Friday, October 17, 2008

Back your voting ass up! But not into my front fender!

I absolutely cannot stand to see people with bumper stickers ( no not the facebook kind, Mark Zuckerwhatshisface already took all the fun out of those bumper stickers) and yard signs telling me who they are voting for.

Yup, I said it. Get your stinkin' vote, out 'o my face!

I don't ask you to put up a sign whether you spank your kids or not. ( well because we all know you do. You left the windows open on Sunday night. But don't worry your secret is safe with me.)
I don't ask you to tell me which grocery store you frequent. ( Because I like Giant, and no matter how pristine Bloom is, they don't have shit there.)
And I certainly don't ask you to put in window paint your favorite movie.
(Because you've already told me your kid is an honor roll student and I lost interest.)

Why the hell do you think I give a crap about who you are voting for?

All I want to do is steal your lawn sign. (I have contemplated it a time or twelve trust me.) Rip it into tiny little shreds and shout that I am voting for the complete opposite of your flamboyant choice.
Do they (lawn sign people) seriously think that my vote is wavering and if I see my neighbor with a yard sign for Obama that I am going to go " Oh! I love Tammy, she is a great woman and I really trust her judgment. I think I am going Obama now."

Eh Eh. ( when I get my new digital camera I will load a video of exactly how this sound is perfected. You can start by wagging your finger, just once.)

It's not about one party or the other, either. I am equally annoyed by both displays of "someone should give a shit what I think so I am gonna stick it on my corolla bumper as I cut you off in traffic" ass

Well guess what, I want to vote twice. One vote for each candidate. To equally disappoint the other. ( Spiteful? Me? Noooo..!)

Any maybe this is all me, I have a severe issue with being told what to do.
I don't like missionaries (with all the "this God saved me and you can too!" schtick) and I don't like your bumper sticker in my face and I really don't like those people who keep their stickers on their car way past the previous election. (oh they kill me!)
Guess what people?!

*** Spoiler Alert!***

Kerry and Edwards are over. ( They didn't win)
Bush and Cheney are on their way out. (See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!)

On second thought maybe we use this tactic for politicians. Like they all have to put a bumper sticker on their car as to their votes for every bill and law and proposition they have voted for so we can actually track their records. Like if you see McCain driving next to Dubya and you see each of their votes and it turns out McCain only votes with Bush 88% of the time. (Not the widely reported 90%.)

I meaaaannn, might make a difference right?

Oh? No?? It won't?

Yeah neither will you effing yard sign.

No go cut your grass, it looks atrocious.

Oh wait, that's just political bullshit you spilled all over it. Go to Lowe's get some weed killer and it should be fine by December.

wanna know who I am voting for?

..stay tuned.

1 comment:

  1. They make me absolutely insane as well. Tomorrow I'm actually going to see Obama speak and then McCain on Monday. Should be an interesting weekend.


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