike.
And learn yourself some space stuff.
Pass it on.

oh and
...stay tuned.

Do Not Disturb... I'm sunbathing on a boat.

2009-05-08T13:18:00.004-04:00

I'm on a boat. Seriously I just took a break from the nicest day that most of the east coast has seen in weeks to show you this video.
Okay I lied. I was thirsty and hungry and graham crackers weren't cutting it. I am currently sunbathing on my dad's boat all day but I popped inside to read something funny... or feed my face. Either one.

Instead of reading anyone else's well thought out Friday blogs I chose to ignore everyone and look for good shit for my own damn blog. I stumbled across this gem upon my brother's insistence that I check out "tow in body boarding".

I was on facebook and across the room he yells "tow in body boarding!" I replied "uhh what?"
"youtube it" he says and I told him "no".

I got on twitter and he says "ahhh i told you isn't it awesome?"
"I'm not looking at it I'm tweeting"
"No one wants to read what you have to write, go look at tow in body boarding"
"I don't have time for that crap!" I hissed back.

So I then went to check it out. He yells something like "yeah, it's tight, I know, I'm cool."
and I told him I didn't listen to anything he ever told me and was not in fact on youtube, I was checking my gmail.
He heard the terrible song in the background and has now patted himself on the back because he knows that after I tweeted the link I was gonna put it up on my blog too. Dangsies.My brother is cooler than I am.

Like I said the song is freaking terrible but the video is genius. This I can promise you is how my brothers and I will spend the summer. The first half trying to figure out who can drive the jet ski masterfully enough to do this at the beach and the second part making sure we can survive the first few attempts.

Happy Friday. (be glad I said it now and not 3 days later, on Monday!)

Happy Friday. (be glad I said it now and not 3 days later, on Monday!)

...stay tuned.

Spoiler Alert:: The Dog Dies.

2009-05-06T23:59:00.003-04:00

It has seriously been raining for at least a week straight,maybe two. At least here in Virginia. I stopped watching the weather after day 4 of the rain so I don't know if other parts of the country are drowning like I am. I can't keep track anymore. All I know is that my days off keep getting screwed cuz I just can't motivate myself to do anything when its raining. I can't run outside and I certainly cannot motivate myself to go to the gym instead. (the gym membership I am paying for while trying to rub together two pennies to purchase a new car since mine is laughing in my face with its new starter and 8000 other broken parts)

So here it is day 2409325 of the flood and I have two whole freaking days off and I don't see the clouds a clearing any time soon.
How the hell am I supposed to go shopping for a new car? (Oh I almost forgot about ebay and plenty of other online shopping experiences. Why DO i leave my house ever?)

How the hell am I supposed to party it up for Memorial Day weekend at the beach? It's a tradition and I will not have this massive amount of precipitation bring those plans crashing down. (And yes I will consider it doomsday if it rains just a drop on my beach trip that is still over two weeks away. I'm not a drama queen, just a beach bum.)

How the hell am I supposed to be all baby planning for my BFF who is in preterm labor and gonna pop out this kid any day now? I feel like I am the husband who has to do all this planning but I am a best friend so I do have some representing to do. Especially since the main BFF is in Tey hass (texas duh.) and I have to represent us both. Unless the kid holds on for another week or so when all three of us will be reunited. I'm gonna bring her lunch tomorrow and talk to her belly and tell the little bugger that I am stressing out and I would really like it if she played by the rules and came out on her due date. But I don't really know how that works.

On a random side note: I watched Marley and Me. Yes I am aware I am 68 years late and I just want to tell anyone who is possibly slower than myself. It sucks. The dog dies but thats the most riveting part of the story. Lame.

Up next: Slumdog Millionaire. I'm hoping there is bollywood type dancing, if not, I'm going to be pissssed.

...stay tuned.

Half-Gay Updated

2009-05-05T10:36:00.006-04:00

***Updated***
Apparently I've pissed a lot of people off in this post. I apologize.Which is hysterical because no one fucking reads this thing.

My life can be funny it can be entertaining but when it isn't I make sure it sounds that way in my blog. Things may be a bit exaggerated in here.(GASP!, A hyperbole?! Not in a writer's life!?@!) I am not in fact calling anyone gay. And if I was, who cares cuz gay people rule. But I'm not. So relax fancy pants and everyone who has to do with this post. My life is blog fodder. I call 'em like I see 'em. Get over it. I have apologized for feelings hurt. I never have and never will intend to hurt anyone, in this blog or in my daily life. It's not who I am. I am in no way a malicious person and my words are all I have. I like to craft a story and this here... is a story.

And because I have previously said I am not a self loathing blogger who deems her shit worthless and still looks for a hand. AND Regardless of the pure fact that I have only a few readers from time to time , I will indeed keep this post up because I'm pretty sure the people I pissed off want nothing to do with me at this point and have no interest in a little blog like this...So here goes.

I recently bought some sexy purple pumps.They were calling my name, gorgeous and shiny, mind you I am in dire need of a new car. Not new new just new like, it runs. But these shoes could not be ignored.

Now before you start hurling stones at me and preaching about saving or spending wisely,I want to tell you that they only cost 7 dollars. And if you've met a woman who can pass up a good pair of heels and a good deal, well then you will have met a man. No such woman exists.

Problem is, the last man I was trying to date, kind of had that same flare for shoes that I have. (I should have freaking known)

Now I got me a collection of high heels, no Jimmy Choos, no LaBoutins either. But sister can add some flavor to her outfits when need be.

So every time we would go out, I'd arrive all gussied up (Timeout: How can I NOT have a boyfriend yet? All I want to do is get dressed up when we go out, watch sports when we don't and make people laugh in between? This world is just cruel.)

Anyway, upon arrival the first thing he would do is look at my heels and make a comment. Sometimes he'd even lift my pant leg to get a better look. Now I thought "oh cool he appreciates how I get all fancy for him" A guy that takes me out, calls me back AND appreciates my uncomfortable but oh so sexy footwear?! Besides the ex-wife and kid he's perfect!

Hmmm, wait isn't he wearing some expensive boots or crocodile shoes himself? Damnit. Gay. My flipping Gaydar failed me. I managed to go on multiple dates (with plenty of perfect cleavage gone to waste) with this guy and not notice this? Maybe I could just chalk it up to his Fancy Pants having some knowledge about fashion. He does wear Versace eye glasses. I just can't bring myself to accept this fact.

Unnntil, one night.

Unfortunately it all came to a screeching halt when I rushed to see him one night when I was in a grumpy ass mood and I realized he wanted a geisha. Not a girlfriend. He wanted some PYT to entertain him. He wanted a porcelain doll that was funny and could dance with him. (Oh crap, he liked to dance too. How could I have NOT known?!?) He wasn't the least bit attracted to me. Now his friend Gigantor next to him. The Dude?! Yeah he would dance with him. And rather closely I might add.

So that night,out of his mouth come the words "half gay" and I swooped my head around and said "um? why the hell am I here then?"

I then began to ponder a few things, mostly the difference between half gay and bisexual.

In my head there is a difference...bisexual is a clear desire to be with both genders. Half gay is more along the lines of a confused person. One who may come off "metro" at first. One who cares about shoes on girls but has a guy in tow everywhere he goes. One who claims that only reason he can't be gay is that he has reproduced. Once.

and we haven't gone out again since then.Shocker.

...stay tuned.

UpdatedSomebody get the manager please...

2009-04-10T16:43:00.003-04:00

Who the hell invented the internet? And why the hell are they punishing me?

I recently moved. I think I spoke of this lovely venture that I tend to do every 10-12 months... yeah. About that.

Oops we forgot to think ahead and plan for cable and internet to be set up within the first week of moving in.

I'm dying.

I have NO cable. Meaning the two new episodes of The Office last night? Yeah this girl didn't get to see them. I'm seriously dying people.

I have no internet. So I am at the library right now. Did you just read that?

The
FREAKING
Library. (or Lybarry if you are cool)

When is the last time you were in a library?

So this is just to tell you that there is much more to be said in the TRI-UMPH bloggy blog but FIOS has decided that reading books and being productive for 3 plus weeks is actually fun.
(they're wrong by the way. Dead wrong)

...stay tuned.

UPDATE***
Only two more days until the Fios people come and send my roommate and I back into the 21st century. Then I will be able to get back to some semblance of my normal routine. I know there are people waiting with baited breath. Thanks for waiting. I swear it will be worth it. I've had quite an adventurous two weeks since the cable and internet guys crushed my dreams and told me I have to.. GASP.. wait for something...dangsies.
Come to think of it they even have rooms dedicated to waiting. I would have NEVER survived in any other generation than the one I'm living in currently.And even now thigns just aren't fast enough for me. Awesome, I just came to the realization that I'm a spoiled effing brat. Eh well.

I hope you guys are coming to as many life altering conclusions while I make you wait.

...stay tuned!

Cops go hardcore at the end of the month, Me, I tend to ease up a bit.

2009-04-01T00:50:00.007-04:00

I don't know if this counts as a real post. I am just consumed by random effing thoughts right now that I must share them. I apologize in advance. Especially because I am not one of those self loathing bloggers who apologizes for shit they write and then looks for pity.

Wait Stop Don't.You are actually gonna love this.
So let me try that again.

I'm full of freaking genius today and I cannot contain it in one thought process. So here I will give you all of them. Some people call that babbling, but as the joke goes...(my name is brooke. think about it.)

Musings of a Twenty Something:

**18 year old boys smell freaking delicious.

Well I don't really think eating the smell of Abercrombie is what I want. I want tons of half naked Abercrombie models running around, but I digress.
One young man got up from a table tonight right as I was walking by and I got a whiff. Mmmmm. Guys my age and older don't wear that crap anymore.The last time I probably smelled it was the last time I dated an 18 year old. Sooo like, in highschool. It does smell good...but it is laced with the smell of youth as well.
(and we all know how much I love younger guys. not.)

When the hell did I become the 24 year old who kind of feels dirty for thinking this way anyway?Dangsies!

** Tonight I rested my boobs on the bar, on command.

I am getting promoted.(those two statements don't seem to go together, but they do I promise.) Again. (within 7 months of working there, soon I will pretty much take over the world, yeah I'm effing that awesome)

Anyhowzer, They want me (or my C cups rather) to bartend!
Had I been asked 6 months ago, I would have refused. I am not cut out to be the schmoozy floozy. Which is pretty much necessary to be a bartender.
I think I can manage to avoid being sleazy behind the bar at JobOne (formerly JobTwo)

Plus it only opens up a world of opportunity, financially it is so much smarter to be a bartender. The tips far outweigh that of a server. So my grand plan is to train for the next few weeks. Revamp my server schedule to beef up the Captain shifts and then get a few bar shifts and the rest of the time start working at the new JobTwo.
(more on that later)

**I can tie a knot in a cherry stem. (and I'm not just trying to be like the Flobots)

People think it is impossible. I was one of those people until tonight. I was especially determined tonight. My younger sister has always been able to do it.
And now I can add that on my list of qualities that mean absolutely nothing about me but am sure to tell someone within five minutes of sitting at a bar next to them.

**I thought I was an animal lover until I met my new roommate.

She has.. drum roll please...

2 cats.(Gross, they better not pee anywhere "in or around the coat area")

1 rabbit.. that's fine. I think.(My one rabbit that I owned was actually a bunny, the difference is their size. Mine dies of the sniffles. An actual ailment known to cause death in bunnies. Look it up.)

1 Snake. Gasp! I actually like snakes but most people freak out about that one.

and 3 (count them, three) Sugar Gliders.
WTF is a sugar glider? The closest comparison I can offer you is a flying squirrel. Which is completely inaccurate. However it's a good visual to have. Though squirrels are not nocturnal and sugar gliders are. (making them all the more weird as a pet because she keeps them in her closet.)

Yeah, I am moving in with Ace freaking Ventura.

...stay tuned.

Oops I Did It Again.

2009-03-29T22:57:00.003-04:00

It's moving dayyyyyyy.

Yup, my life is the ever shifting thought process.It never has time to be more than that. It's like I have severe ADD or something, because for the last 7 years I have moved at least once a year. ( wait for that to settle in, seven effing moves at the very least)

Imagine, taking all of your shit. Putting it in boxes, trash bags and even random suitcases and then un loading it. And now do that over and over again.

Oh and all over again.

That's what it is like to be me. Fuck. I haven't even been anywhere really cool.
I lived in L.A. but that is where the moving once a year started. And I have ended up in VA. Again. And again. This is a new low. The last three moves have been within 10 miles of each other. (Holy shit I am never getting out of this place.)

Talks of San Diego still linger. But honestly I am scared to do the whole West Coast on a whim move again. I'd rather go to Costa Rica for a few months. It is seemingly just a place for me to rest my head. I've not cultivated anything more from each place I live. (except an emptier wallet and some good my roommates suck stories.)

If I am just staying at one place to get to another you think I would come up with some cooler ideas than effing Northern Virginia. I grew up here for shit's sake.

So this week brings me to probably the least raucus of moves. The least jolting. But the most irritating.
I've spoken of my basement dwelling. And my lucky ass living with a kick ass family for free.

So why the hell am I moving into a tiny ass townhouse where I feel like nothing will be mine? I guess turning 24 means you have to grow up or something. Not live in other peoples basements. Even if it is for free.

Which is the stupidest way of growing up I can think of. Because the more I grow up the more money I need and.. uhh.. hello.. free means I keep the money I would be giving to some landlord. Duh.

Oh and from what I hear. Growing up ain't all it's cracked up to be. Fancy pants is trying to find a way to successfully regress from 33 backwards. (I told him he is not allowed to go younger than 29 though. I will be 28 by the time he Bejamin Buttons it all the way back to 29. And lord knows I can't date younger guys! Ha!)

Oh the mere thought of packing my clothes alone has me on the verge of tears.
(I do own way too many clothes and local charities reap the benefits of my less than yearly moves)

Oh and to top it off my brother so sweetly loaded some of his own shit into my storage unit and just like any good big brother, ran off with my key to the unit. Took my dyson vacuum and put his heavy ass stuff right in the way of all my stuff.
(FML.)

Oh no worries, I'm sure I can pull it off...little miss social butterfly who has so many friends can never count on anyone else to help her with this kinda stuff.
(
To be fair, once a year is less a favor and more of a type of employment. That I do not pay them for.)

The one upside... and it's crazy that this is so exciting to me but I get to put my Kitchen Aid mixer on the counter and freaking bake the hell out of anything I can throw into that sucker. I am more excited for that then not being kicked off the couch by 13 year old boys when I am watching the NCAA tournament to find out the final match up of the Final Four. I am a little excited to feel a space that is my own.

Although I am also pretty excited to know that I can invite someone back to my place now. (Mom, I meant friends! Only friends.)

Oh sweet baby jesus. Tiny 6 month old jesus.
Someone come find me under my laundry pile and help me move!

...stay tuned.

Call Dr. Drew

2009-03-25T13:31:00.004-04:00

I'm addicted.
Seriously, it's bad.

I wake up, wanting this drug. If I don't get some during the day, it's going to be a rough night. I am shaken from my sleep with extremely vivid dreams about my addiction. My personality is that of a constant user who knows how to get what she wants.

The highs are quick and fleeting. The lows can last for days.
I don't really drink.
I've never smoked anything in my life.

But when it comes to this, I am a freaking junkie.

I am addicted to... MEN.

It's the worst addiction out there. I ride the highs and lows of dating slash flirting each and every day.
I know I am a flirt. (I have known this for a very long time.)
I know I am a tease. (I mus've been born without a slutty bone in my body. Dangsies.)

So here I am, cooped up inside my own little world of addiction.
Round and round I go. Does he like me? Will he call? What does that mean? SHould I ask him out or wait for him to ask me out? Why hasn't he complimented anything about me except my boobs? Why won't he kiss me? blah blah blah....

Guys. You may not be able to relate to this. Or understand it at all. I don't expect you to. You are simple. And I have been told that I over think things.

Well, girls, you understand this right? How can I not constantly think about men? We all do. It's fun, most of the time. But sometimes...
Wait?! Was that a text message?God I hope it's from a boy. Oh but which one?

Doesn't really matter. I mean. I would like to get messages and calls from certain men in my life more than others. But when I going through withdrawal anything will do.

I recently joked with a girlfriend that I realized that men were my drug. I am not out whore-ing it up so I don't really think I need Dr. Drew. But when you walk into work one day, down and out and the only thing you can attribute to your grumpiness is the lack of men "oohing" and "aaahing" over you. Well then you know you've got a problem.
Or I have a problem I should say.

Or how about days when I bounce around and tell every other woman in my life about the current guy. Rarely oh so rarely a boyfriend. Truthfully most of them last just mere moments in my revolving door of men in my life.

It's sad when said women in my life recount a specific man and I cannot recall whom they are talking about.

I usually describe them in detail so they have only attributes to try and jog my memory. Sadly they don't have names.
The firefighter or
the geek soccer player or
the guy from Tech or
the 64 year old (which isn't actually an age of a person I've dated but my brothers have decided all the older guys I date(no older than 35 mind you) are no longer allowed a reasonable number for their ages, so it ranges from late 50's to early 80's.. it's awesome when they yell "wait you mean you're 75 year old?" , "Why yes brother, my 92 year old boyfriend and I are very happy together, thank you!"} (My family loves me)

So when I didn't get (and still haven't gotten)what I really wanted from the current guy, sure enough I turned around and there was a ripe 21 year old. He thinks we are gonna go out sometime. And I think he is just pretty to look at and I know he just wants to see me naked so I won't be pursuing anything with him. What I will do is use the attention I get from him to suffice while FP throws me for some more loops. Yeah I'm using one drug to hold me over until I get what I really want.

I've been called fun, and entertaining and the life of the party. But little does everyone know that my actions are equivalent to the itchy arms of a heroine user or the pacing back and forth outside of a dealers house.

So here I am, currently in a state of naught. Neither high nor low. I am trying to control the urges. I'm just gonna go to the gym. And make sure I wear a super tight super cute outfit so I get a glance or two. That should get me high enough today.

I'm a complete sociopath. Awesome.

...stay tuned.

A Boy Made Me Do It

2009-03-18T10:14:00.007-04:00

I woke up from a coma today.
Yeah, another life coma. Believe it.

Man I seriously need health insurance. Gotta get those things checked out.

I'm pretty sure it's like one life coma per year is healthy. I mean NOT healthy, but do able. (And no, that's not what she said, Will!! Jeez. She isn't nearly as slutty as people make her out to be. And she is pretty tired of being referenced all the time.Okay? So just drop it)

But honestly, I am 24 years old now. I swear it was yesterday that I was having the shittiest twenty first birthday ever.
And just a few weeks ago I was angst ridden and West Coast bound...

I never really listened to old people when they have told me about how fast life goes and you don't realize it, so enjoy it blah blah blah.

All I can think about with old people is how in nursing school I was told we weren't allowed to call them cute.....Under any circumstance!

Yet, still no memo on calling the short 24 year old cute. I still have to endure this shit. Just cuz I'm fun sized doesn't mean I...Holy crap I'm gonna be old one day! I just fucking figured that out! ( and I will be freaking cute then too, I'm sure of it.)
So maybe as long as I keep surrounding myself with older men. (NOT a problem for this girl) then I will never feel quite as old as them! Yay. Genius plan.

Back to birthdays. This year. Thank God for Florida. I mean we don't have to get all biblical here because it is just Florida I'm talking about. But someone may have been missing a toe or twelve if I didn't go to Cocoa Beach for 5 days before my birthday. (Thank you best friend.)

Quickly I will explain. (quickly, only because I am convinced anyone who is reading this has better things to do and is always waiting for me to get to the point. Where you can then exclaim immediate judgment upon me... "Hysterical!" or "Genius!" or "You're hot I want to date you!"... wait you couldn't possibly get all that from a blog post... unless. No never mind.)

I like birthdays. You wouldn't know about my annual birthday countdown because I have been effing lazy this year and felt no need to make you endure the 3 months of counting down until I was twenty..whatever the hell age I am.

But in my head and to the people around me, my birthday is the shit. This is when I go crazy. I make big plans and I intend to live on a grand scale for just a day. (I'm lying to you, I get a birthday week, or two. The one leading up to and the one following. Deal with it.) I invite anyone to come join in the festivities and this year.

My awesome idea was...

Atlantic City.

Seriously, I was excited. Many people tried to talk me out of my excitement. They would say.."it'll underwhelm you" "do you guys ALL really want to gamble?" "the strip club on 12th is the place you should..." Well whatever they said. There was many a person who apparently have clairvoyant abilities and tried to tell me.

I ignored them all. I had 7 other people drive up and stay in a horrendous pube filled hotel. (according to Sonny, they're nutritional, but don't take his word for it.Stay away kids)

7 of us have NEVER been there before. The one who has, was days away from getting married. So what he remembers is pretty much not valid. (Except that strip club he was telling us about.)

Let me fast forward and tell you how the night ended and my actual birth day began.
With me slamming the hotel door yelling " GO F*!% YOURSELF" and then I went back into my room and my best friend sang happy birthday and gave me my annual lemon cake.

The in between was all whining and complaining about losing 20 dollars in one WHOLE hour. And lots of drunken antics, and no real big winners to speak of...

So yeah icksnay on the ewNay erseyJay Forever. I never want to visit that state again.

Happppy Birthday to me.

So it's understandable that an impromptu trip to Florida for five days sitting with my best friend wooing multiple crowds of men by the beach was much more pleasant than a night in a dirty hotel where I tried to play matchmaker with my weekend plans and everyone else who came along.

The good thing about birthdays. They keep on comin'.

p.s. thanks Stephen for reminding me why I like to write, and why I should get back to posting regularly on here.
I have to share with you his texts this morning, that lead to the title of this post.
My thoughts in parentheses

"So I just read a few posts on your blog.

(I love this because now I know he stalks me, cuz I never mentioned my blog to him!
HA!)

You are a f-ing hysterical writer. I was seriously laughing.

(I have NO clue which posts he read, sorry I can't vouch for the whole me being funny)

Who knew you could write?

( Um? I did. Thanks.)

I mean you sure as hell can't drive a kart."

(He took me go karting on Sunday. I wish I could say he was lying. But I sucked ass.)

To which I responded
"You just made my freaking day. I haven't been able to write since I share my computer is in storage right now.
(and i live in the stone age and don't have a laptop.)
AND I wasn't exactly sure anyone actually liked my blog. Writing is how I want to make my fortune in life, I'm currently working on a series of children's books."

And then this little gem...

"I'm impressed. And frightened at the same time... re: the kids books. Kinda like when I discovered George Carlin narrated Thomas the Tank Engine Shows...as my son watches."

Did anyone just read that?! I like that comparison. Even if it is meant not in the way that I am like George Carlin in any way shape or form. Because I obviously know that. Much less my level of comedy being anywhere near able to reach that of the late great Mr. Carlin's. But to compare the shock and horror a hot Dad feels when realizing my mouth of a sailor is trying to write a series of successful children's books, well it's a great day.

...stay tuned.

Thank You Sir, May I Have Another?

2009-01-20T21:47:00.004-05:00

I'm pretty sure everyone has some crazy cockamamie conspiracy theory that they have come up with and truly believe.
Right?
Like the government is listening to our cell phone conversations.
(whaaaaaaat!? !That's for real, like for real for real!!?)

okay how about...

GPS systems can be hacked into and people can stalk you everywhere you go
(that's legit too? Shiittttt!)

or
the leprechauns at the end of rainbows aren't handing out gold coins from their pots, instead they're armed with pistols and glocks.
(hello It's a freaking recession!!) (What? Just me?)

But for real. I have this twinge every time I fill up my car with gasoline. This slight hesitation. I believe I am being taken for a ride. (Pun intended) Bear with me here while I explain..

Let me start by saying my car is well, jinxed, to say the least. So as a fun joke (my car is freaking HIL-arious by the way) the regulator or valve or flux capacitor or some other car sounding word thing inside the gas tank doesn't work.

I cannot fill up my gas tank like everyone else.

I have to stand and hold the nozzle at a very specific angle with the exact amount of pressure on the handle for my tank to allow gas to flow into it. If I don't do exactly as my tank demands it immediately ceases all flow and allows me to adjust and try again.And again and again. Sometimes just pennies worth of gasoline get in, sometimes dollars but if I move the slightest bit from that point that was working. BAM! Off goes the pump and all the people at surrounding pumps either think I'm dense as shit and keep trying to top off my tank or that I'm dense as shit and don't realize there is a little lever underneath that will allow you to lock the nozzle in as is and walk away as it still pumps.

So I may be paying a bit more attention to detail than others. You lucky bastards that get to stick it in and walk away. (that's what she said!Wait!What? Dangsies I don't even like that's what she said jokes!)

Anyway, It is a pain in the freaking ass. And have you seen the weather channel lately?!?Holy frigid nipples Batman! It's colder than Arnold Schwarzeneggar's hands after a long ride home from a masterful evening of evil. My little ass has to stand outside for every glorious moment of gasoline to drip into my tank.

So there I am. Holding the pump a lot closer than I care for. Sometimes with two hands. (Yes I recognize the visual you all just got.)
I am FULLY convinced that when you pre pay. Which I never used to do. Not because of this suspicion but because I never had cash money. Now that I am a waitress, it's all I have and I feel like a drug dealer at times.
(It's the presence of 1's that separate the drug dealers from the strippers by the way.)

My only option nowadays it to make it rain on the cashier and give him that Andrew Jackson that it takes to flll my take. And as I am sure you all well know, when you pre pay, they slow down the flow of liquid as it nears the total amount.

Some places are different than others. Some start slowing down at 50 cents to go others anywhere up to 10 cents to go.
Locally its about 30 cents to go.

Here's my contention. I believe there is NO MORE GAS FLOWING into my car as soon as that pressure drops and the numbers slowly climb to the total. I honestly believe that I am no longer getting any more gas at this point. I can't be. Especially in this weather. Does gas freeze? Cuz it would totally do that in the tube if it was going as slow as it does with the little amount that is supposedly coming out.

So that's my conspiracy theory. And I don't think I can do anything about it. That's whats most upsetting. Taking on the Oil Companies. What am I ? Erin Brocovich?

I'm not. I will tell you that. And I am no Julia Roberts playing Erin Brocovich either. Dangsies!

I guess I could stop this nonsense and always pay with my card. But then I would have to be responsible and go to the bank and deposit shit and check my balance and stuff.

Is probably rather bitch about losing 30 cents worth of gasoline every time.

Anyway I'm totally buying a hybrid suckers! That'll teach 'em.

...stay tuned.

That little extra tip.

2009-01-19T16:13:00.004-05:00

A little piece of me died last night.

The piece that is a die hard Baltimore Ravens fan. That is actually a huuuuugee part of a little girl.

Luckily there is enough left of me to go on... that is until I showed up at work and had to come to terms with two bets I made. With Steelers fans. Ew.

I also have tons of Steelers fans that are my friends. (I continually ask myself why that is, but I just cant seem to get rid of them.) So of course my Facebook wall is lit up with people in hysterics about their team sweeping my team this season.
A fact that I was not willing to admit. The second regular season game was won by a bullshit touchdown.
I don't blame much on the refs but I just don't agree with that call. You can review it all you want ESPN and draw a little line to show me just how the ball crossed the plane but I refuse to believe it. The refs took just a little bit of time to TURN OVER the ruling on the field. Which was no touchdown. (ahembullshitcoughcough)

Last night however was indeed a fair fight. We lost fair andsquare. We did not have enough steam to take us to their goal line one more time. Not that that alone would have done it. But we were a team that has played 17 weeks in a row. And a team whose starting line up reflected the lack of time off.
But the injured wanted to play last night. Willis, Ray Rice, and T Sizzle, who barely moved his right shoulder unless he was sacking Baby Ben. (Which was freaking GLORIOUS)

And many more were banged up before during and after this game. Willis McGahee being the most concerning of all. a hit the likes of which I have never seen. Both players were shaken up but I thought he was paralyzed.My heart sank and that is when I threw in the towel. The terrible towel that is.

I dreaded going to work today, but found a way to get through it.

You know, you can completely deflate a persons arrogance and gloating if you just happily smile and go with the flow. So yes, I will be donning a Steelers jersey during the Superbowl. I will not bitch about it.

In fact, my secret plan is to use it to my advantage. A poor little girl has to work in a gross yucky Steelers jersey and serve you food and work for tips. Wouldn't you want to give her a little extra tip to help her through?
That's the angle I am working. I'll let you know how it pans out when that fateful day is upon us.

So through the smile, my heart is broken. I was Wacco for Flacco hon.
But then again a rookie QB and Head Coach going to the AFC championship aint half bad by me.

(..GO CARDS!)

...stay tuned.

I'm kind of a big deal.

2009-01-14T00:02:00.004-05:00

That's me in the middle.
I recently went to LA and met up with Heidi and Giselle and Tyra and those girls. It was cool, I got to wear a shirt like theirs.
Anyway, I am completely full of shit. But I had fun making this little picture. A slight exaggeration of a dream that I kind of have. I have always said that given another foot in heighth and I would totally be a model. Probably not true, but easy to cite my lack of tallness as the reason why I am not there with those women in reality.

Create your own FACEinHOLE

I created another one for my brother. Hysterical because I'm pretty sure he doesn't like Beckham and would rather meet Wayne Rooney.

Create your own FACEinHOLE

Whose face is replaced by his. Anywho, I think I could do this all day. If I didn't have a job.

Oh,I dont have to be at work until 6pm tomorrow? Sweet. Be expecting more of these! I'm gonna create a whole web of lies and start printing them out and framing them. I'll be a fake celebrity stalker monger whore thing. Kind of like Perez Hilton.

Nice to be back by the way.

...stay tuned.

"Please sit on my face"

2008-12-22T23:01:00.005-05:00

I've been on a Grandma's Boy kick lately. I've seen it like 12 times but I love it and I go to sleep to it every night now.(where the title comes from, I'm not a perv)

So I'm not usually one to follow the crowd, but I will on this one.

Tis the season for blog hiatus'. And I will be taking a (super lame) spot on that bandwagon.

I am still working two jobs, reconnecting with the ex, simultaneously trying to date about 3 other men, shopping for the 24 people on my Christmas list, living in a basement..etc.

(BTW I'm planning on feuding with some family members and or ditching some friends by this time next year so I don't go as broke shopping for these bitches.)

And well, I'm busy. And I think I need a fresh perspective. I'm getting stale ( not me as a person, but my bloginess). And the writing isn't coming as easily. Plus BWP is doing it, and if all the cool kids are doing it. Then I am too!

So there...

...stay tuned.

(It won't be that long I promise all 2 of you!)

Sleep is King....

2008-12-18T21:03:00.003-05:00

The perils of working two jobs :

my feet hurt, all the damn time. (that may or may not have to do with the fact that I wear gorgeous heels as often as possible)

I am tired, all the time.

I have no life. (thank you to everyone who is able to consider my brief appearances an addition to their night.)

I never eat. (this is a lie. I eat a lot. Just crappy food on the run, so it feels like I never eat)

I never get to the gym.

I am getting fatter by the day. Double Dangsies.(or maybe not cuz everything still fits but I have lost ALL muscle and replaced it with jiggly stuff instead. Ew)

I miss the people in my life. ( One of my best friends is preggo and I have yet to see that damn bump! ) ( I found out it's a girl today so I'm super excited!)

I have yet to finish my series of children's books. ( which is kind of my bail out from this shiteous economy, so I kinda need to get on that!)

I have yet to put away ONE pile of folded clean clothes (I don't even get points for the folded ones because Roommate made her kids fold them for me while I was at work :) )

I don't have ANY idea what day it is.

Christmas shopping? What? We've already had thanksgiving?

My contacts do not last as long as they should because I sleep in them too often.

My car looks like a bomb went off (another lie, it always looks like that but MORE so when there is a chill in the air because there is NO WAY my ass is getting all that crap out of the car when its cold out. Two trips. Nope I will just start a recycling center in my backseat... YOU'RE WELCOME EARTH!)

I don't feel like I actually make money.( could be my own fault. I have lots of cute new jewelry and clothes and shoes to explain this one)

I don't get to bitch at the ex-boy/current boy for never being available.(He always has and still does work two jobs as well.. always a good match. Two people who are completely unavailable.)

..so today I left one of my jobs. Sadly.
In January I will know what it is like to live like a human and be able to get up in the morning and have some sort of clue as to what day it is. And not in terms of where I am supposed to be.

I will be able to get back to TRI training.
I will be able to breathe.
I will be able to out away my clean clothes ( okay that's pushing it)
I will know what its like to have an ENTIRE day off.
I will be able to make plans for said day off.
I will finish my children's books.
I will write the next great american novel.
I will bake more. (Just ask my coworkers at JobTwo, they got to experience my cookies at the Company Christmas Party last night!)
I won't always be tired.
I will help the kiddies with their home work.
I will be able to see the boy more.

I will be able to ... breathe.
Seriously I've not felt myself take a breath since August.
Can a person go that long without?

I will check the record books and get back to you on that one.

For now. Sleep is king.

Because two weeks notice does not mean I have a day off just yet!

Consider me Miles Davis...

2008-12-12T19:10:00.003-05:00

I woke up three times today.

Once this morning around 730 a.m.
Tried to grab my dignity (but it appears to have been lost) my shoes and left my friends apartment. I started my car and drove home. It was only then did I realize that I was in fact, still intoxicated.

And driving a motor vehicle while being in such a state is not a good idea. Luckily the beltway was nice to me and not that many people were still on the road. So I was less likely to kill someone. (Hey, it makes me feel better)

I then went back to sleep hoping I wouldn't wake up in the same state mentally. Well actually I was praying that I was no longer in Maryland either. Cuz that's where I got my ass handed to me. Via a bar.

The night started off with good intentions.
Great if you will.
I had driven in the nasty yucky rain to support two charities. Not one but TWO bitches. I was so going to heaven at this point in the night.

Anywho. The charitable event was a wine tasting.

(Keyword is tasting)

I tasted that Sauvignon Blanc over and over again.

It never did quite taste the same. Which is why I went back. Or at least I tried to justify my repeated visits to the bartender. She was not buying it and just kept giving me less and less in my glass.

I was slowly being cut off at a charity event?!?

Should have taken that as a sign right there.

So it was a meeting of former roommates at this event. We decided to go out for a drink after wards. I thought the whole point was to catch up. They thought the point was to get all wastey face.

They were totally right.

We hopped around Bethesdy and got soaking wet and danced the night away. I let some guy think that if he bought me enough shots he had a shot.

He didn't. And I am a typical girl at a bar. So shoot me.

My ass hit the dance floor and showed some Germans how we Americans do it. I shook my hair all in my face and shook my ass even more. That's how we Americans do it right?

Well they fancied me a bit. I kept getting trying to get them to do the "rock on" hand gesture but they kept telling me that it meant evil or the devil in other parts of the world.

Stupid Germans.

And while I'm talking about stupid people let me throw myself under the bus.

What is it with people that when someone buys a round of shots and puts one in front of you and you know you probably shouldn't do a shot of GM (insert your own poison here) but you feel bad and think "but I have to". No drunk ass (and I'm talking to myself here) You don't have to do it. You can politely refuse.

You can't? OH yeah. You right. Cuz if you do people like me will parade around calling you a "giant pussy". Man I am obnoxious. But I made 4 peoples night that night. And here's how:

Big Black Man who refused to do a shot with us. Deep down he enjoyed the curse laden rant that I went on telling him to get his ass on the dance floor or shut up. I swear he loved it. Or maybe his best buddy next to him loved it more. Either way they thought I was cool.

German guys. I already told you why they think I'm "fucking fantastic" Yeah I told them that was the cool thing to say. In a German accent it sounds quite comical might I add.

My girls. I introduced myself for the second time this week as Jessica. My name isn't Jessica. She is my alter ego. When I don't want to tell some *Rando my name, that is what I say. So Sharon and Veronica I salute you both for following my lead. And they loved me for my curse laden rant (stop me if you've heard this before) that I gave any douche who dared come up to us. (And I wonder why I don't have a boyfriend)

And cute boy who worked at the bar. He loved me because I was flirting with him all night and as we left the bar something came over me (the shot of GM, the Grape Bomb, the Kamikaze and or maybe the shot of Patron) and I grabbed his face and started kissing him. Yup.

I had to be reminded of this this morning. And all I can think of is what a story that will be for him to tell. (If nothing else, I'm at least entertaining!)

I then proceeded text the crap out of my ex. And call him "baby" like 100 times. But that's another story. And it may be why he isn't answering my calls today. Woops.

So all of that was crammed into a couple hours last night. I woke up, drove home and tried to sleep it off. Rolled into work looking like a Mack Truck hit me. I had a big grin on my face and realized I was still drunk. Thank God it was a slow day for lunchers at JobTwo because I took my ass home and went to sleep. Again.

And I woke up for the third time today at 7 pm.
Now where is that pesky ex boyfriend of mine? We are supposed to get together tonight. As for the dignity I am praying it finds its way back into my life.

...stay tuned.

Steady Chasin that Paper...

2008-12-06T08:00:00.001-05:00

FOREWARNING: this post was written two weeks ago. I have just now finished it. The following story may or may not actually be in chronological order. It also may or may not contain facts and or real people. Mostly me. I apologize in advance for the way it is written but I was still reeling. I work seven days a week and try to fit a life in there. Sometimes it ends up like this particular weekend where I forget that there is such a thing as TOO MUCH. I will stand by my final conclusion though.

anddddd... ENJOY!

I have woken up from my 48 hour life-coma. (thanks for being worried, but I am totally okay, life-comas are like a little gap in the time space continuum when everything blurs together and someone tells me that I was awake and alive during all of it. I have no evidence to back this up but go with it.)

I spent most of the last 48 hours working.

And I don't think I can tell you what day it is. It doesn't really matter, I am just going to grogily stumble into JobOne and hope that I am scheduled. Well, wouldn't it be nice to walk in and not be scheduled. Then I could get back to my favorite place in the world.

Under the covers.

I think it's my own fault. Chalk it up to poor planning. (Look at me! I'm growing up, all taking responsibility and stuff. So what if I started it with "I think" instead of a more declarative statement...I'm working on it okay!)

Somewhere in the middle of the week I realized my weekend was shaping up to be a complete and utter disaster. Not until friday came around did I really know what I was in for.

I had to jet out of jobone early to get to my other obligation that I had made months earlier. God forbid I put things like this on a calendar of some sort. Come to think of it, maybe I did. But I am still working on the whole, looking at the calendar thing.

I just write stuff in it. Close it. Walk away. Never to read it again. Not sure it's helping.

Anyway. After volunteering for race packet pick up the evening before I realize that I have a way early morning that is shaping up to be fah reezing.

It was. 6 am never felt so terrible. I was at the race site for 3 hours. The bitter blistering cold wind was determined to make sure it felt like an eternity. I wasn't sure if I felt better being a volunteer and not signing my ass up to run, or realizing that the runners had some blood flow going and could have maybe felt their fingers and toes.

Either way it was cold. And I, well, I hate the cold.

I immediately packed my things and went right to JobOne. Left there to go home just in time to change for JobTwo. I worked there all night (Saturday nights bring out the Cougars, and they are hungry. For our food and any young men they can get their claws into... So we stay busy, Good for business I suppose)

I didn't leave until 11pm. Which meant that I had been working a total of 17 hours. In one day. Somehow I had also gotten sucked into working for someone Sunday evening. Which meant Sunday turned into a double.

Great. Someone clearly took advantage of my weakened state and pounced on it. The delirium had set in and I went home to sleep.

Text messengers be damned. Too many people trying to get into my head and convince me to start partying immediately after my 17 hour shift. I passed out 8 seconds after I stumbled into my room. I woke up Sunday morning to a s-u-p-e-r-s-l-o-w day.

This is where the time space continuum was broken. I was pretty sure, all of Sunday was still just a continuation of Saturday. I am also sure that none of my sleep went into the revitalizing of my body or mind. I think I just closed my eyes and my body was too tired to do anything else.

And that could be my reasoning behind why I convinced myself that only on this Sunday was I supposed to show up an hour later than all my other Sunday in times.Maybe also why I felt the need to get my button up shirt all starched ironed and ready, and then leave it inside my house.

I had however thought ahead enough on Saturday that I purchased a sugar free Red Bull (bread bowl to Morgan) Luckily OldLadyMoves saved me with a couple extra wrinkle free button ups in her trunk. And I was back in business. Worked a double and proceeded to be a mere shell of a human.

In the middle of my double I got off. Started to go home to sleep until my next shift. Until Cutie McOldPants.(Which incidentally is what I could call half of the men I attract and or date... shrug...) texted me and told me he was watching the game at the local hole.
I met him up there and (shh, don't tell my boss) had an RBV (short for Red Bull Vodka, and I promise to never use that abbrev again.)

I watched my Ravens take it to the freaking house. Anyone see Ed Reed run back the longest interception in NFL history. He surpassed the previous record. Oh wait he held that one too.God I love my team. Anyway, I was so jazzed from our (yes I have now started saying we, as in, me and the rest of my team. I just don't suit up and get on that field, but I am totally one of them! ) victory that I went home only to change my shirt and headed back to work.

Worked the evening shift and went home. I don't recall these events because by now I was out of my funk. Or maybe just so exhausted I couldn't think about being exhausted any more. All I wanted was sleep. So despite getting heckled by everyone who suddenly thought Sunday nights were the "it" night to go out. I went home to sleep.

At least thats what my brain said. My heart decided to try to fight the Red Bull in my system. I was fast away in dreamland when I lost my breath. I literally woke up gasping for air. I quickly fell back asleep only to writhe in agony for hours upon hours because I could not get my heart to pick a rhythm.

Mind you, I have been diagnosed with a heart murmur. When I was like 6. My parents were in the middle of a custody battle and I was a desperate middle child vying for attention. That's what everyone chalked this diagnosis up to be.

Years later I still suffer from bouts of tachycardia or bradycardia. It takes me just a few moments to gather myself and I am fine.

Not this night. My heart was have a full out battle. Maybe it was playing DDR and I didn't know it. Either way.

I am swearing off Red Bulls from this point on.

So now, Red Bull doesn't give you wings. It gives you freaking arrhythmia.

Yes I know that was an extremely long story just to tell you that I am never drinking an energy drink again but to put into words those god forsaken hours that were my weekend seems much harder after knowing I survived it. I was convinced the entire time that my life was ending.
And yes being a hypochondriac with no health insurance is a tough life to live!

...stay tuned.

Common Law

2008-12-05T08:00:00.002-05:00

So in light of my most recent post I decided to write about something that has been going on in my life recently.

I am vying for common law marriage.

Nope.

Not gay.

Just love the lady I live with and we joke often about her husband and how he is pretty much useless.

There's the manicures. The avoidance of all physical labor. The general inability to perform any athletics. The getting of the money. Oh wait, that's the good part.

So besides the fact that we will go and be whores and sleep with other men, we want to get married.

We like each other. We already know we can live together. Her kids could totally stop calling me their former nanny and start calling me their new "mommy"

We are both super hot, so we would be the ideal lesbians. Without actually being lesbians. But you know, the kinda that all guys want. The ones that they don't believe could really be lesbians (and we won't be) but the kind where they are kinda into each other but they aren't sure if its just girls that are close. (cuz some girls are like that, not that I know cuz my girl friends and I punch each other, a lot.)

This is a totally logical thought process. Don't you tell me all about common law and what it actually means. I am going solely on the basis that it means we can live together for a period of time (like 7 years or something) and then we will be granted the rights of, like a 5 year old who just got up from time out. Or something. Whatever we can do to screw him out of his own house and live happily together forever.

That's how it works right?

Anyway, tonight marks the, 3 month anniversary of my move in. We are totally on our way!

Make Our Clothes and Do Our Hair!

2008-12-04T08:00:00.002-05:00

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Gym and Pam

2008-12-03T12:30:00.003-05:00

As of Dec. One I am back in the gym. Oh thank god.

I was starting to rationalize never going back. The whole, well I only gained a couple-a pounds argument. When in reality it was much more because I lost a crap load of muscle.
I feel good just as I am , I would tell myself. (which I do but I know I will feel better when my arm muscles tell people not to eff with the 5 foot tall girl cuz she can do more push ups than you. And my abs scream, PUNCH ME! And my legs look like I could roundhouse kick Chuck Norris in the face, and hurt him) ( and yes, I have very specific goals in mind while in the gym) When in reality, I lost a crap load of muscle, I ran a 5k in 28 minutes and that's way too slow for me.

And then I realized this entire time I have been shelling out my hard earned cash to these suckers and I am only getting, fatter, lazier and poorer.

Dangsies!

And believe you me, it's much too hard to try to get out of those contracts. So I dared not do that while I took that whole 4 months off!

So what I really want to point out is that I had forgotten how ridiculous the gym is everyday. I went at 3pm, on purpose, as to not be judged by so many faces.

I usually run my ass for 10 MAYBE 20 minutes and then I am off the treadmill. Or I swim a couple laps until my ass gets tired. Then out of the pool. Or I cycle 10-15 miles and I'm off the bike. Now I will be at the gym for a good 2 hours usually just not spent the entire time, I'm not part of the Vaginafest when you look at the cardio section. I like to life weights.

But that's not even what bothers me most. Because as much as I complain about this country being fat and how obese kids make my soul cringe. I know the people INSIDE the gym have taken a step in the right direction.(Me included, Yay me!)

But DUDE on the Eliptical. You are on a chick machine. You have to know that. Really though? You cant run the weight off? What about hitting a bike for a couple-a miles. Cuz gliding ever so gently on that machine while you push the handles back and forth slightly makes you seem like less of a man. I have got to be honest.

There are many issues I have with a gym, one being "those girls" who apparently can't lose calories unless they are in a matching outfit with their hair did.

There's the meat heads who usually work at most gyms, but some of them go there without being on the payroll. Nah fuck it, you guys can stay, you are all freaking hilarious. You will end up alone and sad despite your muscles on top of muscles. But you make my time at the gym go by quicker. Laughing burns calories right?

And despite all the cliche issues people have with the gym, I am so glad to be back in there.

And now, I must actually go because if I wait any longer, I will somehow come up with an excuse as to why I cannot go to the gym today. Like, if it's after 4 so I will inevitably run into the 987235 other kids from my high school that go there and I cannot bear one of those awkward conversations again(while they are on the eliptical....I think I just hate that machine)!

...stay tuned.

Fake Shit.

2008-11-27T15:15:00.002-05:00

I can't get my life together enough to do a real post.
For shit's sake I am currently on the West River. This place is more backasswards than going in reverse.

So happy thanksgiving everyone. I am not texting you all. And don't expect one on Christmas either!

Brookie Brooke Meet Doppleganger.

2008-11-22T09:22:00.003-05:00

I am pretty sure I have used the word doppleganger before. And possibly incorrectly.

I don't care. I still won't look it up to see if I am using it any more correct in this post. So don't check. Cuz I don't care.

Anyway.

I was out on Thursday night and ran into a woman I have heard about. All I had heard, was her connection to this crazy guy who comes into JobOne and asks us to wrap these SUPER expensivo presents he's purchased for his GF.

Side note: we don't do gift wrapping at JobOne. But he's all weird and we can usually get him to spend a couple-a bucks in the store so we do it for him. Twice a year. Valentine's Day and her birthday. I guess on Christmas he finds some other sucker to wrap his crap. Probably in the mall. Poor mall workers.

Or maybe the thing he buys are like big shiny Mercedes, so he just puts those huge ass bows on them. Who knows. Either way, he is weird, she dates him. Or did. Or does. Or doesn't now again, but soon will again.

This girl and I, we started talking. She is a tiny little bundle of energy. So right away I already see that we are similar. ( My lack of her super creep ex separates us enough, but kind of worries me about my future as soon as I realize she and I are similar) As we start talking we discover eerily similar things about each other.

She's a Pisces. Not that weird but when you can pin point one from just a conversation... A little weird.And mind you, I know almost nothing about the Astrologizzle stuff. Then as we discuss the men in our lives, the ones that we can't let go of. They are both Virgos. And something in us tells us that deep connection we feel can totally be translated into a fulfilling relationship.

Guess what?! It doesn't. It can't. It won't. If she is any indicator of that, 8 years back and forth with a real live "crazy" is not the path I want to continue on.

Then she says there is this guy who she hasn't given a chance for some reason. For years he has asked her out. Great guy. She is now giving him a chance. He is a pisces as well. Weird.

I swear we were talking about one person. We described our brothers and our relationships with them. Yup, still one person.

Only she was 20 years older than myself.

Note to self: don't be her then, okay to be her now at 23. Not at 43. Divorced with two kids and still effing around with the "wrong" guy.

No thank you.

So I'm pretty sure I got my little vision of the future. Now I just need to figure out how to avoid it. Or kind of. Cuz she's all successful and cute and fun still. So I can still be like her in that aspect.

Or maybe she has nothing to do with my life and it all gets chalked up to coincidence!

To tell you the truth, I'm a little delirious. I woke up at 6am to work an event, a 5k in the blistering windy cold. I am now at JobOne. Only to finish there midday and move on to JobTwo. Maybe I will be home by midnight. Maybe.

Then wake up bright and early to go right back to JobTwo.

Can't someone just pay me enough to work one job? Or is that two much to ask? Being a college dropout and all.

Dangsies.

...stay tuned.

Role Models

2008-11-21T08:00:00.002-05:00

I had to share this with all two of you. I went to see the movie Role Models over the weekend and I loved it. Though it doesn't take much to make me laugh, this is hilarious.

Enjoy!

...stay tuned.

It's too cold to take my pants off.

2008-11-20T10:01:00.004-05:00

Holy frigid weather Batman.

The ex texted me last night. "How are you? Staying Warm?"
He knows the answer. Of course I am not staying warm! It is fricken freezing out now. Even snow flurries. Gross.

My thoughts are always as such; If the snow doesn't cover the ground and get me out of work, I want nothing to do with it.
So last night as I was getting ready for bed I realized. It is too damn cold to take my pants off.

Be damned Cosmopolitan writers who say that it isn't sexy to go to bed in 3 layers of sweatpants and a sweatshirt with long black socks on. Under blankets galore and maybe a beanie if necessary. I am hot in more ways then one when I go to bed!

And this is where San Diego comes into play. I've got Tia over there enjoying the Cali kinda weather in November and she's complaining about it. Ungrateful warm weather bitch! (totally kidding Tia, we should trade homes so you can wear your pea coat and I can stop crying)

Granted the SoCal plans are in the very early planning stages but I saw something in the stars aligning when 4 or 5 of my people started talking about doing the travel to Europe thing and then going to SoCal. Really people? Why didn't any of you follow me to L.A. the first time? I could have really used a friend out there, being 19 and on the opposite coast of everyone I knew.

But I'll let bygones be bygones. And now I am thinking about moving to San Diego. Where Cosmo most assuredly writes from because I can totally understand not going to bed in sweatpants out there! But while I'm on the right coast, I am sticking with my super warm 4 dollar target blankets. A possible space heater purchase in the future. And all of my sexy ass sweatpants!

..stay tuned

Money Talks

2008-11-19T14:33:00.004-05:00

I had a conversation with my money this weekend.

It wasn't too happy with being put into my drawer at home instead of in a bank. So it complained a lot about being squished into my wallet on my way down to North Carolina. My money is really finicky. It likes the roominess of a stable bank account where it can just chill and hang out until it can be really useful.

A nice thought. But not practical. I need that shit to work for me. Start doing push ups or something.

So as the conversation went, it had decided that I was 150 dollars too rich.
Yeah?! Me? Rich? Interesting take. I disagreed for a while and said I needed to save more. All I wanted was Andrew Jackson to keep multiplying and just see how many of them I could stuff into one drawer. They didn't take to kindly to that.

So off I went, with a few extra Benjamins than I normally would have taken. I spent pretty wisely. Only 3 cranberry vodkas on Friday. Saturday was spent at Plato's Closet and watching Role Models.(effing hilarious, beeteadub)

Sunday I just drove two hours south and went to see my sister. One margarita and one loss of the Ravens later and I wasn't spending any more money.

And this is where money talks.
It said"did you hear me?I said you were $150.00 too rich!"
Me: "Yeah, I spent some money this weekend. Money that I would have normally saved. And I took off from work so I lost money there too"
Money: "Still not enough."

and second later my left rear tire blew out. On highway 81.

No shock, no worry, no real surprise. My money and my car must have formed an alliance. Long ago. They decided every time I get on my feet and start to get control of my finances, they were going to make sure I knew how high maintenance they really were.

Thanks guys. This is the fourth. Yup, fourth tire that has blown out, or gone flat since I have had my car. Did I mention I've only owned this car for 4 years?
Is that even possible? I would love to rattle off the laundry list of things that my car has also done to prove to me it's still there and I would be no where without it.
But that would probably just piss her off enough to eff with me again sometime soon.

I took preventative measures and bought TWO new tires. I should be good now right?
Oh please Bessy, last me until I move to San Diego (more on that later). I beg of you.

...stay tuned.

Rules of the Road.

2008-11-14T17:33:00.004-05:00

On my way to North Carolina today... oh yeah I forgot to mention that this weekend will be filled with my bestie best friend ever. I drove to see her. I coudln't stand it anymore.
The drive was less than 5 hours, so not too bad. Unless you count the countless idiots on the road. Which is a stupid statement because they cant be counted if they are countless but to try would be enough to frustrate you the way I was.

So to all the people on the road today:

Guy who drove the same pace as me for 30 miles creepily smiling at me:
You are asinine, what could possibly come from driving next to me for that long. Would I be wooed by your eerie looks and suddenly decide to follow you down whatever exit you took and we would stop at a rest stop and live happily ever after? Yeah likely story. Just like the one you told the cops about you not killing that local girl. Mmmhmm.

Kid who I used to go to high school with:
Freaking look at me when I am waving at you. I know you saw me. Who doesn't look out their windows when they are driving? You are like the complete opposite of creepy other guy who wouldn't stop staring at me. Just one look over to your left so I can feel less insane. Thanks.

Woman at whom I yelled:
I apologize for yelling. I also apologize for assuming you are a woman. But you were driving like a freaking woman. All slow and turning without a blinker. Ya killing me lady.

Winshield wipers:
thanks for not working.again. in the rain. 'nuff said.

All the people who chatted with me on the cellular:
Thanks for letting me fool you into believing that I cared what you were saying when in reality the kinda time you can kill on the road while in a conversation is priceless. Thanks for being a trooper. I fully expect you to be there again on the way back on Monday.

State Policeman:
Hey thanks. Thanks a lot. For getting up behind everyone in the left lane and making them freak out and think you were coming after them so they drove wildly out of your way. Thereby creating more of a driving hazard than their original speed violation. Thanks again. But know this. You didn't fool me. You weren't coming after me and I knew it. So suck on that copper cuz I wasn't going to slow down for you! Ha!

All other drivers:
Hear me now. I want you out of my way when I am on the same road as you. Simple as that.

K tttthhhaaannkkksss!

Now I am off to recreate Fabulous Fridays North Cackalacky style!!!

...stay tuned!

Google got it right.

2008-11-13T23:04:00.002-05:00

So you know that version of email. I think it's gmail that won't let you send an email unless you do simple arithmetic problems first. Thereby limiting the number of drunk people sending regrettable emails.

Yeah, well I have that function built into my brain.

Only with texts. And I am not even drunk.

Here's the quick back story. The ex (and he is only the ex because I don't date and he is pretty much the only real ex I have) and I were texting back and forth ALL day today. Weird, we have an interesting relationship still. We are still friends. And by friends I mean people who can send dirty or inappropriate texts to each other and talk about a very short bit of our lives at the moment and then not talk again for weeks or even months.

Last time we saw each other was the first time since we had for real broken up. We pretend broke up for a few weeks and then for real broke up and then we got together and it was stupid. I thought I was going to be buying him a drink for his birthday and he thought I was going to be there an hour and a half earlier. (Men!)

(what miscommunication, I don't know what you are talking about?!)

We hung out for 10 awkward seconds and then walked away. He texted me immediately about how good I looked...yeah, I wish I could have said it was effortless but I knew what kinda moment it was going to be and whatever happened he needed to know that I either looked good despite him and our relationship ending or looked good and he could maybe remember what he was missing out on.Not sure which one I had intended on that night.

Either way, today we spent a long time cracking jokes with each other and at one point he down right flirted with me. I never thought I would see this day.
Wait, I don't even know what day this is. The day where the ex reminds you of why you two did date? Or the day you realize you haven't dated anyone since him for a reason? Or the day you think you've lost your mind because you two still talk in the first place.

...Okay so I have to tell the truth. I started writing this, then talked to my conscious a.k.a. Beauty of Beauty and the Beast. She convinced me to text him tonight. To text him and see what he was doing. Because somewhere in my brain I wanted to drive to go see him and see what would happen. Secretly hoping for a specific outcome. I have no guts. But she convinced me. Just last week she tried to get me to come with her to the same region of MD to see her "one that got away". At 2 in the morning. I didn't go.
She did.

She is cooler than me.
Now I texted him. And now he wants me to call him. So I gotta go.
Crraaaaapppppppp....

...stay tuned.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

2008-11-13T11:00:00.003-05:00

Holy Shit!Mom? What are you doing here?

OH that's right. There is only one person in this mirror, and it is me. Good trick Mom.

One of my 100 truths is that I am turning into my mother.

Everything I have ever witnessed and made comment to : Like her inability to cut her super gorgeous, super long flowing hair, or anything quirky related to having 3 feet of pin straight long brown hair.Using my hand at the top of my head and flipping it to the side, any sudden movements and people around you saying, "get your hair off me!" Yup. Got it. I want to cut my hair but I love that no one around me has hair like mine.

Luckily another aspect of my mother that has been passed down is her generosity. I love my hair but I want other people to enjoy it. That's why I've donated it before and will again. I want to donate my hair at least 10 times in my life. If it keeps growing at this pace then that should be easy peasy.

Or like her body, no butt but strong legs. ( I used to leg wrestle an old boyfriend and I could hold my own!)

Or like her face that shows her age but in a delicate way, you know she's lived life, a few wrinkles to prove she's laughed along the way but she still looks damn good for her age. I see that "life" creeping in, I am only 23 and I can only pray my face can withstand the way I laugh. (it's more of a cackle)

And it's not Mother's Day or anything, but last night as I combed my hair. Which only happens once in a blue moon. (Long hair = lazy. Duh.) I watched her, with every brush stroke I felt more like her than myself.

And I couldn't help but do a double take. I swear my mother was standing on the other side of that mirror. I don't have any qualms about becoming her clone though. I admire her greatly (but it is freaking weird to experience it). I know the science behind it all, but it still blows my mind.
(The science being that we are kinda genetically linked, the whole mother/daughter thing, she has x chromosomes I have x chromosomes, she has traits that have been passed to me. Blah Blah Blah. Just in case you were wondering. Science was totally my thing, before I dropped out of college... dangsies)

So here's to you Mom. And though I have got some traits that certainly don't come from you. Like the desire to have a cocktail or twelve every now and then. Or the fact that my voice can reach decibels most humans have never fathomed. Or that I cannot stand to not be right. All. the. time. (It's not usually a problem though, being always right and all) Those I clearly get from my father. And to pay homage to my x chromosome that came from him, well this post would have taken a whole different tone.

So Mom,
I can't wait to be you.

...stay tuned!

Oh no she di int.

2008-11-11T17:15:00.006-05:00

Lucky me.
My birthday is in March.

And before St. Patrick's Day and all people claim their 1/3000th Irish heritage and become obliterated beyond belief and forget that conciousness is an option.Thusly missing any other events around that time. Like a birthday.

Lucky me, my birthday is not New Years Day like a co worker of mine who also wakes up to find everyone around her barely out of their "this year is totally going to suck less!" champagne and fake hopes and dream induced comas.

Lucky me, my birthday is not Christmas Eve, like my Mother's. There was one rule in my house growing up. DO NOT under any circumstances wrap her birthday present with Christmas paper. She wouldn't even open it. Poor woman. I mean freaking Jesus was born just a day later than her so she gets shafted on how many gifts she gets. Not fair.

So that leads me to today. When in walks a sweet woman who hemmed and hawed over gifts. I try and I try to help these people. I am a super great gift giver.

Okay so every now and then I am overcome with my disease that forces me to get someone something I am totally convinced they want but may or may not have hinted at, at all. It usually ends up fine. ( I swear my brother loves the buddha head decor) Other than those rare moments I try really hard to put together thoughful gifts for everyone on my list.

And I even somehow manage to add people who were never on the list. I mentioned I work at a super cute boutque-y gift store right? Yeah, gift giving is totally my thing.

This lady hands me two items and tells me to wrap them together. Done.
WAIT?! What? It is a birthday present? Not Christmas? You are sure?

And this persons birthday is coming up?

WHATTTT?! I wanted to lean over the counter and whisper: "hey assface, there is no DAMN way she wants this right now! How about you wait until effing Thanksgiving is over before you shove Santy Claus down her freaking throat which has nothing to do with her being born. At all. Unless she is a believer of God and then somehow it's tied together but I digress"

But this whole recession thingy has me to the point where I no longer help these people pick out gifts that I have an opinion about. If they are buying things, it is okay by me! An embroidered baby blanket that says "Body Sculpt Baby" referencing a new born who is now to be called the name of her mother's place of employment. Oh absolutely do it!

Then she says "oh well, she probably has more christmas things that she can shake a stick at"

And it took all of me to not lean over and whisper the previous phrase to her but not grabbing her collar and shaking her violently was tremendous self restraint.

(I am not an advocate of this phrase but...)
WTF?

Why would I shake a stick at things? And what does that have to do with how much I have of said things? Really? Who says that?
Don't answer that. If you do, I don't want to know about it. Because I will no longer like you. Seriously, one of the dumbest things I have ever heard.

Why is it okay to give these other holiday related gifts to people before the holiday is upon us. Why stop there? Why not go out and on the day after christmas snatch up all the goodies people didn't want and give them as gifts for the rest of the year?

For the people with a birthday in June, you are totally getting way expired egg nog and some googly eyed reindeer slippers.

And you will like it.

But like I said. She bought something. So judge not lest ye be judged.

But she was totally effing crazy.

..stay tuned!

Limbo. And not the good kind.

2008-11-07T19:23:00.006-05:00

Not that there really is a good kind of limbo. Being a shorty limbo was always looked at like it had to be my thing. Right?I'm supposed to be good at this because my entire body's length doesn't quite pass your hips? No. Not the case. Spare me the oompa loompa reference and let's play a real game.

Anyway. I am in a crazy bit of limbo. Life Limbo. I pretty much get here every 8-12 months. It's fun you should try it. Here's how I do it. I live like a single 23 year old with no savings and incidentally I end up like a single 23 year old with no savings! Weird how that happens right?

I am so ready to do what I know I am supposed to be doing.There are glass ceilings and as much as I love Willy Wonka (the original) I do not have any sort of magic sideways moving, glass shattering elevator that can take me wherever I want to go. ( God would I love to live in that land.But NOT as an Oompa, I already told you that! I want to be Veruca Salt. Or maybe Charlie without the creepy family and the bypassed sexual deviance of one Gene Wilder.)

I figured out my calling a couple months back. Well about a year ago. I got a bit of planning done when the economy looked me straight in the face and said "beat this" . And I've been left helpless ever since.

Aw shit. I told you it aint playing fair. Like we are playing war (the card game, not for real war cuz I just made a peace sign cake that says "Make cake not war"!) and it comes time to flip over that third card( you know the part where your war cards tie and you face down three cards and the third one is the new war card)... The first two were Aces. So in my head I think " sweet if I just beat this third one then I will get two Aces, I'm unstoppable then".
Nope that slimy economy straight up pulled out a third Ace and beat my 7. Sure a lot of other cards beat my seven. But another Ace? No way. Gotta be cheating.

When I was a kid I would just flip all of my cards in the air and shout "cheater!" and I would have been done. Not now. I realize the stakes are more than just bragging rights with my siblings. This is life and I want all 52 damn cards! So I don't care how long this GD game takes..

My plan has now been to better my third card. Behind the scenes. Play the game of war a bunch more and get the decked stacked in my direction. To where I can bust out some face cards and kick the economy's ass. I just gotta wait until the stacks are a little more even. You know when I have maybe, oh I don't know, the ability to afford HEALTH INSURANCE. ( I haven't even mentioned the fifth and sixth wisdom teeth growing in my mouth. Yup you heard me. Got 4 removed two years ago. Now I got two more. NOT fair I tell you.)

So in the mean time I have taken up writing.(I've always been a writer, but just recently discovered the idea of actually doing something with the 10,000 poems, or lyrics or short stories that I write.)

Not only here on this blog (which is sure to gain me immediate infamy and tons of fortune to follow right?)but I am also writing children's books. While working two jobs I can't say that I am really writing them so much as scribbling down my ingenious text hoping that when I am finished I can look up and say "A book!"

and then a publisher will look at me and say "I want it!"
And then I will say "Okay that'll be a million dollars"
And then they will say "Done, now write some more!"

and then it will be a happy little circle that goes like that until I keel over.

and then I wont have to find myself attracted to 30 something men who are already well off and could take care of me. Sugar Daddies? Not for me. Unless that circle doesn't happen and then I might just have to actually date one of the men I keep consuming all my time with.

In the mean time it is Friday and I am sure it won't be another version of Fabulous Fridays (because those have tapered off and I die a little on the inside each week now that I have a new digital camera to capture all of it's glory.) But a Friday none the less. So off I go to try to figure out what conclusion job two came to about whether they are willing to give the employees free drinks or not. Because that will hugely affect whether I go to job two to drink or brother's job one. Because that is where I met cute 39 year old. (who incidentally now knows he is on my blog. Crap! ) But mostly because that is where BFF brother works and can get the hook up. I'm working both jobs tomorrow and am sure to disappear again until Tuesday or something. I apologize to my four followers. (I freaking love all of you!)

...stay tuned!

**Update** As much as I would like to believe I am a super cute fearless person (wait, I do whole heartedly believe the first part!). Bits of this post have been edited or removed. I apologize for the extreme vagueness throughout the post and the crazy card game analogy( I let you inside my head for God's sake, it can't all be pretty and sensical and shit.) but I have yet to find a creative way to post about real life events without getting my ass in trouble.It's not like Dooce. has taught me nothing!

You couldn't possibly want another election related post. You do? Good. Here it is. My one and only.

2008-11-04T23:44:00.005-05:00

It's not like there isn't plenty of election coverage right now. So I will not spout about who or what I believe in and how or why I went about choosing my candidate. But I am proud to say this country has elected it's first black president. It shows growth and to me a sense of one-ness. Because I too am part black.

Wait. I lied. I occasionally get mistaken for an African American when I hit the beaches. I also get mistaken for a person of Asian decent. Due to my almond shaped eyes or something like that. I'm not sure. But what I am trying to say is that I relate with the peeps. And so does GObama. So although my father is sad to see his reflection. (rich old white man) not get the incumbents seat, I am proud to be an American today.

But you know what I figured out.

I am much less confrontational than I remember myself to be.

That is a huge statement for me. Because most people would say my five foot stature does not do my personality justice. Brutal honesty is not something you can go about delicately, hence the first word being brutal. I don't tend to make friends by being quiet and bashful. I get loud and sometimes verbally abusive (if you are rooting for a team I don't care for) and the people that are left in the wake. The people that have survived. They tend to be okay with being my friend.

As I usually spout my daily amount of jibber jabber I tend to piss off a person or twelve. Just part of my daily routine. Nothing new for me. When the election was barely on the horizon it was such easy fodder for me to go back and forth with anyone. Truly I played devil's advocate and vouched for each candidate just to test other peoples beliefs. As it came closer to the actual day (today) I got a little more protective. I had decided on who my man was.

I did not want to share that with anyone. I no longer wanted to fight. I knew what I believed in and I wanted no one to sway that. I even got a little upset when a campaigner of my future baby daddy... I MEAN my future presidential vote getter came to my door to talk to me about campaigny type crap. I didn't ask her who she was voting for. Nor did I care. Now go home woman. (And for god's sake knock over some lawn signs on the way out will ya?)

The beauty of an election is watching the results knowing that you were part of it but in no way did your one vote decide the race. So a friend of mine who once had a conversation with me that almost came to blows, he and I called a truce. We vowed not to get into it all. Every time. I wish that everyone could do that. I still don't want to talk about it. I have no desire to rub in my elected official. I am also not gonna sulk about a parties fall from grace.

It's not as if I picked the Steelers to trounce the Redskins. And bet on it. (I mean we all knew that was gonna happen, and I should have bet cuz I could have won some money) But it's nothing to brag about.

So congratulations to every American who voted today. And congratulations to our candidates and our country who will really reap the rewards of our actions.

And for you lazy asses who didn't vote. ( and there are a shit load more of you who I am fully surprised to know about) You all need to buck up and stop claiming ignorance as a reason why you didn't vote. Get off your ass and learn something about candidates and make a choice. There is no right or wrong.

Just who is cooler and picks the right party who gets the most votes and totally wins and has the most friends and stuff.

Oh wait that was high school.

Dangsies.

...stay tuned.

"Some days I'm your super bitch"

2008-11-03T11:41:00.004-05:00

Today is Monday. It took me a good 20 minutes while waking up this morning to figure that out. I also didn't know that it was daylight savings yesterday. Don't judge

So even though it doesn't feel like the weekend is over to me let me try to capture in a few short (I'm already lying to you, it won't be short) words what my roller coaster of a weekend entailed.

Day one: also known as Friday. Disguised as Halloween. I bought a new digital camera finally. And because of my rash behavior I purchased one I wasn't super crazy about because the one I wanted was only offered in a putrid green yellow color.

Seriously Best Buy?
You offer the normal colored ones online, but the one in the store had to be shiny puke color?
Thanks.

Then it's time to get dressed and at the last minute I changed my outfit. I think this was where I went right. So genuisly right. (pictures to come) I may need to remind you that I was the Orbit Lady. I show up to job #2 in costume as they were having a costume party.30 minutes in, I pretty much have the entire restaurant coming up to me and saying terrible curse words in order to get me to say

"dirty mouth?"
"Clean it up!"
"For a good clean feeling, no matter what"
and lastly
"Fabulous!"

All said in a perfectly inflected accent. I was a hit. They loved me.

And this is where I went so wrong. I should have stayed. Instead I went to my brothers place where they too were having a party. They moved the party to a nearby bar in which I have complete and utter disdain for now because I didn't win the costume contest. It's not that I didn't win that got me, because there was one guy dressed as a soccer trophy. He could have totally beaten me and I would have been fine. He was all gold. (ALL of him) with a soccer ball stuck to his foot and when he struck a pose it was genius (have I over used that word yet?)

But we both lost to

..freaking...

SARAH PALIN!

Really people?

You are that easy?

Look at the ingenuity and the time and effort it took for our costumes. Hers? It took a whole five seconds to throw on a skirt and a blazer and put some glasses on and put her hair half up. I may or may not be a little bitter. Because guess how many Sarah Palin costumes there were this year. Well scientifically I don't know but I am estimating at least 3 billion people went as her. Men and women. Too easy. Yup I'm bitter.

After that we went back to my brothers place and all hell started to break loose. My emotions ran the gamut while I was there. It ended with me leaving at 3 am to drive home all teary eyed. The details will be spared, but let's just say at 25 years old if you become a different person when you drink. You need to stop drinking.

So, no prize money and no happy ending (not that kind you sicko.)
Halloween was a bust.

Day two: Also known as Saturday.
I was in a weird mood, because of the events that transpired just a few hours earlier I couldn't seem to shake the somber feeling that came over me. I drove to work and almost burst into tears (almost is the key word.)My mind was racing and no smile was to be found. It didn't help that in the midst of the drama the night before I also had one of my buddies ( guy I've talked to for years, jokingly and seriously for YEARS) tell me that he was for real in love. With me.

Um what? My first answer is always.. Don't do that. I can figure myself out (no I can't who am I kidding) when I fall in love and all that nonsense but I sure as hell cannot pick up the pieces if someone else falls in love. With me. That just throws me for one hell of a loop. I know not what to do or say. I just feel bad for the person. I think I am the last person you would want to fall in love with.

...and scene!

Let me reel myself back in before we get all smooshy ooey gooey. So as my mind was racing, in walks my good friends Beauty and the Beast. They are my super pair at work. I like them a lot. They keep me sane and laughing. They walk in, plain clothed and I am instantly jealous that I am not them. I continue working while they wait for me. Oh I didn't tell you? Saturday was the last night for the Haunted Forest. These suckers were going and they were waiting until I got off so I could go with them.

I freaking love these people. Crisis over. Smiles were instantly found and I busted my ass to get out of work.

Off we go. And a scare or two was had while in the forest. My night(weekend) was instantly better. Then we went to Sheetz and got late night food. It couldn't have been any better than that. We all drove away with a full belly and a happy ending. (again, not that kind!!)

Day three. Also known as Sunday. Wrapped in football and a Brunch shift.
I don't mind Sundays because working brunch is kind of easy.

What would have been nice is if someone told me that it was Daylight Savings and that I was supposed to turn my clocks back. Yeah. A memo or something would have been nice. Cuz guess who showed up an hour early to work that day? Yup, this girl.

Once I got off work, I had brunch. It was glorious as I tell all of our patrons even though I haven't had it before yesterday. (they don't know that) Now it was time to watch football and veg out all day. The problem is , with my team I have a slight phobia slash obsession. I believed that if I watched my Ravens on the TV that we would lose. If I listened to them on the radio. We won. So I made a quick stop to my brothers work to say hi and see a few minutes of the game. I had been listening on the radio so far and we were winning so I couldn't do any damage whilst in the bar for just a few minutes.

Wrong.

The Browns came back to tie it up. We again went up and then they tied it up again. I got my stuff and was ready to walk out the door. The Browns fan next to me was not okay with this. He convinced me to stay. Against every fiber of my being I stayed. (He was super cute and fun to talk to so not EVERY fiber I guess)

After painstakingly going down 14 points my team rallied. Just as I screamed at the TV that they would.( I am totally in control while watching my team!)

Oh did I mention the cute guy to my left was 39, totally hitting on me and recently divorced with kids. I didn't? Well I don't think I should have to anymore. I think you (my readers) should assume this by now.

And after a couple hours of sitting there,and him worrying that my brother was going to chop his balls off for doing so (my brother works there and has known this guy for years) It was time to go. Or he said so. We had already exchanged numbers and he had already told me every dirty little secret about himself. ( shots will do that, even to a big man like him.) Including the "kinda over" girl he was dating that showed up. Yeah that was fun. Luckily my loud mouth had made friends elsewhere in the bar by then.

Night ended and I may or may not have had a dream about him. Did I also mention he is a stock broker who drives a 125,000 dollar car? Man I'm sorry for leaving these important details out. Just kidding,that is SO not an important detail. But the super cute thing is, he bet my brother that if the Ravens won (and we knew they would!) that he could drive his 4 billion dollar car on a date. Cute 39 year old wasn't looking for anything in return should the Ravens lose (and we knew they wouldn't) So little bro has to find a hot girl to match the sweet ass car he gets to take on a date and I broke the curse of not being able to watch my team on television and now we have a date to meet up every Sunday and demoralize each other depending on whom we are rooting for.

And now we are on
Day Four: also known as Monday or Karaoke night.
And this is why the title of my post is that. I have to learn all the words to the Christina Aguilera song. We've chosen to make that our song tonight.I cannot wait!

more to come I promise because as I said before. My weekend isn't over.

..stay tuned.

Freak my freak.

2008-10-30T23:52:00.004-04:00

I am having a moment.
I am completely freaking out.

One of those moments where you know no one is watching but the smile is plastered on your face. Tears well up and you don't know what to do. Your insides are all squirmy and you feel you may pass our from sheer excitement.

Right now. Having that moment.

I just got an invite that suggests that one of my oldest (in length of knowing her, not age) friends is preggers. Ew. Did I just say preggers?

Anyway, there are about 8 girls in our close little group. We range in geographical location from Pennsylvania down to North Carolina to California right now but once upon a time we all lived near each other. From the dorms to off campus housing at VT. This particular friend I have actually been friends with since freshman year of high school.

Girl got married two years ago. Besides that blowing my mind, she said she was sending us a little something. We all got messages on Facebook and we were going back and forth asking her what it was. We suggested motherhood but she laughed at us. (since I've known her she has said she wasn't having kids 'til 26.) She is barely 23.

And that girl is totally pregnant. I have no one else to share it with though. I live about 30 minutes from her so I got the invite first. I almost flipped my lid.

This is how the Facebook chat went with all of us...

Mom to be: Hey guys - can you all message me with your address... somewhere I can send something in the next week?? Thanks :)

Jugs:
yay mail!.. (writes her address)(from Pennsylvania)

Hart of Hearts...(address blah blah blah) and miss you all! (from North Cackalacky)

Bethel Bananas
hiii...(sends her address) all the way in California...miss you!

Bestie Best: ..writes her address, and says her hellos to all of us.

Me:
are you gonna send someone to kidnap us all so we can all finally be in the same place at the same time? Cuz I will just go willingly!

..after being funny, I write my address too

Shitty: (yes that is a real nickname that she answers to)
heyyy guyss..sorry i was out of town this weekend.
miss you all! .. includes her postal info.

Mom to be:Thanks Everyone - be checking your mail Wednesday/Thursday-ish :)

Jugs: Stover(unbeknownst to us, the mom to be) you're making me nervous!!

Mom to be:Haha - oh my gosh... nothing to be nervous about. Just a little "hello", that's all :)

A few days later..
Mom to be: Hey guys - the things I ordered are back ordered :( Probably next week - sorry for the delay - miss you all! We still need to plan a mass WAJ (that's what we call ourselves, don't judge it's the dorms initials, we were cool back then!) trip to the vineyards!!

Jugs:ooooh what did you order!!!! im so excited!!
on

Shitty: yeaaaa get that bad boy rolling! and Jay wheres this thing I'm expecting? ....or must we wait a few months? ......like 9....?

..this is completely Hart of Heart's fault btw.

Me: she said it was backordered, is that a new term for the gestation period?

Bestie Best:Haha so glad I'm not the only one with that thought... J is messing with our heads!

Mom to be: What is a gestation period??? It's just something small... nothing big to stress over. Sorry for missing everyone and wanting to do something cute :P

Jugs:HAHAHAA
oh jay i love and miss you! we thought you were sending us a picture of your occupied uterus!! it is still vacant right? green strip not red? hahah love you miss you girls sooo mcuhhhh

Me: (now backing away from my original thought process) haha oh gosh, gestation period is the time it takes for a baby to grow... annnyywho.. we love you for getting us together like this and I can't wait for the notebook to come my way! I miss you all!

Hart of hearts: She is messing with our heads.

Mom to be: Hart of Hearts you need a hobby

Mom to be: Mailed yesterday

Jugs: woooo i cant waittttt i never get anything but bills and I'm so excited for some snail mail lovin! miss uuu

...yup she fooled us.... well kinda . We were all onto her at some point, but she did a good job of throwing us off the scent. But now I cannot contain myself.
I did call my best friend Morgan. She let me ruin the surprise for her. She is in North Carolina so it'll be days before she gets it.

Days I said.

I cannot wait days people!!!

This is BIG freaking news!

She was the first one to get married and now the first one to pop out a baby. We have to go all out. And believe you me I am going to be the party planner. I planned her bachelorette party. Quite the success I tell you. Though I can tell you no more. We were sworn to secrecy.

Anyway. Thanks for listening. One of my best friends is going to have a baby. This is freaking awesome. I will get to tell the little one all about that time in ninth grade that Mommy pulled out Motion Lotion and licked it off her own arm. Exclaiming "it really does taste good"

You're going to be a great mom!

....stay tuned.

I'm no sucker for advertising and this is how I can tell...

2008-10-30T10:37:00.003-04:00

I just discovered fleece. (don't laugh)

I kid you not. Remember way back when, when Old Navy was all about the Performance Fleece. There were commericals a plenty and people sporting them everywhere you went. So naturally everyone got on that bandwagon.

Yeah, not this girl.
Either too poor for even Old Navy or I was rebelling against what the masses were doing. (Too cool for school)

So as I was walking through Nordstrom Rack,(there was no need for me to be there except my pretend need for a "belt", well I did need the belt but I knew I was getting the 8 dollar one at WalMart when I walked through the doors but I just had to peek, it's been a while. )

...wait let me back up. And tell you why fleece was even on my mind.

My younger sister is a fleece freak. Well maybe she just likes them a lot, but this girl has asked for and gotten multiple fleece jackets for Christmas. See I save up my Christmas presents. Like this year I am going to ask for all the stuffs associated with training for a triathlon.(Again.) Like a bike rack,really expensive Zoot suits and what not.
Not the shit I can buy myself...

like a fleece.

Sure she likes the really expensivo ones and I'm sure they are even better. But, just yesterday I purchased my first Columbia fleece jacket. All black, and kids sized none the less.

I figured if my sister is asking for these suckers for Xmas, they gotta be good. I seriously don't even recall putting on someone else's fleece, ever and falling in love like I did yesterday on my way to work wearing only a tank top in this, what feels like 12 degree weather. (probably closer to 50's but I'm a baby) I literally had a smile plastered on my face while driving to work realizing that 25 dollars on this jacket that I did not need, was the best 25 dollars I spent yesterday (probably all week). Not the super cute Chinese Laundry heels. Not the really nice strapless bra. The jacket was king.

I'm still wearing it. I wore it to bed even.

So in conclusion. Don't waste your advertising dollars on me,cuz I will not buy it just cuz you tell me too. Sure it may be great, and there is a reason that it catches on and has hundreds of commercials about its greatness, and followers a plenty but I, I do what I want.
Except for that one time in college during the Super Bowl that the Taco Bell ad came on and Morgan and I got up and immediately drove to get a crunchwrap supreme.(holy crap those things are good.)

..stay tuned.

Oh and I have plenty more to dish just not the time to do so. I'm sure you are all aware of the Holiday coming up tomorrow. Yeah, I'm in major prep mode. But besides that I got a random text from the ex last night, new boy at work developments, asked out on a date by 40 year old, and much more... to come. So seriously...stay tuned.

Gone Baby Gone

2008-10-28T11:45:00.003-04:00

Apparently I disappear from thursday evening until tuesday evening. I am working on how to post everything I want to whilst working two jobs and all that other jazz I get into. Friday wasn't quite a Fabulous Friday but I could at least deem it a Family Fun Friday. I will let you know more about this after my shift I am already late for.
Who is excited for Halloween?!?!?!?!?!
I can hardly contain myself!

...stay tuned.

Take a breath..

2008-10-24T11:33:00.003-04:00

I don't feel like I should be out of bed. I have one of those nagging sickness knocking on my door. Achy head neck and back, yup. Sore throat, yup. Scratchy voice, tired eyes, you name it. So how can I possibly post today? Well I decided to do a little post about things I have learned in the last week.

Seriously, everyday I find something new and interesting out, whether about the world or myself.You know, learning. It's good for you or something.

So here it is,
Brookie's observations du jour:

1.If you are looking for hot guys...

Go to the pumpkin patch. Seriously!

I mean besides the clearly not hot ones that look like they should be perched in a corn field to scare away the crows. For every 3 of those there is a gorgeous man toting around some punkins! Sure he may also be toting some tots too. I didn't say they were single guys but there are some hot dads roaming around that's for sure. I don't really want them you know like I would want single hot guys but, I do like their presence though because it makes me go "that is what I want my husband to look like when we have kids" (that sentence is comical all on it's own)

2. Sleep is underrated. Okay that one is for the sick me who is still crying that I have to take a shower and get dressed and function as a human today and it is already (read: only) noon.

3. The art of biting one's tongue needs to be more widespread. I don't understand people who cluelessly say hurtful or rude things and keep on their merry ways. Guess what people. Not everyone cares what you think. Not everyone wants the break down of why you just said the imbecile like thing you just said. And not everyone wants to further carry on a conversation with you after you've said something so out of line.

For example, when someone verbally attacks me,(good intentions be damned) you better believe that I will fight back, verbally. But when someone thinks that she is better equipped to take me down verbally she better look in a mirror and deflate her own arrogant head because I am well skilled at the art of holding back, until need be. And then you are in for a tongue lashing. Or even a beating because I am certainly not above (as Coral from The Real World put it..) beating bitches up.Just because I am more refined and don't commonly say things that either
a. people laugh at incessantly because it was kinda stupid
or
b. people are caught so off guard they mask their displeasure with awkward smiles.

No, typically when I speak if I am not intentionally making people laugh, it is usually good for something else. Be it, knowledge or praise or something equally as wonderful. I open my mouth and more good things come out than bad. And there are some people in this world whose ratio of good to bad is tipped in the wrong direction.
Closing their mouths more often may just help that.
So in conclusion, "if you ain't got nothin' nice to say, don't say it at all"
..bitches.(that was my inner Paris coming out.)

4. When you put your mind to something, it can be done and with great success.
My newest best friend E is a fantastic example of this. She is a 24 year old working girl (in a the WG1 and WG2 sort of way.) who just put on a fund raiser for Pick's Disease which is something her family is dealing with right now. That girl almost single handedly raised 12 thousand dollars with one 5k. Let me say that again. One girl, one event, twelve thousand dollars.
How can you not be WOWed by that. God love her, I am so proud to know her. Anyway in the midst of dealing with a sick parent, a demanding job , a house full of boys (one being her boyfriend) this girl set out to put on an event. She set her mind to it and she busted her ass and she did some incredible things in the process.
I am so proud of her!

5.No matter how much you hide the fact that you are Queen of the Procrastinators, you will be found out.
And I don't even have more time for this post because I have to go meet my father at the DMV an hour away from here so I can put the title of my car in my name(after owning it for 4 plus years) which I could have easily done by myself had I any clue where the title was and/or is currently. Oh yay.

and just a day later I have more to add...

6.If you just wait long enough people will show you their inherent stupidity.
For example. When going into the DMV or MVA (or whatever place you go to, to get your license and tags and all that super fun stuff that makes you question your very existence while you wait in the seemingly never ending line and listen to a womans soft but slightly irritating voice call everyones number but yours until you want to pull your own teeth out and then you get called, lucky you, and you go to the teller only to find out you have the wrong form) type place; well whenever you go in there, knowing it will be at least a 15-20 minute wait (at the very least!) do you think to bring your babies in? Well, let's say you have oh i don't know, two kids. Both under the age of two, one closer to a newborn. Would you think "oh you know, I will just run in real fast and leave my kids strapped in their car seats while I just take care of some important documents real quick."
No?
Why not?
Oh cuz you have a heart?

That's nice, apparently this lady didn't.

So as I was leaving ( go me! My car is finally in my name, and my license has the right address and its horizontal now with a picture that isn't of me when I was 17, and I'm registered to vote, AND I have new tags and registration.. Gosh I am good!) We noticed two kids screaming crying with the windows cracked ( genius i tell you, the window down just low enough to let fresh air in and to also provide anyone with access to her kids or her car. Someone give her a badge)and I just can't believe how unbelievably stupid people just are. It shouldn't shock me but it does. My heart breaks a little every time someones stupidity puts children in danger. So as much as I would love to root for the human race, it's people like that who take up space and make me think we are all doomed.

I have many more observations but I think I will just start Observation Friday. Where I point out something that may or may not be poignant, relevant, or even observational but will certainly be comical, except for when stupid people do stupid things. Then I will have to rant like Peter Griffin with "You know what really grinds my gears".

..stay tuned.

You ain't seen nothin' yet.

2008-10-23T10:37:00.004-04:00

"Buh buh baby, you aint seen nothin yet."
Sorry I had to finish the lyric!

I haven't even had enough time to get on the computer and write that I don't have enough time to get on the computer and write. I kid you not.
Zazu does the most wonderfulicious Holiday Open House and it is upon us today. So all the days previous have been filled with Christmas tree decoratin' like you ain't never seen before. (Hence the title.) Seriously if you get a minute or 4 hours stop by Zazu and check out the incredibleness that we little girlish elves put together while you guys blinked.

Un freaking believable. If you can't get to us in person, then check back I will be posting pictures and showing you the magic we create. There is a whole gaggle of girls that have the magic touch and I am proud to be a part of this amazing team.

Now Merry Holidays and Happy Christmas and all that junk!

Back your voting ass up! But not into my front fender!

2008-10-17T08:05:00.001-04:00

I absolutely cannot stand to see people with bumper stickers ( no not the facebook kind, Mark Zuckerwhatshisface already took all the fun out of those bumper stickers) and yard signs telling me who they are voting for.

Yup, I said it. Get your stinkin' vote, out 'o my face!

I don't ask you to put up a sign whether you spank your kids or not. ( well because we all know you do. You left the windows open on Sunday night. But don't worry your secret is safe with me.)
I don't ask you to tell me which grocery store you frequent. ( Because I like Giant, and no matter how pristine Bloom is, they don't have shit there.)
And I certainly don't ask you to put in window paint your favorite movie.
(Because you've already told me your kid is an honor roll student and I lost interest.)

Why the hell do you think I give a crap about who you are voting for?

All I want to do is steal your lawn sign. (I have contemplated it a time or twelve trust me.) Rip it into tiny little shreds and shout that I am voting for the complete opposite of your flamboyant choice.
Do they (lawn sign people) seriously think that my vote is wavering and if I see my neighbor with a yard sign for Obama that I am going to go " Oh! I love Tammy, she is a great woman and I really trust her judgment. I think I am going Obama now."

Eh Eh. ( when I get my new digital camera I will load a video of exactly how this sound is perfected. You can start by wagging your finger, just once.)

It's not about one party or the other, either. I am equally annoyed by both displays of "someone should give a shit what I think so I am gonna stick it on my corolla bumper as I cut you off in traffic" ass

Well guess what, I want to vote twice. One vote for each candidate. To equally disappoint the other. ( Spiteful? Me? Noooo..!)

Any maybe this is all me, I have a severe issue with being told what to do.
I don't like missionaries (with all the "this God saved me and you can too!" schtick) and I don't like your bumper sticker in my face and I really don't like those people who keep their stickers on their car way past the previous election. (oh they kill me!)
Guess what people?!

*** Spoiler Alert!***

Kerry and Edwards are over. ( They didn't win)
Bush and Cheney are on their way out. (See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!)

On second thought maybe we use this tactic for politicians. Like they all have to put a bumper sticker on their car as to their votes for every bill and law and proposition they have voted for so we can actually track their records. Like if you see McCain driving next to Dubya and you see each of their votes and it turns out McCain only votes with Bush 88% of the time. (Not the widely reported 90%.)

I meaaaannn, might make a difference right?

Oh? No?? It won't?

Yeah neither will you effing yard sign.

No go cut your grass, it looks atrocious.

Oh wait, that's just political bullshit you spilled all over it. Go to Lowe's get some weed killer and it should be fine by December.

wanna know who I am voting for?

..stay tuned.

I quit.

2008-10-16T09:28:00.001-04:00

"so wanna hear about my newest love interest?" I ask my younger brother (who doubles as my best friend, when he isn't farting or snoring of course,then he is my greatest enemy)

"what is he like 85?" (valid question I suppose)

"Nope, but close" I answer

"Okay what like 40?" He asks again.

Without a word he looks at my face, sees the grin and flips his lid.
"what?!? are you serious?! I'm not talking to you anymore" And instantly he is gone.

My brother tells me all about his crazy life, why can't I tell him about mine? True the entire family was less than thrilled with my last boyfriend. Who just so happened to be 32. When I was 22.
So what?
I cannot help who I am attracted to! Right?!

Well after that didn't work. (my father affectionately referred to him as a pedophile within seconds of meeting him)Wonder why?

Before him there were other 30 somethings.. even before I was in my twenties.
(I am sensing a pattern here!)

Then came... a 30 something with 3 kids. Oh wait no. There was a 34 year old with 2 kids in Germany or wherever he was stationed.Then there was 3 kid guy. Who was super effing cute. And even let me drag him on the dance floor where his old guy moves did nothing for him except win points in my head for letting me drag him there in the first place. Found out he was closer to 40's and I am really not trying to be a step mom.

But somehow I am caught up with the 40 year old who may or may not have 6 kids. WHAT?!?
Did I cross the line of acceptable?
Who knows. ( seriously do you know, does anyone know? Is there a pill I can take?)
But I continue on my quest to figure out why I am not attracting twenty somethings. There is one that I work with...but damnit if he doesn't already date another girl I work with. Bitch. (I meeaaannnn)

Then there is the twenty something with his feet solidly on the ground (and stepping in piles of money)and just dorky enough to make you love him and just smart enough to make you hate him. Shocker we seem to have exact opposite schedules.

What is it with my life? Love is blind, uh huh. My heart knows no bounds, I get it. Blah Blah Blah.

I am tired of questioning myself. Will somebody just sweep me off my feet already?
And please for God's sake lie to me and tell me you are 29, for a while at least. Then you can drop the bombshell about the immense baggage you have.

I'm tired. I quit.

...stay tuned.

Eco- friendly

2008-10-15T10:11:00.003-04:00

I have been very aware, and eco-friendly for a while. Going green and organic and all that jazz but this time by eco I mean economy.

Welcome to the end of the world. I mean the end of 2008. (Seems like the same thing right?)

We are all paying a bit more attention to our spending habits and our lifestyles these days. So when I stumbled upon Bossy's Poverty Party I thought it to be a great time to start actually doing something. If I can't better the world just yet maybe I can better my own forecast in life. (for now ya know, 'til I sew up the cape and start saving the rest of the world.)

I am very fortunate to be where I am right now because had I been living anywhere else while this economic crunch is going on I may have had to go live with... gasp!

My parents. No just kidding. I would live on the streets before I would go back to their houses.(Totally love them, but from far away. Far far away.)

So yesterday I go to the grocery store, with the intention of buying milk and deodorant. That is all I needed. Let me stress that I had chicken out waiting to be cooked and probably enough other food options to last me a week at the very least. Hearty, healthful food options, not like ramen noodles and some left over saltines. ( I mean I am out of college, I should probably never have to live like that again right?)

And yet. I walked out of there 85 bucks poorer.
I told myself that I was going to clip some coupons and get only what I needed from now on.(two weeks ago, after a shopping trip)

Well my needs are clearly defined by anything that looks yummy at any given moment during the aisle sweeps. I have a tendency to start at one end of the store and go through each and every aisle because, well... I don't know what I want.

I know what I needed.
Milk and deodorant.
But did I really expect to walk out of there with just those two things? Has anyone EVER done that? Walked in for a handful and walked out without a cart full?

Not possible in my world. Now I love making decisions for other people. Quick. Easy. And seemingly rationaled.(not a word, I know, but go with it) For myself it is much harder. There is no logic behind some of my choices and therefore the grocery store hits a weakness.
I have no specific reasons why the boca burger looks especially good this week when for the last 2 months I have not purchased one. In fact, I don't think (besides milk) that anyone could look in my pantry or fridge and predict what I was going to buy the next time I was in a grocery store.

So for my Poverty Party contribution to my own well-being I am going to seriously.

Make a list.

Check it twice.

And find out whose been naughty or... Wait that's Santa.

First I am going to make a list and stick to it. Limit myself to what is written on a slip of paper that I no doubt will have lost between getting in the car and out of it. If I forget something then I will have to put it on my list for next time.

Totally possible. (laughing hysterically in my head)

And another favor I am going to try to do for myself is keep my change. I switched to a teensy tiny little coach purse (given to me for Christmas 2 years ago, never would have bought it myself, don't worry!) And there is no room for my super cute change purse thingy. So I have been neglecting my change and its' whereabouts.

Turns out.

I can clean my car for the amount of change I have in my car! It was a lovely experience yesterday. And even though some people (JEN!) think that because yesterday it was cleaned then today is the day it starts to become unclean again. (And I know I told you all about just how messy my car was, it isn't always like that. Geez! Have faith people!)

Well I am going to keep a clean car. Keep my change. Make a list and stick to it.

Heck! What else can I do to better my life today?

...stay tuned.

Organize me.

2008-10-10T11:35:00.002-04:00

There is a Good Charlotte song titled "motivate me" and it used to ring true for me back when I was an angst ridden teenager. Or an early twenty something that still looks like she is fourteen. (Oh wait , that's me now.)

But I would now re-title the song "Organize me" because that's really what I need in my life. Pathetically there are things in my life that just never get done.

I can't believe I am going to admit this but I took my bike with me for my triathlon way back at the end of May. I had to take it apart to get it into my car since I don't have a bike rack (like all the cool kids...come to think of it I don't have a road bike like all the cool kids either. Damn cool kids and their stuff)

Put it back together for the race. Obviously.

Took it apart shortly after for the ride home.

It is now sitting in Jen's garage with no front tire. The piece to connect the front tire is in my car somewhere.

Wait!

Don't go looking for it!

You might die in there!
Seriously I will have to find a long branch from a vine-y tree ( think Wesley in the Princess Bride when Buttercup falls into the quicksand.) so that when you start to suffocate under everything I can pull you from your ultimate death.

Here is a quick list of things I know are in there.. and mind you I am inside the house about 30 yards from my car at this moment of recall.

*A guitar.(i take lessons, or did, not since I started working two jobs, and yes the guitar is still in my car.. it provided me with endless amounts of fun last Monday when I drove my brother and his drunkie friend home. Boy can't sing Karaoke but give him a guitar to strum and he busts out like a better Scott Stapp and with sicker rhymes!)

*Flip Flops

*Server apron

*Multiple cups and bottles of water.

*Oh! A whole new case of bottled water (and I will use the chilling weather as an excuse to why I never take it out of my back seat!)

*A grass skirt.

*A Map of Virginia ( I never get lost so it's of no use to me.)

*ESPN Magazine with MP on the cover. (He's my boy and next time I'm back in Bmore he is totally signing it!)

*An accordion file folder (have NO idea what's inside)

*A spoon ( My car was semi- recently broken into and nothing was stolen. Or nothing that I could tell. The cop was utterly disgusted by my sloppy tendencies and he picked up a spoon and asked me if I had any immediate use for it... Jerk... The answer was no but those little "what ifs" always pop up!!)

*Probably a car insurance bill or twelve. ( I can't be bothered to put things in the mail so I end up paying over the phone every time.)

...I won't go on, you get the point. I am in desperate need for a person or team to come organize my life. I have found that no matter how pretty the organizer I will toss it aside eventually. I may be more inclined to use a pretty file folder over a plain black one (the one in my car is black!) and I may be more inclined to hang up all my clothes if the hangers were pretty. But I've got about 30 to 40 empty plain white boring hangers and piles and piles of clothes from my bed to my dresser that are waiting to be hung up.

Now I had the genius idea that there should be one person to be your shoe consultant. Like they study your foot and they go to a shoe store with you and explain why flats may be in but you aren't allowed to wear them. Since you have flat caveman feet. And you are only 5 foot tall so you need every inch you can get...or something like that.

Anyway why can't I have an organizational consultant. That doesn't cost a million dollars of course. And they are with me to tell me that no matter how pretty that Vera Bradley Day Planner is, my lazy ass will NOT write in it.

and then they flip out their organizer and tell me I have a 2 o'clock and they run to get me my Starbucks and we are on our merry way.

WHat?!? They have those? It's called a personal assistant? And you have to be rich or famous or important even in the slightest to have one?

Dangsies. Well I do have the day off, I suppose I could get out of my sweatpants and go clean out my car. And my room. And take things to storage. And do more laundry. And... make pumpkin cookies and go running? Holy crap this is starting to overwhelm me.

I think I will just make the cookies.
Everyone loves Betty Crocker and no one knows whether she was organized or not!

...stay tuned.

Blog'on Mad

2008-10-08T11:57:00.000-04:00

This blog has transformed the way I think. I now think in terms of posts. All day every day.I have about 12 thousand and 86 new ideas each day.

Trouble is, there aren't enough mediums to put down all of those ideas for later usage. They get gobbled up into my brain hopefully to be recycled again at a later date where I will proclaim them genius once again and hope that I am within arms length of a computer or away it goes one more time. (i'm not sure how many times they recirculate before it's gone forever)

In between the those gem posts you get a posting about one's boring weekend.

Apologies all around.

Unless you liked it, which would make me a literary genius trapped in a tiny little 23 year olds body prancing around as a waitress and sales girl.

Yeah, didn't think so.

Bear with me, I swear there are more nuggets of wisdom and witty life observances tucked away in my every day life.

..stay tuned.

A Weekend Away

2008-10-07T18:00:00.005-04:00

While my weekend was spent in the same cozy little town I always reside in, I felt like I was away.( My brain took a vacation that's for sure) My best friend was in town though(oh thank goodness!) and I had to work every minute that wasn't being spent with her.

It turned out to be a weird weekend. Clearly why I am sitting here on this Tuesday still thinking about the events that took place in the last 72+ hours.

Friday she rolled into town and I met her at a restaurant where the host politely told me that my friends were waiting for me and pointed me in a direction. I asked him how he knew and he laughed and nodded again in that direction. So I started walking.

He was wrong.

Assumed I was with the other 20 something girls at a round table. When in actuality my friends were my best friend and her parents. I love that he laughed at me though, like an I'm that good so don't ask me how I know kind of laugh.
Idiot.

Side note:They did have fabulous Margaritas though. And that is really how I judge a restaurant. I am a Margarita snob. Love Sweet Water for their food but their margaritas are shit. Ted's Montana Grille, apparently has a much better recipe. I however, have the best recipe of all. If you are lucky one of these days I will share it with you.
It is to die for. And I can only thank Denise for bringing it into my life.
But shhhh.. I like to take credit for passing this recipe around!

Back to the story...

we went out to apparently my favorite place V5( I say apparently because I am there every damn day but I really think of it no better than any other local joint, my brother just happens to work there and I go there a lot. Okay?!)
She and I have a drink there and then head to meet some friends at the Sports Theatre. Which is exactly why it was a snoozer. You shouldn't go there if there aren't any big games to watch. I almost fell asleep in her tall ass glass of beer. We drove home and Friday night came to a sleepy close.I wasn't sure I was going to get to spend any more time with her.

She was going to a wine festival (how classy) and I was going to work (how boring) on Saturday. And though she was to make it home by 7 that night there was no reason to believe that she would make it anywhere else but home after that. (There are stories of other wine festivals to back up this notion)

So when she sat in my section at the restaurant later that evening it was a nice surprise. The entire evening had been anything but pleasurable before her arrival.

Blame it on homecoming. Stupid high schoolers. (only kidding I love all God's children... haha kidding again)(Seriously though, who forgets to put a tip down? Seven of you just ate for 95 dollars, where is the rest of daddy and mommy's money?! I didn't do this just to make sure your night was special...but I'm sure it was anyway, the way girls are dressing these days! When did I become old and conservative? Sheesh!)

Anyway, after work I met her at her place and watched SNL.

Okay so let's recap. Boring Friday. Boring Saturday. And now on to Sunday.

Oh and I work, now that's a surprise! (again, I know I have no room to complain I have taken on two jobs and should expect to work every day all day right?! Great.)

Luckily brunch was slow and I got off just in time to don my jersey and head up to the sports bar and watch my game. It ended, and sadly.The 3 and half quarters we had lead the game disappeared in the last minutes.
I was less than thrilled.

To make matters worse the hometown team had taken the lead and we all know that every win brings them closer to the likely hood of a Super Bowl ring right? Yeah, well try telling the fans that isn't exactly the case.

So I had to hustle out of that place before I blew a head gasket (see: previous post about being a good sport.. hint: I'm not.)
I went home and watched more football and fell asleep.

My best friend left town.

End of weekend.

Except I never have specific weekends so I am going to include yesterdays shenanigans in my weekend recap.

Work at the restaurant as usual, mess up, get lousy tips and head out before anyone notices. Meet the girls at Vintage 50 and start the birthday celebrations!

Met the rest of the crew at another place and really started the birthday celebration for a few people.

Then I watched the birthday girl slip into the worlds quickest drunk-fest mode.

And I was keeping an eye on a certain goal of mine. (Yes, I refer to men as goals)
He definitely kept me guessing because he starts hooking up with a co-worker. What?@! He's taken? Oh well, guess he is off the "I must conquer" list.
Or is he?
Did he just grab my scarf and pull me in close?
Did I catch him eyeing me through out the night?

Yes and yes. So is he off the list or what? I can't decide.

But now I am getting texts about Birthday girls lunacy that didn't end with her calling everyone bitches and flicking everyone off. She quit today.

After the penis pops(or cocksicles, whichever you prefer), the tiara, the birthday sash, the drinks, the shots and the karaoke we sang to her she ended up getting belligerent and using those hands for evil and not good. Bad birthday girl, bad. So back to Pennsyltucky she goes.

See, and this why I don't define the weekend by certain days. Craziness can happen at any moment. And there, in a simple Monday was hiding the excitement I had been looking for all weekend.

You do know that right?

2008-10-07T17:29:00.001-04:00

DNR

2008-10-03T17:07:00.003-04:00

Holy weather report Batman! I seriously have to learn to take 5 minutes and check out the weather each day. Instead I usually like to look out my bedroom windows and take a guess as to how I should dress in accordance to how I think it feels outside. (think being the keyword here)

I woke up today, (nice and slow because I don't have to be anywhere today!!) and I took a look outside and saw the wind blowing. I assumed it was just as cold as it was yesterday so the little spandex and Ravens zip up weren't going to cut it.
Back into the closet I go.

...I take a look and pick my super soft VT sweatshirt and the thickest pair of Jeans I can find. Did I mention that I hate the cold?
Anywho.
I step outside to go run some errands before my BFF gets here and

BAM!

Hello nice weather. Hello warmth. Hello stuffy leather interior.
And bye bye sweatshirt.

Underneath luckily I had the always classy wife beater on. I was headed to Wal-Mart so I guess it's better that I wear the attire of the indigenous people. So as not to stick out while I am there, I like to remain undetected in that place. (At times it can be rather scary just walking through those doors, but that is a whole 'nother blog)

On my way I see what I have determined to be one of the more hilarious things in recent times. Mostly because it pertains to my life in a sad, real way.
A car in front of me has one of those bumper magnets. Oval shaped white magnet with black letters and a black outline. It's on a jeep of some sort. I see the letters

DNR
.. and I think to myself. Where the hell is that place?
I have seen OBX and for the locals OCM but DNR?

Then I think... "do not resuscitate"? Which the year of nursing school taught me stood for DNR.

Oh. My. God.
I need one of those stickers.

...for my car!
Seriously I love my car. It is a lovely Dodge Stratus (refer to Will Ferrell skit on SNL)
It is 10 years old and has been, well, resuscitated a couple of times. (WAY more than I can even count)
I can't even begin to explain the seemingly random and always disastrous events that have happened to me while driving that car. Nothing that hasn't made me a better person today (and way more equipped, flat tire? got it. Dead Battery? No problem. Overheating? Seriously I can handle anything now)

But I digress, this post was more about the comedy of the situations my car has put me in (not the severity of life and death situations it has also put me in) So to me a huge "DNR" sticker on my car would be so appropriate.

Because after a new transmission, some major engine fixes, huge alignment issues, 3 blown tires and possessed wiper blades I think it may be time to put my car to rest if and when (please be later rather than sooner!) it finally has another misadventure. Bessy,(Which is what I name all my cars) has been good to me. Especially for what I paid for her. But if she suffers another mishap I think it's time to get her to sign a "DNR"

...stay tuned.
Off for another fabulous friday, if Morgan would get here already!

My ipod failed me.

2008-10-02T10:35:00.003-04:00

Off for another run this morning. Gosh I feel good!
But I have to keep fidgeting with my ipod.

Next song.

Next song.

This one isn't bad....wait, no... next song.

Who the heck put these songs on here?
...dangit bobby, that was me. What the hell was I thinking? These aren't working out songs! Everybody knows you need to create a very specific list of well crafted tunes to put on a workout play list.Oh silly Brookie.

I just tossed like 40 songs on there to try it out.
The dilemma is that I no longer have access to my Itunes. It is on my computer and my computer is sitting in a box in my closet with no internet connection to speak of. And now I will be forced to listen to those crappy songs, over and over again. OR (say it really loud) I could just stop working out again! (Bad Brooke, triathletes can't be this lazy!)

So if we are keeping count that is two. Yup two ipods that have failed me now. The first one is an ancient decrepit ipod mini (remember those? Mini? Ha! That thing is HUGE compared to the one I have now!) And that lasted me a couple months before the audio jack output (the small one at the top) no longer wanted to work with ear buds. The audio jack for an I-home (the big one at the bottom) ...is just fine. So that sucker is permanently stuck on my kitchen cabinet hanging ihome. Which was great last year when I had kitchen cabinets to hang it from and a kitchen all my own. (Well I shared it with 3 other girls but they quickly learned that loud music in the kitchen is not an option in my life, thanks mom.)

And yet now I have the perfect running buddy, a teensy tiny little nano, with a crappy play list. (Why can't I have the play list that is on my own blog?!)

So ask me how far I got in my run today. Wait no, don't ask, don't tell. Right?

And I have started a new game to pass the time while switching between bad songs....
Squirrel Displacement Count (how many squirrels lives I can interrupt by running on the path.)
Yesterday I got to 5 and today was only 2.
Like I said.
NOT a good run day.

The really superb part of everything though is that my bestest bestie best lover friend is coming home tomorrow. Oh Morgie, how I missed thee. So, fat and slow I may be but without a best friend this weekend I will not be! I can only assume the fabulous Fridays tradition will continue tomorrow as planned!

...stay tuned.

Rock the Vote

2008-09-30T15:12:00.002-04:00

i love good old fashioned comedy!

Bitter isn't Pretty

2008-09-30T11:17:00.003-04:00

How oh how can I learn to be a good sport?
My team lost last night.

And it's freaking killing me. I thought about how I have a severe inability to ever do anything on a grand stage because I HATE losing. Seriously. Hate it.

But maybe because I know I had no part in it. Just a couch potato (not really I was busting my ass at work serving people while they cheered for the damn Steelers.) rooting for my team.

Clearly you can see I am a little bitter. And it isn't something that looks good on a happy little girl like me. I play the loud, over-animated, curse like a sailor catch people off guard cuz I am really a sweet faced little girl role really well. I don't think I can take on the role of the crazy girl who gets salty every time a sports team loses. I make fun of those people. But how can I love my teams ( Go O's ) and have passion for them without being upset the next day that they lost to the slimy, baby Ben led Steelers?

I can't! But I have to. ( <----Bi polar moment right there!)
I have to learn to move on. Right? My brothers are huge fans too. They don't seem bothered by it. A win is a win and a loss is a loss. ( baaaaaloooney! , or would it be balloooggnna!?)

I have been told that my knowledge of football and desire to do nothing else but watch it on Saturdays (college), Sundays and Mondays (and sometimes Thursdays) is sexy. Seriously, I am a cute girl so I think that it isn't typical to have a girl who will watch football all day with a guy and know what is going on and at least some members of every team playing. So where does sexy end and spazz begin?

I guess on a Tuesday morning when your team has lost and it affected you so much your Facebook status has been altered around the angry sentiment.

Fine call me a spazz, an over zealot fan,I will take it. As long as my Ravens get to 8 wins this season. (Recall the bet with former Redskin Brian Mitchell)

...stay tuned.

Run Forrest...

2008-09-29T15:07:00.005-04:00

I went running today. Oh I love being able to say that.
It has been weeks (more than I would like to admit) since I have laced up my shoes and set out to pound the pavement.

Today.

I did it. Now I know I told you I am a triathlete but sometimes ya just get lazy, or busy, or worse... both. I the bearer of two jobs have been busy but I the triathlete have also been lazy.

Luckily in the new pad that I am living there is a glorious path behind the house. It is a wide gravel path. It is lined with trees and therefore shaded perfectly. It is the end of September but the heat can still get to you.

Along the path are always nature's wonders but today I was stopped by one in particular. Literally I stopped running and stood in awe. It was a gorgeous bird. Maybe a blue heron? I am no bird watcher so I don't know but it's things like that that make a good run worthwhile. Not the exercise. That's an added bonus but to get to see things like that are little treats.
I have to work on getting back into the gym (I mean I am paying 35 dollars a month to feel like a fat lazy workaholic right now.) But until then I am going to get back on that path. Who knows maybe I will pick up a new hobby of bird watching ( yeah cuz that's what I need, a new hobby, I definitely don't have enough) ...stay tuned.

Monday Morning Madness

2008-09-29T10:44:00.003-04:00

Have you opened a newspaper today? And I am speaking to my Washington area readers.

Holy Cow it's like the second coming of Christ. Which to most Redskins fans, a win over the Cowboys in their own house, pretty much is. Short of a Superbowl win (which these suckers have been clamoring for since the last one...83975346 years ago.)

I love it and I hate it. I am by no means a Redskins fan. I hail from good ol' Balmer hon. (translated that's Baltimore, Maryland)
I am a die hard Ravens fan. But to not congratulate this team and its fans (because obviously they have something to do with that win.) would be downright ignorant. I can move past the blurry lines of fan-dom and reach out my hand to a Redskins fan and say... "good win" (Besides my best friend is a die hard skins fan, and I love her so I have to love her interests too, even though she was born in Texas)

Part of me is celebrating the win because my ex-boyfriend is a HUGE Cowboys fan. SO rubbing it in is fun. Luckily we are still friendly( in the I don't want to give a shit about you anymore so I am going to be cordial until I no longer need an ounce of what you think to validate me, then I will be completely done with you, and thusly, no longer friendly sort of way) And since that is the case I hope he can take a joke. I posted some schtick on his MySpace or Facebook wall about him and every other Cowboys fan not killing themselves. Just yet at least.

Besides the cowboys/skins game I am more excited about what tonight may bring. Another W for my Ravens. MNF vs. the Steelers. We got this one. I am "Wacco for Flacco" (I didn't come up with it!)

The downside of Mondays.. I have to work tonight. Most Mondays it is sllloooowww. So I can only hope that I can get out of there before the game starts. Speaking of work. Shouldn't it be sacrilegious to work on Sundays? I mean I took the Sunday morning shift thinking I would be able to get out of there by the time most football was on and not over. Wrong. I got my butt kicked on the patio last night. I enjoyed it after I calmed down a bit. But who knew my busiest shift would be a Sunday morning. Doesn't hold much hope for the rest of the season when my team will be playing at 1pm or 4pm.
Dangsies.

The good thing about football?(and what holds most fans together).. is that there is always next season. I am still counting on my Baltimore boys to do some damage this season, I just have to realize I won't be able to see all of their games. Or the other 31 teams that play. I guess I have to get over that when I took two jobs.

...stay tuned.

Fix-It Girl.

2008-09-26T10:51:00.009-04:00

You're 12. And you have a super fabulous imagination. (Go with it.)

What would your super hero power be?

Now flash back to real life.

You're in 2008. You've got some not so super powers. What are they? What are you really? If you were a real life hero. Good, bad or ugly(I guess they aren't all heroes then but again, go with it.)

I would be... Fix-It Girl.

An unschooled, untrained slightly napoleon complexed little girl who ran around trying to patch things up. Prevention. Not my forte.

But once it's broken? Oh boy, oh boy. Let me at it. I will tell you everything thats wrong. And attempt.(usually failing miserably) to put the pieces back together.

The problem is.... I really am a bit like this. In real life you cant just put back the pieces. Humpty Dumpty doesn't get back up again. And I am NOT all the kings horses and all the kings men.

In relationships... this is where I falter most. I find the damaged, the weak (be careful, they parade around as the hot strong ones with big muscles) and as Tia said.. the "wounded-bird-boy-soul". Not all so apparent at first.

The last one...
He wasn't this sad sap looking to be saved. (To be fair, none of them are really, that's why it never works... (duh! that should be my moment of clarity right there!)) But he was a brooding, self sufficient, too proud, stubborn, southern gentleman. What I thrived on most was our differences. ( let me be clear, it's what I and I alone thrived on.)

I woke up every morning loving the fact that we could watch the same news or same whatever and have different views about it all. We were sensitive to each other's feelings. (At first) We debated about the world, about our own lives, about how our paths could have really crossed.

Pause. To amend that last statement. They never really crossed. We merely had paths that were close by each other that went along the same route for about...30 seconds... and we hopped back and forth on each other's path until it was time to part ways and go back to our own lives. It was in the cards, we were never meant to spend much time together. I know this and somehow I have a soft spot for him still. I think it's respect. He was an unwaivering soul who had a passion burning inside him and that was sexy as hell. But guess what, his passion wasn't for me. And I have been told that from a summer fling (but what the hell does he know?!) that what I really wanted was to see was a fire for me. Oh now, that's shocking. I've been read fairy tales all my life, forgive me for wanting a freaking prince charming!

Un-pause. Back to me wanting to save the world. Sadly. It just seems I enter into impossible situations on purpose. The crazier the better.
Because I am the calm drama-free one. I can bring a sense of sanity into these guys lives. Right?

Ehhhhhhhhhhhh (hear a loud obnoxious buzzer)

Let me give you examples. (Mostly so you can laugh at how ridiculous I am.)

*Over 30. Has to be. It seems to be a rule. They don't all look it but they all are.

**Crazy love life drama... for example, in the middle of a separation, or has 3 kids, or is caught up on the ex.

***Got Baggage...i.e. kids, crazy ex, life in ruin,work drama, mommy issues etc.

****The quiet more reserved type, that seem to be attracted to the younger crazy loud girl who loves life. (Me)
Still don't understand that one yet. I get why I am attracted to them. But why the hell are they falling for me? (Because they want to be saved right? Oh will I ever learn?)

So in the end, it seems as though I have diagnosed my problem. I am fix-it girl. I can;t however, even fix my own fix-it obsession. For now I will stay single. Until an unsuspecting little girls gets lured into a relationship that is broken beyond repair...before she's even met him.

Dangsies.

...stay tuned.

Things that go bump in the night..

2008-09-25T17:41:00.007-04:00

My absolute favorite time of year is upon us. No not fall. Beautiful, yes but I am much more of a beach bum, so summer is my favorite season. But.. wait for it.

Halloween!

Everyone with a skull fetish (slash obsession) loves this time of year. The creepier, the better. Bring on the black. Boo! to me and Boo! to you. Gosh I love it!

I don't even have a house to decorate and I am buying decorations. Last year I was able to have a small get together. I went ALL out. Decorations galore. Tombstones, cob webs, fog machines, nooses (that can't be right?!), black streamers, pumpkin pie (sore subject, thanks Micky.), Gob cake in the shape of a life sized pumpkin. (For real. Sean's mom is amazing.) I aspire to have her baking prowess one day. I've already perfected the 5 minute key lime pie recipe she lent me!

Anyway. being a basement dweller provides an interesting predicament when it comes to halloween this year.
What's not out of the question at 23?...Dressing up!

Wanna know what I am going to be?
Well I am one of the most indecisive people on this planet. (except of course when making decisions for other people!) So this may change but I think it's a good one.

I believe you may have seen a little commercial where a lovely lady poses the question:

"Dirty mouth?"

and then proclaims
"Clean it up!"

and ends it all with a lovely smile and says "For a good clean feeling, no matter what."

Watch her in action...

Yup, the Orbit Lady. Love her and love to do accents (ask Morgan, it drives her UP a wall!)
Perfect! And I promise... I will never dress up as a sexy devil, or angel or cop or anything that you can find all packaged up or that 12 million other girls have done. (wag of the finger, "eh eh")

But my all time favorite part of this festive fun?
The magazines dedicated to fun and fabulous decorations and home made treats. I fully intend to celebrate every single year for the rest of my life. Halloween will be a love passed on to my children.

Okay, sorry I had a moment there. Maybe not to that extent, but I definitely want to have a few more costume parties in my life that get more and more spectacular each time. So the more that Southern Living , Martha Stewart and every other mag out there that dedicates at least one edition to Halloween is alright by me. And I am sure I will own 8,000 by the time I do have kids.

Blame my mom for all of this though. It all started...

when she used to make my costumes.. I was a genie one year and she made it so I looked like I was flying on a magic carpet. No lie. I had leggings that were stuffed with newspaper and wrapped in a little pretzel (picture indian style) and sitting on a kitchen rug she somehow (she's a magician I swear)managed to have it stay up..cardboard maybe?
Then cut a hole and I put my body through it, so I could walk but it looked as though my legs were folded and smoothly flying about on my carpet.

How could you not instantly fall in love with a Holiday that elaborate that ends with a pillow case FULL of candy? (I may or may not have a super huge sweet tooth.)

So for now I am shopping at Zazu for my spider web candy baskets and glittery "Boo" signs and my skulls galore. Yay!

oh and if you are in the area... this haunted house was freaking amazing last year. I plan on doing a Haunted Tour this year so I can get in every haunted house within 30 miles!

...stay tuned.

Tri Me!

2008-09-24T11:33:00.007-04:00

Here in the triathlon world... it's a little competitive.
And how could it not be? We are not competing in one sport but three at a time! So you can't just be good at one and feel among the competition. You have to master all three to really be a competitor. And that is where I am right now.

No, no I am no master. I am merely at the point of realizing that you have to master all three.

Kinda like realizing you have a problem is the first step.
(Of a total of 12? Sheesh I got a ways to go!)

So maybe I have taken a few other steps, actually completing a Tri should be a big, huge first step. Or maybe the months of preparation are the first step? Or maybe just thinking about it and deciding to do one all those months ago was the first step?Either way, even though I have decided, trained and completed a Triathlon I still feel like I am in the beginning stages.

Which is quite alright with me. I just wish that with two jobs and winter approaching fast that I could find the time to get to... oh I don't know step.. two?

It's tough though. And for those of you who don't know me. I hate winter. I love snow. I hhhaaaatteee the cold. I get it from my mother. I will go play in snow all day long but if it is just cold outside, just cold... count . me . out.
Sleet, hail, all that yucky stuff. Hate it. So as fall is creeping in I am slowly realizing this is usually the time of year I go into hiding. (I believe it's called hibernation) I am even storing some extra poundage around my waistline (and thighs for that matter) just in case its a long winter.

So how do I struggle with the multiplying responsibilities of two jobs AND my usual winter hibernation WHILE staying in shape.

With a stack of magazines and a gym membership (where the used to recognize me and now would ask me for two forms of ID because it's been so long since I have been there) and plenty of places to run bike or swim, I still have yet to feel like I have crossed a threshold.

Because as I said, triathletes are competitive. They have to be, from the little sprint distance to the Iron Man crazies. Something in all of us (yeah I lumped myself in there!)

Oh and apparently now I gotta compete with celebrities getting in the mix. J.Lo really? She couldn't have stuck with singing, dancing, acting and fashion designing now she's gotta come into my world?Thank god I beat her time. Granted it was a little bit of a difference in length but I did the math. Still beat her. (Ha!)

Okay, so maybe it's me who is a bit on the competitive side. But after reading my own blog it seems as though I lack... motivation.(no way, not me! That is unfortunately not a surprising turn of events) The first one was easy, because I had never done it before. And it was crazy to those around me.
"what the heck is a tri-ath-a-lon?"(as most of them ask) So the fire was inside. But now what?

Do I strive to beat Matthew McCoughney's time? Yeah, yeah so the Hollywood hottie beat me by 20 minutes and he biked a couple extra miles. (dangit bobby) So what?
But that isn't enough to keep me going. I tried setting my sights on Olympic distance. All that did was send me running. For like a month I ran 3.5 miles, 3-4 times a week . Then, a wall. A big, fat, ugly "you can't do it" wall. That I have yet to figure out how to climb over.

And that is where I am right now.

...stay tuned.

By the way, last Friday was indeed fabulous and I have tons of Facebook pictures to prove it.
Now if I could only find my own digital camera so I can add pics to this blog!

Fabulous Fridays... my new tradition

2008-09-19T10:52:00.002-04:00

Here it is Friday morning (ish, 11am counts as the morning right?) and I can barely control my excitement. I have a fabulous party to attend tonight and I feel like it may be the first real "adult"party I have been to. Certainly not the last.

You know the kind where you dress up and think about your outfit for days and you think you should tell US weekly and People to all send their best paparazzi because you are going to be looking fan-fucking-tastic. The kind where you will walk through the door, on the guest list and leave your inhibitions behind you.

Well, let me rethink that. It is the Grand Opening of a bar in Baltimore my cousin partly owns I think. It is called Luckies Tavern and it has this mobster vegas-y kind of theme. How can this not be super fantastico?This is what twenty something girls dream of. This is what Sex and the City was made of. Holy Awesome Friday night Batman!

So let me go over my list and make sure I have everything I could possibly need for this night to be in the list of Fabulous Fridays.
*Have my digital camera. Uncheck. Dangsies where could it possibly be?!?

*On the guest list. Check

*Have a fabulous outfit to wear. Check..ish. Need shoes still. (Helloooo DSW!)

*Got a chunk of change in my pockets. Check(I doubt there will be an ounce of inexpensitivity, yup new word.)

*Have tons of friends who are also going. Check

*A fabulous cover band or two playing the whole night. Check (Mr. Greengenes is playing, enough said.)

*Have brothers in attendance so they can intimidate any guy who gets out of line that I can't scare away all on my own. Check

*Have a safe place to crash. Check... well we will see where the night takes me. It is nice weather tonight so the streets of Baltimore could be comfy! (Hey I've got a thing for Edgar Allen Poe maybe I want to see what life was like for him. )

Only Kidding.

Now see fabulous Fridays started on accident. And I just now came up with a name for them. Yes, just this moment they became fabulous and not "fierce" or "Effing amazing" or any other alliteration I could come up with.
The last two weekends, haven't really been weekends. Working two jobs I never seem to know what day it is. But it always seems to work out that Fridays I have open. And it just so happens that I decided I would wait for no one to have a good time on these Fridays because they seem to be my only day. So off I went to wherever I wanted to and I woke up Saturday mornings with a stupid grin on my face because I had a blast the night before and it was all on my own. I danced my little heart out and made tons of friends (or enemies if you consider a bet made with former Redskin Brian Mitchell: 100 bucks that the Ravens would get 8 wins this season, Former Redskin slash enemy but he was smiling) Either way, this Friday should continue the new tradition and I am super excited.

Oh and my mom ( who lives in Baltimore and gets to reap the benefits of a fabulous Friday taking place near the city.) is taking my 3 brothers and I out to Outback. If it ended there it would be a fabulous Friday!

Off to get new shoes... I will channel my inner Carrie and find the most elaborate piece of footwear to go with my new purple dress! (I am not very girly, except when it comes to shoes and I almost let out a squeal when I read that!)

..stay tuned.