Growing Pains

Ever have a moment when you know you are going for something and it's been a long time coming?
How about a moment when you know you are leaving some sort of youth behind and there are some adult decisions ahead.
Gross. Right?

Well I am pretty sure I am growing up right this very moment.
Here's how I know. I am about to go for my dreams.No joke.

I have a severe case of the 'fraid of failures. I am a perfectionist and some times it is debilitating. I will not attempt something if I know I cannot do it perfectly on the first try basically. It is so upsetting to know that this is my fatal flaw and I cannot get over it sometimes. It's a voice in my head that keeps my feet planted when I want to run in one direction. Be it good bad or ugly.

Granted I have accomplished some things despite this. But it takes a major rise up inside my soul to get it out of me and ignore all those neurotic thoughts that I should just not do it.

Take the Triathlon for example.
That came out of no where, and I trained by myself and I ran across that finish line. I then walked away and I will probably never do another one because of my neuroses. It took over a year for me to get back into the training thing and do this half marathon I am apparently doing. But I am having a hard time training by myself and just today I thought about giving up.

Goodness I think I need to seek professional help.Ha!

But after the whole giving up thing I thought about what this lunch today was going to provide me.

It is a girlfriend and myself meeting up and swapping our abilities...
she needs my help in the planning of her impending nuptials. My perfectionism also makes me a great candidate to be event planner extraordinaire.
and
I need her ability to transform my resume into multiple job offers ! She's all 23 and growned up and businessy smart and stuff.

So I loves it.
It's something that for me, is big. I am moving in a positive direction, taking a step if you will.

And usually I like to sit in my little spot and watch everyone else take their steps around me.

Forwards and back they go.

And I am pretty good at helping people pick themselves up when they are falling backwards. I am also a great support when people need a boost forward.
But again, I myself never usually take steps myself.

So here I go.
...stay tuned.

..p.s. writing this post is making me late!
I am only taking one step here people. The not procrastinating part of me has yet to grow up!