Friday, January 7, 2011

Genetically Engineer This

People are worried about babies being all blonde haired and blue eyed if we start genetically modifying human chromosomes to people's specifications.

How about this.. let's not care about what people think they want on the surface of their child. How about we start controlling who breeds and/or we genetically modify children to take the "egotistical asshole" gene out. Cuz I'm so freaking tired of having to admit to sharing a gene pool with some. Like you are worried your kid won't be 6'7 and play basketball and make you rich.

How about we create the kid and ask them what they hate about you and then reverse the process and take those genes out. To the future person's specifications.

I mean damn... if we are gonna start down that road I'm just asking that maybe we take a look at that as a possibility... (No? Well, I tried to make the human race better. You can't say I didn't try.)

When you grow up you start seeing people for who they are. Not just your family with labels like Dad, Mum, Sister or Uncle.. they are just regular freaking people. That you have to deal with a lot more often. And with awful terrible qualities and hysterical quirks and most of them have so many redeeming qualities that it makes it all worth it in the end.
But you still always call your family "crazy" to any outsider or new relationship you are inviting to a family gathering for the first time.

It's just a buffer to show that you are aware these people aren't normal but you had no control of how your family trees branches extend.
So no one can blame you. Right?

Well blame me if you want... I will gladly admit that having me in their lives has affected the outcome of who these people are. So maybe it's my fault for being the kid I was. Which in turn created the monsters I'm dealing with now. (Unrealistic,yes but I'm willing to go there to prove that I don't give a F@*% anymore)

My younger brother is dependent on many people and I was (and probably always will be) there for him when he doesn't or hasn't done much for himself, and struggles. You know why? Cuz he is my best friend. He loves me. He is there for me. He pisses me off every effing Christmas and many other times when he acts like he is the only one who matters. But he is freaking hysterical. Like seriously you will never hang out with him, ever, without smiling hard or cracking up. Not even a funeral.
It's a talent. A redeeming quality, if you will... he's got a couple damn good ones I'd say.

But there are some people who I would like to un-relate myself to. It's seriously appalling. And my pride is a huge reason why I put up with it time and time again.
For example, I am too proud to say that I don't have a relationship with a big part of my family, by choice. I've always craved things to be "by the book" and I like symmetry and things nice and even and balanced. So to cut someone out, seems to go against those ideas of how I think I like my life.

So many people have lost loved ones and would give anything to have time with them now. And to say to someone that I've chosen to cut myself off from a person to whom I'm related... seems disgusting. Like I'm spitting in the face of what a family is all about.

Especially when the reason wouldn't be some awful tragic story of them beating me or inappropriate touching or something for real serious like that. Cuz those people who sever ties with an abusive (in any form of the word) relative get a free pass from me.

No judging here. I would never fault someone for walking away from that. I do know that people say blood is thicker than water. And "that's your _______, doesn't that mean anything to you?"

Like that really matters?

These are people. And people are freaking terrible and disappointing and human and mean and sad and ruthless and egotistical assholes. And I feel like I can't stand it anymore.

Am I to the point where I am able to take a stand and let my broken heart heal again but this time without the fear and ultimate knowing of the future hurt that will inevitably happen again.? I don't know that yet.

I swore to myself I would start doing things for me this year.. and the first week in it's like someone is testing me. Like God is saying "oh, so you want to do things that are going to benefit you?" "For real, you want to work on becoming better and happier and healthier?" "Here is the BIGGEST test of your almost 26 years on this planet.. ready.. set.. go."

And BOOM! Egotistical assholes go into full effect and I cannot believe I have to be in the same room as these people and act like they don't make me sick.

In this year alone the amount of times I have shed tears matches the amount of times I've cried in the last 10 years.
I'm repulsed that people can bring me to this point and I continue to allow it to happen.

I'm going to take away their power. By simply choosing my words very (oh so very ) carefully and expressing my last attempt at civility. And when the time is right. The white flag will be thrown and I will bow out gracefully.

I will absolutely not live the rest of my life battling a relationship that is forced upon me because of our status of being relatives.

.. I just got excited. It SOOOO is not going to happen like, tomorrow. But I know that I am doing the best thing for me. And maybe for a multitude of my other gene pool swimmers who are dying to say or do the same thing.

Change.. it ain't just for Obama.

I would be doing a disservice to my family, every one of them if I didn't acknowledge that each one of them has brought me to this wonderful place of happiness at some point. That they've gone out of their way to accommodate myself or others around me so kindly. They are charming, sweet, strong, unbelievably intelligent and all around amazing people.I am blessed, so truly blessed to have the family that I have.
It is this reason that I've chosen to write about it and possibly shake things up with some action following my words. My family is so important to me, this Thanksgiving I was speechless for days at trying to explain to fellow family members just how grateful I am for my immediate family and each one of my 30+ first cousins, and 20 something aunts and uncles and much more. They are the reason I want to start procreating today until my house sounds like an entire school. They are my heart and they are the reason I love my life so profoundly.

But no one gets a pass to suck the life out of me.Sorry, you picked the wrong year to be a punk ass bitch.(again)

...stay tuned.

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