Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Oh no she di int.

Lucky me.
My birthday is in March.

And before St. Patrick's Day and all people claim their 1/3000th Irish heritage and become obliterated beyond belief and forget that conciousness is an option.Thusly missing any other events around that time. Like a birthday.

Lucky me, my birthday is not New Years Day like a co worker of mine who also wakes up to find everyone around her barely out of their "this year is totally going to suck less!" champagne and fake hopes and dream induced comas.

Lucky me, my birthday is not Christmas Eve, like my Mother's. There was one rule in my house growing up. DO NOT under any circumstances wrap her birthday present with Christmas paper. She wouldn't even open it. Poor woman. I mean freaking Jesus was born just a day later than her so she gets shafted on how many gifts she gets. Not fair.

So that leads me to today. When in walks a sweet woman who hemmed and hawed over gifts. I try and I try to help these people. I am a super great gift giver.

Okay so every now and then I am overcome with my disease that forces me to get someone something I am totally convinced they want but may or may not have hinted at, at all. It usually ends up fine. ( I swear my brother loves the buddha head decor) Other than those rare moments I try really hard to put together thoughful gifts for everyone on my list.

And I even somehow manage to add people who were never on the list. I mentioned I work at a super cute boutque-y gift store right? Yeah, gift giving is totally my thing.

This lady hands me two items and tells me to wrap them together. Done.
WAIT?! What? It is a birthday present? Not Christmas? You are sure?

And this persons birthday is coming up?

WHATTTT?! I wanted to lean over the counter and whisper: "hey assface, there is no DAMN way she wants this right now! How about you wait until effing Thanksgiving is over before you shove Santy Claus down her freaking throat which has nothing to do with her being born. At all. Unless she is a believer of God and then somehow it's tied together but I digress"

But this whole recession thingy has me to the point where I no longer help these people pick out gifts that I have an opinion about. If they are buying things, it is okay by me! An embroidered baby blanket that says "Body Sculpt Baby" referencing a new born who is now to be called the name of her mother's place of employment. Oh absolutely do it!

Then she says "oh well, she probably has more christmas things that she can shake a stick at"

And it took all of me to not lean over and whisper the previous phrase to her but not grabbing her collar and shaking her violently was tremendous self restraint.

(I am not an advocate of this phrase but...)

Why would I shake a stick at things? And what does that have to do with how much I have of said things? Really? Who says that?
Don't answer that. If you do, I don't want to know about it. Because I will no longer like you. Seriously, one of the dumbest things I have ever heard.

Why is it okay to give these other holiday related gifts to people before the holiday is upon us. Why stop there? Why not go out and on the day after christmas snatch up all the goodies people didn't want and give them as gifts for the rest of the year?

For the people with a birthday in June, you are totally getting way expired egg nog and some googly eyed reindeer slippers.

And you will like it.

But like I said. She bought something. So judge not lest ye be judged.

But she was totally effing crazy.

..stay tuned!


  1. ExMi (expensive mistakes and cheap thrills)November 12, 2008 at 5:05 AM

    shoulda slapped her upside the head!

    i loved the Christina song that played as I clicked through onto your blog...i normally dont dig her, but that song is rad!

  2. I still judge, because I figure I'll be dead from the drink before they can judge me back.


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