100 truths...

100. I love strawberry flavored things
99. I have 4 brothers and 2 sisters ( I won't break it down into step, half or full because we've all been a part of each other's lives too long to not count them all as straight up siblings)
98. I have weird big toes and I am super insecure about them.
97. My love affair with the beach began when I was a kid with Ocean City, MD and anyone who trashes it verbally will be shot.
96. My oldest brother is an unbelievable soccer player and it kills me that he isn't playing pro right now
95. I was in People magazine. The one with baby Jessica on the cover. I won a contest for being cute in Osh Gosh B'Gosh clothes.
94. Since watching Matilda I have always wanted special powers.
93.I don't really like ice cream but if I am going to eat it, it better have cookies of some sort in it.
92. I have never had a cavity in my life and I eat more candy than should be lawful.
91. I also don't have health insurance so I don't go to the dentist a lot.
90. Laundry can be found in every crevice of my room, and I like it that way.
89. My favorite color is purple, or green, or orange, or yellow. Depends on the day. But definitely not red.
88. My parents got divorced before I hit double digits and I developed a heart murmur (smart child!) to get some attention.
87. I frequently won coloring contests as a child.And maybe that is why I have such an innate desire to "stay in the lines"
86. When given a microphone I act shy but am dying on the inside to belt out and WOW everyone.
85. This is a result of my parents whore-ing me out at the Carney Crab House to do Karaoke as a child.
84. My (22 year old) younger brother is one of my best friends
83. Harrowing car experiences have made me a better woman. I can change my oil, a tire and a window if I should so need to (again)
82. I have a very difficult relationship with my father, he is the greatest man I have known, while my likeness to him is the biggest obstacle I have had to overcome in my adult life.
81. I only buy costume jewelry because I will lose it no more than 3 months after I purchase it. ( Just bought a necklace and I have NO idea where it is)
80.I don't cry, like seriously ever. But that does not mean I am not a girly girl who wants to be swept up and twirled and dipped and absolutely overwhelmed with emotion.
79. Kids are my passion. ( In a non creepy way)
78. While skateboarding on my knees at my house on Nathan Court I broke my two front teeth.
77. I then proceeded to break them 6 more times. They are currently broken also, see # 91
76. When cooking something I like to put one small piece in first, like one macaroni noodle in before the water even boils.
75. My youngest (11 year old) brother is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Ever.
74. I will strive to have a marriage like that of my mother and my step father.
73. I wish I had stuck with dancing because I have it in my blood.
72. I swore I would never be a waitress and here I am today, a kick ass server at a Seafood restaurant.
71. Breakfast for dinner is by far the best dinner I could ask for.
70. I am the loudest person I know. And have been told so by at least 500 other people.
69. I credit my sexual repression to an early start in catholic school.
68. I dropped out of college, twice. And I am okay with that.
67. I have yet to learn that I am not the funniest, smartest or cutest girl in the room at all times.
66.I have never been in love.
65. I give my heart away at the drop of hat, so maybe I've loved everyone I've been with.
64. I used to be called Cinderella because I have an wicked step mother and two evil step sisters. But I've since found out they are more evil to each other, not so much to me..
62. I will never forget the day my mom told me she couldn't forgive me for going to Texas instead of going to her mothers funeral. I was 12.
61.I have a slight obsession with my Baltimore Ravens and there really is no point to life when football isn't on. (Sorry O birds)
60.My name means more to me than maybe it should, I will never change it. Married or not.!
59. I grew up with Michael Phelps and I will remain his biggest fan.
58. When I was living in California I had a pet bum, who lived outside my bedroom window. His name was Socks.
57. I keep putting off getting my tattoo because I am not sure I really want to be inked forever.
56. I would die without my best friend Morgan.
55. I have an obsession with palm trees.
54. I wish I never heard the phrase "jack of all trades master of nothing" because it alone has caused more damage in my development than any other single statement. I am learning to use it to my advantage.
53. My face is off limits. I have the most odd abhorrence to anyone putting their hands near my head neck or face. So don't because I turn green like the hulk.
52. I always did the worst in the classes that I was best at.
51. I don't like chocolate. At all. (unless it's over a candy bar)
50. I am a middle child and I always act like it.
49. I am dying to fall in love, messy or not I like a challenge
48. Triathlons were a lot easier when I hadn't done any yet.
47.I can remember sitting with my childhood friend Shannon and her parents discussing my wedding dress.
46. I don't think I will actually get married. Ever.
45. I was born to be a mother and I can't wait until I can snuggle my babies and grow them to be the most amazing people. Until then I will gladly take care of anyone else's children!
44. I used to have a fear of bridges, until I got over it. (pun intended)
43. I stood in line with my Step Dad for Nashville Star and when he didn't get called back I secretly wished death upon Billy Ray Cyrus and anyone involved with the passing of his talents.
42. I played soccer as a kid to be like my brother and dad.
41. All my life people have said I look like the girl who was in Andre, Corrina Corrina , Water World and more recently Napoleon Dynamite. I still don't know her name.
40. I have an uncanny ability to listen to and follow my intuition and it has yet to fail me.
39. I love being 5 foot tall.
38. Racial jokes are not funny to me and I will make it known.
37. I have never smoked anything in my life and I don't plan to.
36. If I could wake up tomorrow and be a nurse, I would be. But I dropped out of nursing school.
35. I am deathly afraid of failure.
34. I am also scared of the dark. Still. At24.
33. I want to change someones life for the better and know about it.
32. When my nails grow long and are well manicured a change in my life is about to come.
31. I have an attraction to 30 somethings and my Dad called the last one a pedophile.To his face.
30. I refuse to be "that" girl and keep changing my definition of who or what exactly "that girl" is.
29. I have intimacy issues. See above #31
28. Crossing the finish line of my first triathlon was supposed to make me feel incredible but I actually felt nothing.
27. Playing the "name game" with my Dad as a kid was one thing that saved us from the torturous rides back and forth to each parents house in Maryland and Virginia.
26. A friend of mine got raped in middle school and I remember not being scared but instead thinking she was stupid.( She was drinking )
25. There is nothing better in this world to me than celebrating a birthday.
24. Milk is probably my favorite drink, but I don't like it ice cold.
23. Skulls are an obsession of mine and I fear it will manifest into me covering my body with skull tattoos and becoming an actual pirate.
22. Is my favorite slash lucky number.
21. I refuse to make a New Year's resolution or give something up for lent.
20. I am truly happy when those around me are happy.
19. I have spent a great deal of my being, on creating myself to be a girl who is unlike any other. That is what keeps me ticking.
18.I don't hold grudges I get over things so so so easily. Just don't rile me up in the first place, it seems like I am going to jump out of my skin and kill someone but I do NOT know how to NOT be at level 100. At all times.
17. My long hair is part of who I am and that is a HUGE reason why I want to cut it off, just as other people start defining me by it. ( i recently cut it shoulder length with bangs and people went ape shit telling me this is the hair style for me... We will see.)
16. When people spell things wrong it irritates the crap out of me.
15. I took Spanish for 8 years of my life and I can barely speak it now.
14. My dog Summer was by far the best pet I have ever had and my pretty much emotionless older brother was devastated by her death, and thereby solidified the fact that she was indeed, the greatest.
13. My insight and wisdom are far beyond my years but for some reason I am no better off in life because of it.
12. I have no filter when it comes to speaking my mind. I have a lot of friends because of it.
11. I wore Mickey and Minnie mouse spandex in fifth grade.
10. Reading books and writing poetry was how I learned to escape at an early age.

9. I want to live on an exotic beach but could never move away from my family.

8. Chick flicks are the worst thing ever. Again, I don't cry.
7. My step brother used to say the words "crap" and "damn" when we were younger and I would scold him, I now curse like a sailor.
6. Because of my upbringing in a catholic school I will never force that upon my children.
5. Since I can remember I have avoided taking showers every day.
4. I have embodied everything I ever criticized about my mother.. (i.e. she hates the cold, the way she flips her long hair, her strong legs.)
3.My sister threw a punch at me ( and landed it) years ago and it has changed the way I look at life.
2. My dad used to yell at me when I couldn't swallow a pill when I was a kid and sick. I will now forgo pills until I am knocking on death's door.
1. I only make to do lists if I have already completed 50 percent of the things on the list. Except my list of 100 things to do before I die.

Rockin my Sienna Millers and watchin' em drop like flies 7.15.2008

Rockin my Sienna Millers and watching them drop like flies...
Current mood: giddy

So I had this thought all weekend that I was going to write this blog about.. sexuality and the power of sexy words and the the differential of their usage. Which I still am in a roundabout way.
However. I had THE MOST incredible weekend that I may ever have. So in turn I must write about how elated I am at the moment and the events that led up to this jubilation!
Surprise surprise the icing on the cake is that I met someone this weekend. Of course as usual I am reluctantly head over heels giddy and gushing about him. I met him just hours after arriving in Dewey... (how can I not love that place?)
We got ready and headed to the Starboard. Good ol' Starboard. The girls and I.. meaning Morgan of course and my new friend Laura Christ haha. Walked in VIP which is always a good start to the night. Laura had met some friends and wanted us to hang out with them. They were a crowd of gay men. Well... not the typical gay men. You couldnt tell most of these guys were gay. Especially the 6 foot 4 New York cop. He ended up being my favorite. Shocker, I found a way to pick a fight with the biggest guy there and he turns out to be my new best friend. Anyway, there I was, running my mouth;making people laugh and pissing people off all at the same time. But God do I live for the moment when people are taken aback by my words and then proclaim " I like her , she's fiesty" that and any similar phrase is like music to my ears. So while doing that and shaking my ass to the "good" songs I stumble upon a super cute guy who starts talking to me. Well hours later he is proclaiming his love for me and I can just feel the genuineness of his words. It sounds stupid but to hear " God, you are sexy" is such a high. I felt good that night but it's amazing what one persons words can do to you. The point I am trying to make is that earlier in the night I had a random guy come up to me on the street and tell me that my "tits are fantastic" ... think that guy got a reaction from me? No, a simple thank you and I was on my way. He wasn't sincere in any fashion. Well maybe he did honestly mean that I had great boobs, but it had nothing to do with me as a person. So it only comes off as smarmy and insincere. Whereas someone like the new guy looks and me, takes all of me in and tells me to "stop" and when I ask "stop what?" and he replies with "can you stop being sexy for just a minute?" It makes women melt. It does. I can tell you there are different levels of words with women. Pretty, Gorgeous, Smoking, Cute, Hot, Sexy... they all mean something totally different oddly enough. And every woman has that one word that means the most. For me gorgeous always hits me in the heart but sexy sends me into another world. And I just love how different people can make you feel like you are on top of the world. So sparing the steamy details I have found a new tryst to try to schedule into my life!
After that being my Saturday night I didnt think Sunday night could follow it up.

It did.

We proceeded to soak up the sun during the day and then head to the Rusty Rudder for round two of Dewin the Dew. Burnt Sienna always plays on Sunday nights there so we knew we were in for a good time regardless. The same asic crew met up.. minus the new boy, he returned home that morning much to my shagrin. However I did get a "goodmorningsexy " text to wake up to and you'd think the novelty would wear off by then. Nope it send me into a tailspin that I cannot forsee having a good night without this fantastic new guy by my side telling me how intoxicated he is by me.
I try anyway.
The Rudder as usual is filled with onlookers who sit atop a bench and cat call to the girls who strut their stuff and drop it down low. Of course the dance floor and I go way back so my girls and I were indeed those girls ..There again is the difference between a guy who says something, means it and gets somewhere versus the guy who just makes a comment to hear himself talk to a pretty girl and gets no where. If he can look you in the eyes, before or after he already looked over every other inch of you and you can see that he likes something other than your suggestive dance moves or your well displayed assets .. and believe me gents, it isn't hard to tell the difference. If that occurs then the girls are like putty in your hands. All they want is to recreate that moment where you are awe struck by their beauty and you can't help but to want to learn more about the beautiful creature in front of you. And not the obligitory oconversation you have with the only intentions being able to get to see those suggestive dance moves off the dance floor.
And as we were leaving, shots deep and my mouth running like it never has before. I had an audience mind you, which only fuels my fire. My new giant gay friend has the same sick sense of humor and we were on a roll. As we struted home I had a clinger. I didnt mind because I can handle my own. We nicknamed him Jeffrey Daumer cuz he seemed like the type to maybe want to wear my skin as a suit if I had gone anywhere near his place... and I was ripping him a new one everytime he opened his mouth but he was of the breed of gentleman who love to get abused by women. He said multiple times that my bitchiness was attracting him further. Thats when I start to turn off the comedy routine and start telling him the truth about where this night was going. Oblivious JD kept following us and it amazed me that in the span of 24 hours I felt I had met every type of guy there is to meet. Gentlemen and scholars, losers and jerks. Hot and Not, gay and straight. And they all seem to have a different approach when it comes to attracting women... it got me thinking.
Then the night came to an end and Morgan and I again traipsed back to our stomping grounds of First Street. Monday came along and I had had too many laughs, tons of kisses and lots of sun. I didnt think it could get better. I was still talking to this new guy which was a good sign and kept me from wanting any more of what Dewey may have to offer. Little did I know what it was going to offer me then....
Monday was spent mostly by myself since Morgan had to work. .. went for a run... a good long run and I felt better because the last few weeks I felt that I couldnt possibly be in the shape my eyes were telling me I was in. I hadnt worked out like I should have been and yet the mirror was my best friend. Well the other shoe dropped and the mirror snapped me back to reality and I felt like poop. I waffled between wanting to go out again and wanting to just sit at home and play mario kart until my thumbs bled. What changed my mind quickly was a phone call from Morgan.... it went something like this. Come pick me up I am off work and I served Luke Wilson at my table tonight." Ummm what? .She was serious and I was just out of the shower and still feeling a bit ... bleh. I dont know how else to describe it. It doesn't matter I was going to meet Luke Wilson! Well we got ready in record time and went out.. this time to our faithful companion... The Lighthouse. And there they were. Now I wasn't lucky enough to actually meet Luke himself. I just got his entourage. But they were pretty damn entertaining. Soon enough it was Luke Wilsons buddy falling for my best friend. He was totally smitten. And then like that... we were in. We were now being offered anything out little hearts desired to contunue this good time.Little did I know that the 6 foot 4 gorgeous man who was barely paying attention to me was actually smitten with me as well. Did I mention he was freaking gorgeous? So here we are two little 5 foot nothing best friends charming the pants off of Luke Wilson's boys. Not literally of course we both had to work in the morning so we went home with each other. Which only made them fall in love with us more...

And there you have it. My life. My weekend and I am on cloud nine right now. The new boy keeps texting me and he is the only one who really has potential out of all those guys. In the 72 hours I was in Dewey I felt I got approached with all kinds of game and the one that won. Sincere hearted sexy speaking smooth mover Scott.

Naivete 6.27.2008

Naivete
Current mood: peaceful

So it's a random Friday and I have been so deep in thought recently it seems. I blame it on my lack of commitments. No boys, no TRIs. I am not so overscheduled right now my brain is working overtime.
Although I do think some of my best stuff comes when I am super busy. So naturally, I am looking to book up my schedule again. Another Triathlon you ask? Well, just maybe!! I do plan on doing another Sprint distance in August and was originally planning to do the Olympic distance in September through Team in Training. However, after speaking with a few people from that organization and I say few people because as soon as I started talking to one, she would go on vacation and pass me off to another person. (That is a bit irritating I must admit.) Besides that they told me that training for the Nation's Triathlon for them was already in week 7. Yeah that's right. Almost two months ago they started training for the September event. Gross, yuck,ew. I would not choose to spend my ENTIRE summer in training. I gave myself all of June to relax. Well I have gotten in like 3 beach days which I would consider my only time to relax... so that didn't really happen. Anyway, I bet you I could still start training in July and be fine by September. I felt last time I trained for 3 months and that was a few weeks too long. Who knows, I suppose I will mull over that decision some more...

I keep hesitating writing my super philosophical thoughts that I have been having. I have just pondered what it would be like to express to certain people in my life what I need to express to them. I am terrible at communicating. I dont know how to not act like things don't bother me. Truth be told most things don't but some actually do. I do have a pretty hard shell and things can't really get me down. It is an unbelievable asset if you are going to live your life on your terms constantly. The way I have. I will never experience things the way some people have because I won't allow myself to go to that place. My emotions are no where near the surface they are hidden way deep down. Unfortunately I actually think that I could live my life quite peacefully like this.My lack of emotion is certainly not a lack of passion or drive. It's a lack of wanting to let other people bring me down. I was, am and will always be a happy person. So crying and getting stuck in the past is not my idea of a useful way to spend your time. Either do something about it or don't but you have to get over it either way. Or you are living your life according to others. My problem with this is that the other day while driving, I made myself cry. I of course could only have done this when I was completely by myself and in the middle of a long drive. The tears lasted all of 10 minutes and then I was done. But had I not made that drive I wouldn't have allowed myself those salty teardrops to roll down my face for even just a moment. So get over it quickly and be a more positive person or allow myself some more tears? In my head I hear that question phrased "strong, or weak?" It's not to say that I don't always ride the daily roller coaster with ups and downs.And when you are in a relationship (which I can't forsee happening again for a very long time) then it is easier to be happy and sad according to someone else but as far as other people's actions or words determining how I am underneath... that won't change. I am truly blessed and I will always be a happy-go-lucky, hope for the best, live for today,tell it like it is, bubbly, stay positive, steady rock, always here for you little girl underneath.

However, I am trying to learn how to strike the balance between reading into what other people say and dismissing what some of those same people say. I trust myself 100%. I know who,what,where,when and why I have my own gut feelings and they are pretty accurate. It's when someone else or many someones start voicing their opinion and it touches on something I may have even felt but had already pushed aside. Recently, I heard a resounding chorus chime in about my fathers absence from a very important moment in my life. Granted most everyone missed this moment. Whether they were un invited or unable to come I felt I knew there was going to be a small crowd ahead of time. However the crowd got smaller when my '21 year old brained' father rang me and told me he "overslept" . Oh really? Not a chance that I believe that for a second and even if it was true it's one of the most terrible reasons I have heard in recent history.

Now that day. NOTHING and I mean nothing could have gotten me down. I crossed the damn finish line and that was it as far as my focus. But the more I thought about it and heard people and how upset they were, it got me thinking... he sucks! But it's not his first offense. And a few months back I had a situation that put a microscope over his life. And over his and my relationship. It is so bruised, not broken. But I think it would be very different if he were someone else in my life. He would get a tongue lashing and a total diss from me. I don't put up with bullshit like he throws around.
Or do I?
I guess I do.
The honest truth is that I will continue to. He is a grown man (only distinguishable by his actual age) and I will not change him. I don't plan on wasting my life trying to do so either. ( I don't plan on doing that to or for anyone else in my life either) I will however make sure he now knows how I feel when he acts like a complete idiot. I am just worried that either of my brothers will grow up to be like him. Not completely worried , because there are some wonderful things they could learn from him. And I am being totally honest. There are some aspects of his life that I would want any human to emulate. Should I be worried that I am going to grow up to be like him too? If I hadn't had this moment with a certain someone and had someone else pretty much ask me that very question I may not be thinking this. That moment definitely opened my eyes. But we all know there are some inevitable events of life and then BOOM you turn around and you are your parents. I know this. I just hope I turn out more like my mother... Well I just hope I can strike a balance between the two of them... and the rest of it is a wonderful new mixture of myself!

I also had another person in my life blow my mind with their ignorance. I give people the benefit of the doubt over and over again and yet this person kept going in the wrong direction from what I believed was the right thing to do. I've tried to help her but I can't anymore. The last straw was probably something stupid to most but it rubbed me the wrong way. Everytime i thought about it I think my emotion came to the surface more and more.
And this is the word that has been popping up in my introspective days lately.

Naive or Naivete

I know that on some levels I am indeed, naive. I do not know the ways of many worlds that I have not experienced. But could I be unaware enough to not know that people like this are going to be in my life? That I will continue to build myself up and people will try to cut me down. I get that but I guess I never thought it would be inside people. I talk openly about the amazing people that I have in my life. I truly feel that not many people get to have the quality of people in their lives that I get over and over again. I have a deep seeded respect for most people in my life. I got to choose some of them. Some of them I am just a lucky bastard to have had choose me!
SO with that said, I guess I really gave the crown of "amazing people" to EVERYONE in my life. And that is not the case. There are lovels of amazing and levels of people who are less so. These two people I spoke of are hopefully the extent of it. And that is where I keep asking myself if I am too naive. Can I really believe that I can go my whole life with only a few people who ruffle my feathers? Especially for the plans that I have to take over the world?
Well, I know that when it comes to serious things like death and drugs and destruction and love and hate and things of the world I would have to consider myself naive because I haven't experienced much of it. But can't I go my whole life without things like drugs and hate and still be a knowledgeable person? Or do I have to experience it all to know it all? I don't think many people can survive all of those things and live to tell about it.
Like am I naive enough to think that when my car window was smashed in earlier this year that it wasn't somones malicious attempt to fuck up my day?
Am I naive enough to believe that you can want something or someone bad enough and you will indeed get it?
Am I naive enough to think that the way that I live my life will affect someone elses life?
I have a ton more of these.. but I digress.

I have a pretty open mind and I can wrap my brain around a lot. So am I naive or do I just choose to see the world as it is but live my life trying to keep the good in and the bad out.?
And in that case then we are all naive to whatever we have not personally been through.I think one of my few talents comes in that I can learn from those around me. I need not to live through every bump in the road to learn to swerve every now and then
So is it a lack of understanding or a lack of experience?
Because I certainly understand a lot more than I have experienced

"Beautiful veins and bloodshot eyes" 6.10.2008

"beautiful veins and bloodshot eyes"...
Current mood: rejuvenated

So it's been a while since my triathlon and I have already sat down and written this blog but my computer made sure that it never got posted.. so here is an even quicker version of how my day went on May 31st....RACE DAY!
This may be a bit scatter brained though so I apologize..
I had driven to Ocean City teh night before to stay with my Aunt Jeanne. I woke up the morning of and I wasn't too nervous but my aunt was nervous enough for both of us. The actual race site was about an hour away so I had to get in the car and get there pretty early. Once I arrived there, there was a plethora of cars lined up and spilling out with people decked in race gear. This was the moment I started to get a little nervous. I thought maybe I was the only amateur embarking on this little trip. I set up my race stuff and I was clearly a tri newbie because I didn't have the towel and the whole little set up that most triathletes did.
Skip the whole per race jitters and the moving around trying to figure out exactly what the hell I am supposed to do. I tested out the waters and it was a bit frigid. but I was ready to get in those waters. It was an in water start and shocker everyone else could stand and I could NOT. I was already treading water minutes before I needed to. So the horn sounded and we were off... try learning to swim with 200 of your closest friends in a freaking cold pond... thats pretty much what it was like. It was very disorienting and I had a pretty bad cold a few days before so my ability to breathe was very diminished. That didn't help. Anyway it felt like I was in that water for hours.. I got out and started running towards the transition spot. I felt like I was going to throw up and told my aunt that. I in fact didnt have to but I had obviously been swallowing air and all of it had to escape somehow so it felt the same as feeling like I had to throw up. I took my sweet time getting my clothes on and wiping my feet from the disgusting pond silt and sand before I put my socks and shoes on. I got on my bike.. took a swig of water and I was off. Bike time. This was the best part just like I had thought it would be. I was fine. I wasn't ona road bike like 98% of the other racers there and I hope to get one before my next tri in August.
So we were biking INTO the wind the entire time.. it was pretty intense winds at some points.. which I have never done so that was a whole new experience for me. As people were riding they were cheering people on and it was pretty cool... at the 5 mile mark I had felt like it was 12 miles but I could keep going. I pushed harder after this point my muscles had warmed up and were doing just fine. After the 10 mile mark I still felt good but I was a little bit bored. I would love to do another race with a friend. Towards the end a woman came biking up and said " two and a half more miles! " and that triggered a bit of my competitive side and I hit the highest gear and started pedaling as if my life depended on it. It felt amazing the last few miles I just soared to the second transition spot. I got off the bike and took a lot less time than I had in the first transition. I started to run and I felt as if someone had tied 300 pound weights to my legs but i kept going. Aroudn this time I saw my roommate Erin. She had surprised me and shown up with a poster for me. I was super excited because three very important people were there for me and cheering me on. I like to say I could have done it by myself and I wasn't doing any of this for anyone else but these three people were the perfect mix of cheerleaders. My best friend Morgan, My Aunt Jeanne and my roommate Erin. Love them! And I cannot thank them enough for being a great support team.
So back to the race... I met my aunt somewhere down the race path and she ran with me, which was great. I had to slow down and she was there with me to chat a little bit. I made it down and back and ran to the finish line. It felt good. I definitely thought there was going to be a little more emotional for me to cross that line since this was a very important goal for me. I put a lot more than just a race on the line when I decided to do this a few months back. I am basing a lot of my own future abilities on whether I could successfully train and complete this race. I like to give up on things when they get hard. I don't tend to do something if I am not good at it. This was definitely something I would not know if I was good at until I crossed that line and honestly I was not very good. Luckily the fact that I crossed the finish line was enough for me the first time around. I do plan on getting better and better. This time I crossed the finish line at 2:08:19.. and it isn't blowing anyone away with that time but it wasn;t that bad either! I am very weird about numbers but I know I had to finish at this time because my race number was 128 and I was very excited about that. I needed a 2 in there because thats my lucky number and I wanted an 8 because that is my older brothers number and he is one of the most talented persons I know. So when I got 128 that felt good to me.. because the 1 was there because I was going to be number 1 !!!
When I finished 2:08.. there were the 2 and the 8 that I had wanted and then 19 was my older brothers other number during college. So maybe if I get some crazy numbers our of my head I will be able to finish well under that time the next time around.
I can't believe the weeks leading up to my race and again I think the world has a way to right your wrongs. So originally I had set out to just finish and I would be satisfied... then somewhere along the way I felt amazing and I thought I could kick some serious ass...then i got shin splints and a stress fracture in my left leg, my granddather passed away, and I had to go to New York for the week leading up to the race. So the universe made sure that I got off my horse and I could settle back down to crossing the finish line with a smile on my face. That is what I did and I am very glad that that was my goal. Now, is a different story. I know what I am in for and I know what to prepare for. And now I want to kick some serious ass! Whoever else wants to join me is more than welcome to become a triathlete! I love being able to say that and I realize the novelty of that has pretty much worn off so I will stop saying it but just know that on the inside I am dancing around singing " I am a triathlete, I am a triathlete! " Hahahaha
Other than the race, the rest of my life has still yet to settle down, I think it should get back to normal about this time next week. I got rid of the latest boy, hahaha he didn't last long as usual. And I am back to having fun and being me. We celebrated Morgan's 23rd birthday in Dewey this last weekend and I had a blast I absolutely love that place. I do. It felt good to be home there. I got a nice little tan and got the sand in my toes and took a dip in the lovely waves and just enjoyed the summer time. Gosh I love my life. I know I say that a lot but I feel very very lucky to be able to do the things I do surround by the people I have. So thank you to everyone who is amazing in my life! Now what the hell am I going to do since I am not training my life away?!? I guess I will have to come up with some new crazy goal to accomplish!

In TRI-ing times 5.30.2008

in TRI -ing times
Current mood: adventurous

Here it is. Less than 24 hours before race time.
If I could have predicted the way that this last three weeks have gone I am not sure that I would have embarked on this journey to begin with. I am so freaking tired. I am ready to say that " I am a triathlete", no more " I am training for a triathlon." { Although I do plan to do more already this summer.And now I have infected others and Ben and Britt and Sean and others want to train with me later this summer!}These last few weeks have just put every aspect of me to the test. I know that come tomorrow I will wake up and feel fine, the sun will be shining things will go well and I will cross that finish line with a smile on my face. Until then though it is hard for me to grasp all of what has been thrown my way recently. It started with a stress fracture that sidelined my running, then add a hectic work schedule, two deaths very close to me, an unexpected trip to new york, major life decisions, PMS, a new boy {major distraction!}, a head cold and severe allergies and mix in some other stress factors and you have about my mind set for the past month. ...
It hard to shake this feeling that something is conspiring against me. But I am slowly realizing that its just a test. If I had been able to finish this triathlon with the ease of which I started it with then it may not mean as much. But around this time tomorrow I will be making my way across the finish line and I can't tell you what I will feel. I haven't pushed myself like this in a very very long time. So this is going to be good. I've got a great cheerleading team coming to support me and I can't wait to do them proud. I have amazing people in my life and I am very thankful for all of them.
So now, after arriving back in Virginia around 2am last night I am going to put my bike in the car and get back on the road to finish my latest life goal. Oh i can feel the butterflies starting already! Don't wish me luck, I don't need it!


Off to become a triathlete.....