Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Growing Pains

Ever have a moment when you know you are going for something and it's been a long time coming?
How about a moment when you know you are leaving some sort of youth behind and there are some adult decisions ahead.
Gross. Right?

Well I am pretty sure I am growing up right this very moment.
Here's how I know. I am about to go for my dreams.No joke.

I have a severe case of the 'fraid of failures. I am a perfectionist and some times it is debilitating. I will not attempt something if I know I cannot do it perfectly on the first try basically. It is so upsetting to know that this is my fatal flaw and I cannot get over it sometimes. It's a voice in my head that keeps my feet planted when I want to run in one direction. Be it good bad or ugly.

Granted I have accomplished some things despite this. But it takes a major rise up inside my soul to get it out of me and ignore all those neurotic thoughts that I should just not do it.

Take the Triathlon for example.
That came out of no where, and I trained by myself and I ran across that finish line. I then walked away and I will probably never do another one because of my neuroses. It took over a year for me to get back into the training thing and do this half marathon I am apparently doing. But I am having a hard time training by myself and just today I thought about giving up.

Goodness I think I need to seek professional help.Ha!

But after the whole giving up thing I thought about what this lunch today was going to provide me.

It is a girlfriend and myself meeting up and swapping our abilities...
she needs my help in the planning of her impending nuptials. My perfectionism also makes me a great candidate to be event planner extraordinaire.
I need her ability to transform my resume into multiple job offers ! She's all 23 and growned up and businessy smart and stuff.

So I loves it.
It's something that for me, is big. I am moving in a positive direction, taking a step if you will.

And usually I like to sit in my little spot and watch everyone else take their steps around me.

Forwards and back they go.

And I am pretty good at helping people pick themselves up when they are falling backwards. I am also a great support when people need a boost forward.
But again, I myself never usually take steps myself.

So here I go.
...stay tuned.

..p.s. writing this post is making me late!
I am only taking one step here people. The not procrastinating part of me has yet to grow up!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

A Post In Pictures..

Here is my cute cocktail table
that fits perfectly on our
tiny little balcony.
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So I ate my lunch inside...
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and oogled, my new shoes..Mmmm shoes.  
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and here is proof that no good deed goes unpunished.
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So She has been training this whole time! Maybe because she sucks.
AND she has a story to cover it up. So "white Chantal" I am never going to you again.I will continue to donate my blood, just not with you at the helm. If I go back in 56 days (which is the alloted time your body needs to heal between blood suckings I mean..) and you are there.. I will fake a sudden illness if you call me up to your chair. You best believe I will!
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Because look at me!

But for now I will go back to dancing around my house and listening to 
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Oh crap, it got quiet. It's so smart it's asking me if I am still listening.
When I said yet it immediately played Amy Winehouse. Today is a good day.

If only I didn't have to work..OH CRAP!

..stay tuned.

Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle.... (wait for it)

Holy shit she cannot really be that dumb.

That is actually what I nicknamed three people that I work with. Tweedle dee is the dumb cute one. He just isn't who he thinks he is. Or very good at anything. And it's comical.

Tweedle Dumb is the little beyotch who works occasionally 'cuz daddy has enough money to buy everyone inside the walls of JobOne. She shows up and has a smile on her face until someone questions to her as to why she hasn't quite done everything she should be doing. Then the attitude of twelve teenage girls boils up inside her and comes spewing out. It's disgusting. She has never heard of help, nor does she want it.And so, I will let her fall flat on her face without even the slightest urge to lend a hand.

THEN there is tweedle, holy crap she can't really be that dumb.
But she is. It is absolutely startling to come face to face with someone to whom "ignorance is bliss" so aptly applies. Rather, it is the very essence in which she lives her life. But she is too oblivious to know that is how she is living her life.
SUPER cute girl too. What a waste. She is very pretty and would be stepping over all of the guys to get to the top had she any (and I mean ANY) idea how to do a job.
Just, A job. But the simple task of waiting tables is lost on her. After a night with a two table section in which she forgot to greet one of her TWO tables for at least 15 minutes I asked her how her night went. She proclaimed "not bad! I had this one lady who came up and hugged me!"
Yeah, that is exactly what I wanted to know about your night. Not possibly how many guests will never come back through those doors based solely on your performance tonight.

Oh work, how you entertain me. Speaking of work. It is time. For JobTwo or a job switcheroo. I am looking to get out of the area that I am currently living in and I know that wherever I land anywhere I can wait tables. I've now seen it, I'm a master server. Great. That does not intrigue me in any sort of way. I know that I can fall back on these skills but by no means do I intend to keep fine tuning my serving skills.
I must set forth on the journey to become master party planner.
So here, today along with running 5 miles. (shit, I forgot about that until just now!) I will be retouching my resume and getting on the ball.
Going to find me a job in the event planning biz. Yup Yup. (said like Ducky or Petri from Land Before Time)

Wohoo for being productive, or at least writing it down and such.
...stay tuned.

Oh also, a random rant...Feel free to not read this if you don't want to hear me bitch about something so trivial as a word. Oh wait. I love words. And so should you!
So read this and make sure you don't do these bad things! Please. (I always say I hate people, but I really just hate stupid people!)

Did you know that irregardless is actually a word now? (thank God spell check does NOT recognize it though) Or apparently has been for some time. I am furious with this. Our society is to effing lazy to tell people that it is STILL not a word and instead of correcting people we've taken the "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" mentality. Seriously Webster or Merriam? You couldn't stand hearing people say a word that isn't a word so you just go ahead and make up a word that means the exact same thing as the word they don't know how to use. Well here's one for ya. Should we start making the phrase "I couldn't care less" into "I could care less" because people are just as ignorant when it comes to paying attention to what they are saying with that phrase too...

Monday, July 13, 2009

Monkey Fightin' Snakes

It's monday and I am just now slowing down. Ugh. Working weekends pretty much blows but a girls' gotta do something to pay the bills right?

I met some guy last night who decided that in five minutes I was the asset his high powered law firm was looking for in their events planning department.

Um? Seriously?

Is this guy completely full of shit or what? Did I tell him that I really think my future is in event planning? Weird. I mean, he deemed me smart,personable and a hard worker and a few other flattering things that I can't even remember because I really could not decide if he could possibly see these things from one conversation at my bar.
Time Out: I just looked up his law firm... which does exist thankfully. However I am pretty good with names and I cannot find his anywhere on their "professionals" tab. So he totally works for this company as the mail guy. Sweet.

Oh also, sheesh I almost forgot. (p.s. my new word is sheesh, I like it, so deals with it. Oh yea putting on an "s" on random words is fun too. And Mary-Kate and Ashley are my idols so what?! (only kidding I like Amy Winehouse much more))

My sister and my bestie and I are going to do a half marathon. Hahahahaha I mean. I might survive and walk it but they will both probably train correctly and end up doing it. I on the other hand go on long runs, that consist of me getting lost, walking to ensure that my heart does not jump out of my chest and running so slow that when I come back an hour later I've actually not gained any ground I just went way slower. Awesome I love running.

I mean the Triathlon was bad enough, but it had enough tempo changes and straight up switching of events that my ADD brain couldn't come up with a reason not to finish the current event because there was actually an end in sight.

But running? Just plain ol' Forrest Gumping it? I mean I'd run a lot longer and faster if you gave me something to run from...
Come to think of it that may be a genius plan..

I'm gonna run from:

My future and having to think about it in any way shape or form.

Growing up. (Michael Jackson was on to something, Neverland here I come!)

A serious relationship with, ugh, a boy.

Third dates with boys. ("ass face" nickname boy, I'm already over it. Apparently I have no heart.)

Cleaning my life. (yes I have to put it that unspecific because if I thought about all the things I needed to clean up, literally clean, I would cry. And then I would have to run from my feelings too and that just seems something crazy people do.)

The fact that I have no credit and I am still driving my shit car that makes me want to cry (crap! see next item to run from...)


Okay I am pretty sure that is a good enough list of things to run from. I mean I could run from "the law" that would be a lot cooler, but, I won't.
For now.

...stay tuned.

p.s. Listening to Billy Currington's "stay" is breaking my heart, he is so sexy and I want someone to sing that song to me! Ugh. I'm gonna run from my sad sack love life too.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Like with everything else I do, a day late and a dollar short.

Clearly boys are on my mind. My posts have mostly been about men.

But let's be honest what single twenty four year old isn't constantly thinking about them? Whether it's about the co worker who is too cute to be as effing obnoxious as he is. ( I seriously want to take a spoon to his eyeballs, and that's on a good day)

Or about the guy who I told not to call me pet names, so he now texts me with endearing titles like " hey ass face" and it makes me giggle. He is also convinced he can win over my father and any man who is up for that task is okay by me. (and I have painted my father in the most accurate light that I can, we will just see if he can handle me long enough to get to the meeting my pops stage.)

Or how about the guy who I cannot figure out what I feel about him because he is hilarious but he likes to just flake out on his responsibilities and go drinking instead.

What about the guy that makes my heart melt and I feel more comfortable with him than any other guy I know. Oh wait I forgot I am banning myself from thinking about him. It's like he has a radar when he knows I'm thinking about him and immediately pounces on my weak brain and sends me saucy messages that are the perfect start to my night. But the perfect ending to those nights would be spent with him, and that never happens. Especially while he's got a GF which is usually the case over the last 6 years.

Ughh, this post was not supposed to be all about boys.

I want to say Happy Birthday to America! I know I am days late on this one but I was too busy wrapping myself up in an American flag cheering at exploding lights in the sky and throwing back Natty Boh's like a good little American girl to worry about the blogging part of America that needed a birthday wish.

I also wanted to put into words my sincere sadness about the passing of our one and only King of Pop.
I think I am a little more sad that most people my age but I have yet to get in touch with just how depressing this really is.

Don't judge me!

MJ meant a lot to me, and this world and I don't want to hear about people bitching about his Rolls Royce and Range Rover motorcade. Hello, have you heard of this guy? Been entertaining us for effing decades people. DECADES! Not one person can tell me they didn't enjoy at least one of his songs. Before his passing, earlier this summer I was at the beach house and heard the neighbor kids playing the Free Willy soundtrack at about 2 am and I ran over there and made them put it on repeat for about 20 minutes.

It was a glorious 20 minutes.

I wouldn't even turn on his memorial service yesterday because I was convinced I might shed a tear. After I saw a clip of his gorgeous little girl Paris get up there and speak I am convinced I would have been a bumbling idiot. So for now I've got my Pandora radio station devoted to just MJ songs. Loves it.

Also Steve McNair, like a classic NFL asshole was cheating on his wife. But any former Raven that leaves this earth is a sad day for me.

So guess what my genius idea for Halloween is..

I was totally gonna be the Lady Gaga, but now I am going to get a crew and be This Year's Dead Celebrities.

I could take it two places, dress up like them, as corpses. Which would fit in my usual desire for grim and gore and guts on my favorite holiday.


I thought about dressing up like these celebrities in their hey day. Paying homage to them. Like Farrah in that memorable red bathing suit.

Either way will be cool.

OH but wouldn't it be funny to dress like a pack of dead celebrities lead by MJ and we can all do the Thriller dance! Oh I wish I had cool enough friends who would pull that off with me!

...stay tuned
(I'm sure there will be more boys to add to the mix soon, like the chef who is too scared of women right now but I will make him get over it and cook me a fabulous date!)

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Little Spoon

I am five feet tall. The decibel levels my voice can reach are deceiving because I am indeed a little girl.

So tell me how it is possible that I find all the men in the world that want to be the little spoon?

What the shit is this? I dated the firefighter and besides the fact that for the longest time he didn't know what "spooning" was, once he learned he was adamant that I should be the one wrapping my arms around him and snuggling his back into my chest.

Oh come on!

I know I am an overbearing loud obnoxious brute woman who will try to kick your ass. But what I really want is someone who knows that its all just a game and to show me how quickly they can make me feel like a tiny little girl again. By roughing me around and proving just how little my punches actually hurt. That's fine.

Or how about pulling me in close and making me feel so small tucked into your big man body. Sheesh. Is that so much to ask?

So this weekend when my guy BFF and I decided to lay next to each other, I pulled his arms around me and the immediate question was "what makes you think you get to be the little spoon?" Uhhhhhhhh (insert shrill shriek here) And as we rolled away from each other to lay on separate sides of the bed, I laughed.

How is it possible that I always find the ones who actually want to be the little spoon? On occasion is fine. I am all about balance. Giving and taking. So I would never dream of always being the little spoon but for pete's sake can we just go by the general rule of:

Big man= Big Spoon
Little woman= little spoon.
I mean for real.

...stay tuned.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Classic GF

If I had a boyfriend right now I would be creeping him out royally.

Haha that statement just makes me effing laugh. I am such a flipping disaster. I am currently "talking" to a couple of guys. When it rains ir pours. And when I am in a drought holy shit it's like they all get a memo to stay the eff away from me.

The memo may or may not go a little something like this:

Date: From now until the foreseeable future.
Attn: All men over the age of 28 and under the age of 35(okay 40);

It has come to our attention that you may be interested in a particular young lady who is tons of fun.She is short and hates being called "cute". She is also extremely loud.She even laughs loud, it's called a cackle. She also laughs all the time and smiles even more often. She has one volume, she's endearingly named the volume level as "fuckingloudasshit" and no off button. She has a gigantic heart and just wants to love the whole world but for some reason she makes sure that you don't know this right away. She has no problem using the c word (insert apology to her mother!) and she will make sure you know that you are not as awesome as you might think. She probably wants to fight you but be careful she can hold her own. She has no problem being smacked around a bit as long as she gets to hit you too. She claims her four brothers are the reason she is so violent. She also makes sure you know that along with her brothers she has a father that wants to kill pretty much anyone that goes near her. She will readily admit to bringing new guys around her family just to see them get eaten alive. She can clean up well and loves to wear dresses just to see mouths fall on the floor. She can sing and dance but you will probably never see much more than a few dance moves.
The point of this memo is to forewarn you all. Please do not approach this dangerous animal while we are conducting further studies on how to calm her the eff down. Also please do not feed her. She has Celiac disease and the glutenous foods may set her off! We would appreciate it if you would use extreme caution if you are going to disregard this memo and get in contact with the creature.

Thank you for your time. And do not call us if you have bruises whether they be physical or to your ego. We claim no responsibility for lost of stolen items,like your sanity.


And then one daring young (read: old) man tries his hand at handling the shit storm that is dating me, or merely putting up with me for more than one interaction. And once one guy starts this trend it's as if that memo is redacted and they all come running.

So for now I've got a couple of messages from guys I gave my number to and didn't answer when they called.

(I'm an ass, I know, but I NEVER answer the phone if I don't know who it is, can you tell I have bad credit issues hahaha)

The funny part about not having a boyfriend right now is that I am absolutely sure I would be freaking this guy out. My best friend has a newborn baby and I am obsessed with her. I love this child and it is not mine. All I want to do is be near this little baby girl and hold her. I am fairly confident that with boyfriend in tow I would be talking about this baby just enough to freak him out. Now the other bestie and I are a ways away from the thought of having kids right now.

However if I think about my own mother if I was on her path I would be married, with a 2 year old and a newborn as well. Ah!
Of course she was just years away from a divorce as well but that is besides the point. The point is, I want a kid. I mean. I don't want kids.

Okay, clearly I am confused because I know I was born to be a mother. I will be the most fantastic mother on this planet. I want 6-18 kids. Hahah, no for real I want as many as I can afford. And hopefully a husband who can handle that. Haha but it's all the crazy girls who get boyfriends so maybe I will let all these guys who are chasing me right now into my little idiosyncrasies and maybe one of them will fall in love with me.

..stay tuned.

p.s. I apologize for all the haha's in this post but I honestly wrote this while laughing. It is so freaking true it's scary.