Cops go hardcore at the end of the month, Me, I tend to ease up a bit.

I don't know if this counts as a real post. I am just consumed by random effing thoughts right now that I must share them. I apologize in advance. Especially because I am not one of those self loathing bloggers who apologizes for shit they write and then looks for pity.

Wait Stop Don't.You are actually gonna love this.
So let me try that again.

I'm full of freaking genius today and I cannot contain it in one thought process. So here I will give you all of them. Some people call that babbling, but as the joke goes...(my name is brooke. think about it.)

Musings of a Twenty Something:

**18 year old boys smell freaking delicious.

Well I don't really think eating the smell of Abercrombie is what I want. I want tons of half naked Abercrombie models running around, but I digress.
One young man got up from a table tonight right as I was walking by and I got a whiff. Mmmmm. Guys my age and older don't wear that crap anymore.The last time I probably smelled it was the last time I dated an 18 year old. Sooo like, in highschool. It does smell good...but it is laced with the smell of youth as well.
(and we all know how much I love younger guys. not.)

When the hell did I become the 24 year old who kind of feels dirty for thinking this way anyway?Dangsies!

** Tonight I rested my boobs on the bar, on command.

I am getting promoted.(those two statements don't seem to go together, but they do I promise.) Again. (within 7 months of working there, soon I will pretty much take over the world, yeah I'm effing that awesome)

Anyhowzer, They want me (or my C cups rather) to bartend!
Had I been asked 6 months ago, I would have refused. I am not cut out to be the schmoozy floozy. Which is pretty much necessary to be a bartender.
I think I can manage to avoid being sleazy behind the bar at JobOne (formerly JobTwo)

Plus it only opens up a world of opportunity, financially it is so much smarter to be a bartender. The tips far outweigh that of a server. So my grand plan is to train for the next few weeks. Revamp my server schedule to beef up the Captain shifts and then get a few bar shifts and the rest of the time start working at the new JobTwo.
(more on that later)

**I can tie a knot in a cherry stem. (and I'm not just trying to be like the Flobots)

People think it is impossible. I was one of those people until tonight. I was especially determined tonight. My younger sister has always been able to do it.
And now I can add that on my list of qualities that mean absolutely nothing about me but am sure to tell someone within five minutes of sitting at a bar next to them.


**I thought I was an animal lover until I met my new roommate.

She has.. drum roll please...

2 cats.(Gross, they better not pee anywhere "in or around the coat area")

1 rabbit.. that's fine. I think.(My one rabbit that I owned was actually a bunny, the difference is their size. Mine dies of the sniffles. An actual ailment known to cause death in bunnies. Look it up.)

1 Snake. Gasp! I actually like snakes but most people freak out about that one.

and 3 (count them, three) Sugar Gliders.
WTF is a sugar glider? The closest comparison I can offer you is a flying squirrel. Which is completely inaccurate. However it's a good visual to have. Though squirrels are not nocturnal and sugar gliders are. (making them all the more weird as a pet because she keeps them in her closet.)

Yeah, I am moving in with Ace freaking Ventura.


...stay tuned.

Fix-It Girl.

You're 12. And you have a super fabulous imagination. (Go with it.)

What would your super hero power be?

Now flash back to real life.

You're in 2008. You've got some not so super powers. What are they? What are you really? If you were a real life hero. Good, bad or ugly(I guess they aren't all heroes then but again, go with it.)

I would be... Fix-It Girl.

An unschooled, untrained slightly napoleon complexed little girl who ran around trying to patch things up. Prevention. Not my forte.

But once it's broken? Oh boy, oh boy. Let me at it. I will tell you everything thats wrong. And attempt.(usually failing miserably) to put the pieces back together.

The problem is.... I really am a bit like this. In real life you cant just put back the pieces. Humpty Dumpty doesn't get back up again. And I am NOT all the kings horses and all the kings men.

In relationships... this is where I falter most. I find the damaged, the weak (be careful, they parade around as the hot strong ones with big muscles) and as Tia said.. the "wounded-bird-boy-soul". Not all so apparent at first.

The last one...
He wasn't this sad sap looking to be saved. (To be fair, none of them are really, that's why it never works... (duh! that should be my moment of clarity right there!)) But he was a brooding, self sufficient, too proud, stubborn, southern gentleman. What I thrived on most was our differences. ( let me be clear, it's what I and I alone thrived on.)

I woke up every morning loving the fact that we could watch the same news or same whatever and have different views about it all. We were sensitive to each other's feelings. (At first) We debated about the world, about our own lives, about how our paths could have really crossed.

Pause. To amend that last statement. They never really crossed. We merely had paths that were close by each other that went along the same route for about...30 seconds... and we hopped back and forth on each other's path until it was time to part ways and go back to our own lives. It was in the cards, we were never meant to spend much time together. I know this and somehow I have a soft spot for him still. I think it's respect. He was an unwaivering soul who had a passion burning inside him and that was sexy as hell. But guess what, his passion wasn't for me. And I have been told that from a summer fling (but what the hell does he know?!) that what I really wanted was to see was a fire for me. Oh now, that's shocking. I've been read fairy tales all my life, forgive me for wanting a freaking prince charming!

Un-pause. Back to me wanting to save the world. Sadly. It just seems I enter into impossible situations on purpose. The crazier the better.
Because I am the calm drama-free one. I can bring a sense of sanity into these guys lives. Right?

Ehhhhhhhhhhhh (hear a loud obnoxious buzzer)

Let me give you examples. (Mostly so you can laugh at how ridiculous I am.)

*Over 30. Has to be. It seems to be a rule. They don't all look it but they all are.

**Crazy love life drama... for example, in the middle of a separation, or has 3 kids, or is caught up on the ex.

***Got Baggage...i.e. kids, crazy ex, life in ruin,work drama, mommy issues etc.

****The quiet more reserved type, that seem to be attracted to the younger crazy loud girl who loves life. (Me)
Still don't understand that one yet. I get why I am attracted to them. But why the hell are they falling for me? (Because they want to be saved right? Oh will I ever learn?)

So in the end, it seems as though I have diagnosed my problem. I am fix-it girl. I can;t however, even fix my own fix-it obsession. For now I will stay single. Until an unsuspecting little girls gets lured into a relationship that is broken beyond repair...before she's even met him.

Dangsies.

...stay tuned.