Monday, May 16, 2011

Catch Me If You Can

You've just won a trip to la-la land. Four day three night excursion through blah blah town.. ever get those exciting phone calls that say you've won?
And you just need to chat with a couple people and fill out a couple more things and you can get your prize...Yeah well
I fell for it. Signed myself up for a tour of a resort that sells timeshares and at the end I would receive a free stay at that resort, another resort in Florida, a 100 dollar Visa card and 50 bucks to Chili's.

Um.. yes please. I just have to endure a tour? Of a place about 2 hours away.
Yeah, I'm game.

Soo it went a little something like this...
Oh hey friend who was supposed to join me for 2 hours of the driving, and be my plus one on the tour, you're sleepy? Gonna sleep right through my texts? Oh that's cool, I will drive my POS broke down hooptie all by myself out of town.

If I die JulieBooty, it's your fault. (I didn't die, don't worry, we're still friends)
Sooo, I arrive, about n 8 minutes past my scheduled tour. Whatevs, they proceeded to match me up with my tour guide who within 8 seconds of meeting me was telling me how naturally buff he is and does not have to work out his legs but did anyway two days ago and can't feel his calves.

Oh yeah, good start. Homeboy thinks I'm here for the tour, like for real. Like I care about ANYTHING going on inside this place.
He then shows me to this massive conference style room with hundreds of small tables where all the sales people are sitting with their suckers.. (me included)

I later find out this place is called "The Pit" which is very fitting.
I somehow end up having a conversation with this kid, I admit he is good at talking and well, I've never been at a loss for words. So like 20 minutes go by and I think we are waiting for something but we are indeed JUST talking.

Um, no dude, want the tour, the short version and I want to be on my merry way.
So I turn the switch to Super Sarcasm Mode and lay it on thick. And basically tell him we are going on the tour now.

He starts of showing me things I really thought did not need to be shown, Concierge Desk a random restaurant... seriously dude?
Oh dear God I'm going to die here I thought.

Then he says he is getting his vehichle to start the tour...
I'm thinking, GOLF CART

he drives up in his own Grand Cherokee...

whoa whoa whoa I am seriously going to die today, this man who has told me he was 31, I didn't believe him and he finally admits he is 24 and I catch him in his first lie.
Is the second lie that he actually works at this place and is a safe trusted human?
Holy Crap I serisouly thought about running away then.

Buuutttt I proceed.
I tell him he has "7 seconds to wow me" and no more.I clearly stated that I would stop listening after that. I gace him twenty whole minutes.
Then I stopped listening.
At one point he asks me "How old do you think those cottages are right there?"
Me, clearly looking at aged homes "uhh, I dunno"
Him"Oh come on, guess"
Me" no"
Him " yes, just guess"
Me "two years"
Him "wow, good guess.. 38 years actually"

...I think he got the point then and seriously stops spieling about ANY thing to do with the resort.
But then it gets weird.
He honestly starts talking about sex.
Or relationships.
Or both.

Remember I stopped listening.. so I barely peer to my left every now and then to acknowledge I'm alive and throw in a sarcastic comment.
But the comments start coming more frequently and he is desperately trying to get me to open up. I oblige with simple anecdotes about work or such else things that bore most people.

we hop out of the vehicle at one point as he is trying to tell me about "Cul De Sac Closes" which are legendary amongst the sales staff.
Some chick also asked to see his weiner earlier in the day.

What the HELL did I sign up for? Oh my God I almost wish I cared about this place and or the product he was selling so I could complain about how extremely unprofessional he was.

But, sarcastic tired BrookieBrooke did NOT care.
Right before the end I find out he isn't 24. He is 20. Whatever dude, I'm over this kids lies!
SO we go back into the pit, I've complained thoroughly that I wanted to be taken back and it was time for me to leave the GeeDee compound.
we get back, I chat with his boss.. whooooo
does not blink or stray from his gaze... which was my left eyeball.
So creepy. But I clearly state that two jobs and being in school renders it nearly impossible to have time to vacation at such a lovelyyyy resort.

AhemcoughBULLSHITcoughcough.. but it got me out of there and into the line to retrieve my gifts.
But not before Chase tries one last time to get my number.
I decline, again. Shake his hand and go on my way.

And I am flabergasted as I drive away. Did I just waste 4-6 hours of my ONLY day off in a month on this ridiculous experience?
Did I just enhance the value of these gifts by what I went through to get them?

You be the judge.
I'll be at Chili's throwing back Margaritas!

..stay tuned.

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