Monday, January 3, 2011

Twenty something...

The year of the ME.. well I don't know what it is the year of.. nor do I care.
This year is all about me damnit.

Not that every year doesn't have it's ME moments but I cannot will not try to repeat the chaos-ity of last years festivities. Now don't get me wrong.. I'm all about being the support system for people.

In fact, it kinda makes me who I am.I would SO much rather be someone else's rock than to actually go chase my own dreams..

((((( halt the screeching tires))))

Strike that, reverse it. Well at least this year I am going to give a big middle finger to the world and say SUCK IT to all the peoples and their happy weddings and cute little fat cheeked babies being born.

But I'm gonna do it with class.. cuz the lil sis just asked me to be her Maid of Honor for her October wedding.. so trust me I ain't turning down that honor.

I heart this girl and cannot wait to see these two married.. I love them both so much and again.. would dream of nothing more than to be there to support them in this endeavor.

So my mini meltdown just days before 2011 is in the past.

But God was I ready to let that year go by the wayside. I've never felt less like a human than when I was just over scheduled to show up and/or organize an event for people for whom I love, multiple times a month, for a whole freaking year.
Seriously,sometimes I just wanna be invited to things.. not be an integral part of them. There is a little extra joy in seeing an invite in the mail with your name on it that you didn't write yourself. Or that you haven't already been yelled at for not yet responding... aren't I just assumed at this point?
Granted my plus one ditched me around July when the going was getting tough in the scheduled events field so I do understand a little extra clarification for the invitees at that point.

That sounds so Sally Spoiled.. at 25 watching all those people have their shit together and make big boy (girl) moves was a little tough to swallow at times.

I definitely want to be there. But freak at the actual thought of it all.. so just playing Bridesmaid was enough for me. Until I did it 4 times in one year. Then it gets harder.

There is no effing way Katherine Heigl did it 27 times. Bitch lied.

She would have jumped out a 27 story building before she got to that 10th wedding...

But enough about her.. cuz I really could not care for an actress any less than her.

Twenty Eleven is here y'all...
Nothing cooler than trying to explain a whole new year to 4 year olds... which is what I spent my Monday doing.

So here's my idea.. and someone hold me to this around April I will have probably forgotten but I'm writing this shit down to try to hold myself accountable (yeah that's a new thing in 2011!)

I'm trying something new every week of this year.

Sounds lame right.
I know.

But it's cool, for someone as rigid and unable to deal with change as myself this is pretty awesome. Little things like trying a new smoothie flavor at my favorite Smoothie Shop (Tropical Smoothie Cafe gets my vote! Def not Robeks!)

or Drinking coffee.. to lay off the energy drinks until I get the allergy thing figured out. So what if it's flavored coffee with flavored creamer and plenty of sugar.. I'm sure it's better for me than 23436 AMPs. I however have yet to grow a pair and order a real coffee drink at Starbucks.. it scares me.

or Working really hard at thinking before I speak.
Mind you, the bf has a daughter and thusly, a baby momma. So I am trying to tread lightly in that a child who has a step mother, and in contact with my mother as to her thoughts as the baby momma (actually ex-wife.. little different but same gist of a relationship with the kid and step mom)) S I was proud when I played the "well she has a lot on her plate right now" card when Mr. Cool didn't get the little one for his families big Christmas thing. Though I wanted to be more like this.."Listen bitch, you have your new hubby and a new baby let the boy have the love of his life for a few fucking hours since he drives out to the middle of no where since your lazy ass doesn't help a brother out ever.. SHIT!"
But I haven't been formally introduced yet.. so I thought I'd lay low for the next 38 years while they work it out between themselves.

Wow.. tangent.. sorry.

But for realsies this feels amazing.
I spoke about my knowledge of this relationship being the last one I'm ever in..

but not cuz I'm dying.. cuz I don't know that yet.
My hypochondria may have led some to believe this was the case at any given moment but I have insurance now!

So I'm going to schedule like 9000 doctor's appt's this year and get myself all figured out. So I can stop telling people my food allergies are going to be the death of me.

Oh gosh it feels so good to write again.. I'm sure reading this feels nothing like that though.

I apologize.
Cuz I'm lazy and don't want to edit this.

So. Stream of Consciousness thanks for being a cover for people who talk to effing much and have exhausted all the ears of their loved ones.

... Cheers to a wonderful year that will have a Domino effect on all my other years being as magically productive and equally balanced.

...stay tuned.

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