Monday, January 26, 2015

Well HELLO Life! You're nothing like what I had imagined..

THIS is why I keep a blog... To be able to read back exactly what I was dealing with in these moments because the great thing about the human mind is that these crazy hurtful moments do indeed dissipate. Now let me have you laugh for a moment. Cuz Lord knows I can't. I mean I chuckled, but at my own misfortune. The second to last blog about the guy I met... I got knocked up by him. He then told his crazy ex about my pregnancy before even most of our families knew. She went crazy again and 3 YEARS later here we are. He is insane, a complete pain in the ass and not at all someone I should have ignored my intuition with. However, I now get to raise my incredibly intelligent sweet little girl. I just have to do it with him. And this my dear sweet readers, will be my life's challenge. But isn't it funny to look back and read a post about this girl who threw my world into a tailspin because I liked her EX boyfriend. Now she's getting married and I'm raising a kid with a guy we both would eventually like to forget ever happened. I don't think she'd trade places with me to save her life. Oh I guess I got a bit of karma there, but I do wonder what I did to deserve someone so completely different than myself. Someone so unwilling to see the light in life and be happy and seek out moral goals. We are no where near the same page most of the time. We somehow have great rapport, a strong foundation in which to see each other twice a week raising our kiddo and haven't killed each other yet. Or even tried. It's a 2015 miracle. Because the hits keep on coming with this guy, he's flawed to say the least. I know I am too. I am just laughing over how different I sounded three years ago. Happy to have met someone. I am perpetually single again these days, again by choice. I don't plan to give that up for the next smooth talking guy who comes my way. I've seen what happens, people get pregnant that way folks. hashtag real talk. Yup I just blogged a hashtag. Time for me to make my exit. I have no clue if I plan to continue to blog. But this was a nice exercise in holy shit life changes and reading a blog about your own idiot decisions to stir the pot have a funny way of coming back around. Let me be clear. I am absolutely head over heels in love with my daughter. She, alone keeps me in the mindset of knowing this was all meant to be. She's perfect and I couldn't imagine her being anything but an amazing combination of her father and myself. We have come a long long way from those days of arguing over the crazy ex sending out mass text messages about me. But we're still two fallible people parenting one amazing child. And this is my catharsis to keeping it real. And ranting about bullshit like the fact that my dumb ass wrote about swearing off men for several months, met a man and he was THE wrong man and here I am years later to acknowledge. My gut is never.... SERIOUSLY NEVER WRONG. There's so much more going on that I have to cheer about, If I can muster up the time to post I will and I will keep you all laughing and hopefully only partially at my misery. But mostly at funny things that happen to OTHER people... God I love you all. "you" may not even be one single human but the internet, as a space to put this shit is pretty profound. My inner workings are here for all or none to see. And unless I make them disappear they'd be here forever. Cool. ...stay tuned.

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