Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Growing Pains

Ever have a moment when you know you are going for something and it's been a long time coming?
How about a moment when you know you are leaving some sort of youth behind and there are some adult decisions ahead.
Gross. Right?

Well I am pretty sure I am growing up right this very moment.
Here's how I know. I am about to go for my dreams.No joke.

I have a severe case of the 'fraid of failures. I am a perfectionist and some times it is debilitating. I will not attempt something if I know I cannot do it perfectly on the first try basically. It is so upsetting to know that this is my fatal flaw and I cannot get over it sometimes. It's a voice in my head that keeps my feet planted when I want to run in one direction. Be it good bad or ugly.

Granted I have accomplished some things despite this. But it takes a major rise up inside my soul to get it out of me and ignore all those neurotic thoughts that I should just not do it.

Take the Triathlon for example.
That came out of no where, and I trained by myself and I ran across that finish line. I then walked away and I will probably never do another one because of my neuroses. It took over a year for me to get back into the training thing and do this half marathon I am apparently doing. But I am having a hard time training by myself and just today I thought about giving up.

Goodness I think I need to seek professional help.Ha!

But after the whole giving up thing I thought about what this lunch today was going to provide me.

It is a girlfriend and myself meeting up and swapping our abilities...
she needs my help in the planning of her impending nuptials. My perfectionism also makes me a great candidate to be event planner extraordinaire.
I need her ability to transform my resume into multiple job offers ! She's all 23 and growned up and businessy smart and stuff.

So I loves it.
It's something that for me, is big. I am moving in a positive direction, taking a step if you will.

And usually I like to sit in my little spot and watch everyone else take their steps around me.

Forwards and back they go.

And I am pretty good at helping people pick themselves up when they are falling backwards. I am also a great support when people need a boost forward.
But again, I myself never usually take steps myself.

So here I go.
...stay tuned.

..p.s. writing this post is making me late!
I am only taking one step here people. The not procrastinating part of me has yet to grow up!


  1. Best of luck with the event planning! Keep us posted!

  2. WOW...I totally feel like you just explained the very situation that I have been in the past year!!! I myself am "taking that step" and trying to follow my dreams. I feel like I have taken so many steps but never follow through with anything because I'm scared that if I don't do it right the first time, I will be a complete failure. My dream is to be a makeup artist and for the first time I really feel like I'm actually trying to accomplish it. I've just started blogging to put myself out there with my makeup. I will definitely stay tuned to you. Good luck with your big step, and please check out my blog. I am just starting out...so this is all very new to me!!!


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