Friday, November 14, 2008

Rules of the Road.

On my way to North Carolina today... oh yeah I forgot to mention that this weekend will be filled with my bestie best friend ever. I drove to see her. I coudln't stand it anymore.
The drive was less than 5 hours, so not too bad. Unless you count the countless idiots on the road. Which is a stupid statement because they cant be counted if they are countless but to try would be enough to frustrate you the way I was.

So to all the people on the road today:

Guy who drove the same pace as me for 30 miles creepily smiling at me:
You are asinine, what could possibly come from driving next to me for that long. Would I be wooed by your eerie looks and suddenly decide to follow you down whatever exit you took and we would stop at a rest stop and live happily ever after? Yeah likely story. Just like the one you told the cops about you not killing that local girl. Mmmhmm.

Kid who I used to go to high school with:
Freaking look at me when I am waving at you. I know you saw me. Who doesn't look out their windows when they are driving? You are like the complete opposite of creepy other guy who wouldn't stop staring at me. Just one look over to your left so I can feel less insane. Thanks.

Woman at whom I yelled:
I apologize for yelling. I also apologize for assuming you are a woman. But you were driving like a freaking woman. All slow and turning without a blinker. Ya killing me lady.

Winshield wipers:
thanks for not working.again. in the rain. 'nuff said.

All the people who chatted with me on the cellular:
Thanks for letting me fool you into believing that I cared what you were saying when in reality the kinda time you can kill on the road while in a conversation is priceless. Thanks for being a trooper. I fully expect you to be there again on the way back on Monday.

State Policeman:
Hey thanks. Thanks a lot. For getting up behind everyone in the left lane and making them freak out and think you were coming after them so they drove wildly out of your way. Thereby creating more of a driving hazard than their original speed violation. Thanks again. But know this. You didn't fool me. You weren't coming after me and I knew it. So suck on that copper cuz I wasn't going to slow down for you! Ha!

All other drivers:
Hear me now. I want you out of my way when I am on the same road as you. Simple as that.

K tttthhhaaannkkksss!

Now I am off to recreate Fabulous Fridays North Cackalacky style!!!

...stay tuned!

1 comment:

  1. Laughing my ass off at high school boy who wouldn't look at you. Laughing harder at "freaking look at me when I wave to you".

    If you frigging call me on Monday, I'm going to tell you to call me back when you're at home, beotch. I invented the "keep me entertained while I drive" trick.


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